A very interseting observation which I think is based on religion at my sons school

[Anonymous]

Without elaborating too much as you never know who is reading this, we changed schools for my sons high school career. In a very highly regarded, very academic private school,where we have met many lovely people. My son has met a lot of nice kids and we have become naturally friends with some of the parents. I have been seeing and have observed however, a subtle but interesting and very real "divide" if you will between groups almost solely based on religions.

Don't get me wrong everyone is very nice to one another, but there is a waspy group and there is a Jewish group and then kind of everyone else. It seems and I could be wrong that these two groups specifically self segregate whether intentional or not. Am I wrong?

Ironically my husband falls into one of these groups but not I, I was not born here though I was educated here and consider myself an a proud American. I think for this reason we are almost seen as a neutral pawn in this game of social standing. We get along with everyone and really don't "belong" to any one social group. It is a very interesting study of dynamics in the relationships of these parents, being one who is friends with everyone i observe from the sidelines and find it interesting but a bit troubling as well. Too sensitive of a subject to speak openly about and yet there is no denying its presence. It is very real.

I also find more with the girls than boys, that this relationship in effect predetermines to a point the "cliques' of the kids. Again I see it more with the girls than boys and frankly this makes me happy that my own D is well past this and in college on her own.

I wonder if this is more common in a school where the parents tend to be successful and affluent or is it the same everywhere? Thankfully we are "neutral" we are friends with many, not too close but enough to where we are included in most events/parties,etc.....

[Anonymous]

I'm a foreigner and find it interesting to observe these dynamics too!

In our children's public elementary school in an affluent area of MoCo, I see a little bit of this as well, except that, being a public school, income also plays a role. The affluent Jewish families tend to group together, the affluent WASPy families group together, the less affluent and foreigners are left floating around regardless of their religious denomination.

Mind, none of this is exclusionary or deliberate, but more of like-attracts-like. Parents are friendly, kids are friendly. It's possible to break into these groups if you're extroverted and socially savvy, less easy if you're clueless.

[Anonymous]

Don't know the answer. A couple of possibilities:

They go to church together--youth groups, etc.
They live in the same neighborhoods.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't know the answer. A couple of possibilities:

They go to church together--youth groups, etc.
They live in the same neighborhoods.

Jewish people attend temple or synagogue - not church. Jewish people celebrate Jewish holidays and Christian celebrate Christian. Why does this surprise you?

[Anonymous]

Gee that's fascinating. Since statistically this area has a lot of Jews and a lot of Wasps, isn't it a fantastic coincidence too that people have a peer group kind of like themselves? And your anecdata is so compelling since it's based on only your one experience at one school and nothing else.

But you go on thinking it's a big conspiracy. And of course, the fact that you preceded your "interesting observation" (read: bigoted thought) by telling us they are "lovely people" makes it all okay.

[Anonymous]

I think people think I (as an adult) am cliquish, since the majority of my friends are Jewish. But the only reason for that is because I attend synagogue weekly, am involved with Jewish organizations and charities, and send my kids to a Jewish school.

When I was in college, I had a broader spectrum of friends from different nationalities and backgrounds but the majority of people I have met in the past 10 years in the DC-area have been Jewish.

Dont assume people are being cliquish bc they dont want to associate with people outside their religion/race, but sometimes, due to outside interests, it just works out like that. Athletes usually hang out with other athletes as well and less with the drama department.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think people think I (as an adult) am cliquish, since the majority of my friends are Jewish. But the only reason for that is because I attend synagogue weekly, am involved with Jewish organizations and charities, and send my kids to a Jewish school.

When I was in college, I had a broader spectrum of friends from different nationalities and backgrounds but the majority of people I have met in the past 10 years in the DC-area have been Jewish.

Dont assume people are being cliquish bc they dont want to associate with people outside their religion/race, but sometimes, due to outside interests, it just works out like that. Athletes usually hang out with other athletes as well and less with the drama department.

This is clickish behavior. I mean, it's fine, but please own it. It's not just a coincidence. I'm sure you meet more than just Jewish people, but it is those people with whom you want to socialize.

[Anonymous]

I am of one race and my children (adopted) are of another, and I too find it interesting to observe this type of thing. Because, at various times, we are "accepted" as "insiders" in both groups probably more so than we would be otherwise, so I/we just get to see things a bit more clearly than if we were not, I think. But, it's also interesting, because while we are "accepted" we are also for some purposes also seen as "other" (bc of adoption? bc we are not all of the same race?). It's hard to put your finger on but it is there, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people think I (as an adult) am cliquish, since the majority of my friends are Jewish. But the only reason for that is because I attend synagogue weekly, am involved with Jewish organizations and charities, and send my kids to a Jewish school.

When I was in college, I had a broader spectrum of friends from different nationalities and backgrounds but the majority of people I have met in the past 10 years in the DC-area have been Jewish.

Dont assume people are being cliquish bc they dont want to associate with people outside their religion/race, but sometimes, due to outside interests, it just works out like that. Athletes usually hang out with other athletes as well and less with the drama department.

This is clickish behavior. I mean, it's fine, but please own it. It's not just a coincidence. I'm sure you meet more than just Jewish people, but it is those people with whom you want to socialize.

There is frequently something weird and unpleasant about comments on these threads about Jews. If someone tells you they're active in their church and has a lot of friends through their church, you would think nothing of it.
The PP did not say they only have Jewish friends, just that the majority of people they meet are Jewish due to synagogue attendance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gee that's fascinating. Since statistically this area has a lot of Jews and a lot of Wasps, isn't it a fantastic coincidence too that people have a peer group kind of like themselves? And your anecdata is so compelling since it's based on only your one experience at one school and nothing else.

But you go on thinking it's a big conspiracy. And of course, the fact that you preceded your "interesting observation" (read: bigoted thought) by telling us they are "lovely people" makes it all okay.

Yeah OP, don't you know that "observing" is actually code for "being bigoted?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think people think I (as an adult) am cliquish, since the majority of my friends are Jewish. But the only reason for that is because I attend synagogue weekly, am involved with Jewish organizations and charities, and send my kids to a Jewish school.

When I was in college, I had a broader spectrum of friends from different nationalities and backgrounds but the majority of people I have met in the past 10 years in the DC-area have been Jewish.

Dont assume people are being cliquish bc they dont want to associate with people outside their religion/race, but sometimes, due to outside interests, it just works out like that. Athletes usually hang out with other athletes as well and less with the drama department.

This is clickish behavior. I mean, it's fine, but please own it. It's not just a coincidence. I'm sure you meet more than just Jewish people, but it is those people with whom you want to socialize.

There is frequently something weird and unpleasant about comments on these threads about Jews. If someone tells you they're active in their church and has a lot of friends through their church, you would think nothing of it.
The PP did not say they only have Jewish friends, just that the majority of people they meet are Jewish due to synagogue attendance.

This is me as well. The jewish community is the center of my social life--for both me and the kids. We attend synagogue on Sat---that means playdates stem from whomever is there. The kids attend day school---I would guess that 90%+ of the population at the school has at least one jewish parent. The younger kids are in the synagogue preschool which has a judaics slant and while the school does not discriminate based on religion, I could see how a non-jewish person would feel uncomfortable with the judiacs component and the family centered activities at the synagogue (see Sat playdates). Since we're in synagogue on Sat, the kids need to find activities that meet on Sundays. It's easy to register for Sunday activities through the JCC. My mah jong and bridge games either occur at the JCC or the synagogue. My knitting group meets at synagogue. So if I see you on Sat morning, our kids go to school together and are on the soccer team together, and then I see you at a synagogue event, chances are we're going to be come friendly---maybe not best friends, but certainly social.

[Anonymous]

Isn't it normal that people feel most comfortable with those they have much in common. That might be people who served together in the armed forces, those in the same profession, those with similar religious or cultural bckground, those with similar political views, etc. Depending on the situation, any one of these may dominate your selection of friends.

[Anonymous]

What you are describing is universal throughout the world. Like finds like.

[Anonymous]

Yep - no rocket science here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gee that's fascinating. Since statistically this area has a lot of Jews and a lot of Wasps, isn't it a fantastic coincidence too that people have a peer group kind of like themselves? And your anecdata is so compelling since it's based on only your one experience at one school and nothing else.

But you go on thinking it's a big conspiracy. And of course, the fact that you preceded your "interesting observation" (read: bigoted thought) by telling us they are "lovely people" makes it all okay.

Yeah OP, don't you know that "observing" is actually code for "being bigoted?"

Yes, all my life I've heard these "interesting observations" about Jews, always referred to as "lovely people," and yes, they are code for bigotry. The interesting observation is, of course, always something negative.