Why are so many women here so angry with / resentful toward women who stay home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Working mom here. Look, you ladies are getting pretty ridiculous if you REALLY can't think of ANYTHING interesting or productive to do with your time if you suddenly had the means to quit your jobs, like you won the lotto or inherited a bunch of money from some long lost relative. Come on. I understand why you might be annoyed by some of these posts but doubling down on this particular track is the height of absurdity.

I can think of interesting and productive things to do other than work for pay, and I do have the means to quit my job. I simply like to WOH, even though I still have children at home. Is that okay with you?

Yes BUT you cannot be too good at your job if it threatens my self-esteem. Also you should work in a male dominated field because of the gender fight and all. You must not wear yoga pants or do yoga. You must be doing something income producing that also "makes a difference" in the world - grunt work is not enough. As far as your non-work hours and child care arrangements, I'm not sure about the rules - but probably avoid Luluman pants or whatever they are called and steer clear of PTA.
There I think I've covered everything. Be safe!

Too funny.

[Anonymous]

This is a super privileged point of view from both sides of this argument--the means to stay at home is a luxury, and the means to pursue a meaningful-to-you career is a luxury.

Most working class women I know would love to have the luxury to be in this fight.

While the DCUM WOHMs yammer on about glass ceilings and feminism, women working blue collar and labor and service jobs are getting left behind.

While the DCUM SAHMs feely compelled justify their existence, women working blue collar and labor and service jobs are getting left behind.

Everybody here could seriously use some perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have the daily delight of mansplaining. I am the lone token female in a sea of men.

We need more females. Many days it's a stampede of testosterone. Yes, I can handle simple division, but let's waste 10 minutes while you explain division.

It gets really lonely as you climb the ladder. Fewer women. I'm angry because there are so many capable women who gave up careers.

If you haven't been here, trust me, we are fighting a gender battle.

I agree with this 100%. All the SAHMs who claim we're all so jealous that they run the PTA and work out - actually, our frustration with your choices runs much deeper than that.

Why do you think you get to choose other people's values so that they align with yours and make your life more convenient? Are you hearing yourself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have the daily delight of mansplaining. I am the lone token female in a sea of men.

We need more females. Many days it's a stampede of testosterone. Yes, I can handle simple division, but let's waste 10 minutes while you explain division.

It gets really lonely as you climb the ladder. Fewer women. I'm angry because there are so many capable women who gave up careers.

If you haven't been here, trust me, we are fighting a gender battle.

I agree with this 100%. All the SAHMs who claim we're all so jealous that they run the PTA and work out - actually, our frustration with your choices runs much deeper than that.

Let me get this straight - you are angry at women who made different choices than you, because you are now one of the few in a male-dominated field? Have you considered that perhaps many other women don't share your interest in "climbing the ladder" and whatever else it is you do? You expect them to dedicate their lives to a career that does not excite them just so that you don't have to feel "lonely"? You are free to choose a different career path if you aren't happy. You don't get to dictate what other people do for a living.

Pray tell, what are your passions?

I am not PP, but I'll gladly tell you about my passions that have absolutely nothing to do with working in a male dominated field.

I love to study nutrition, cook, and garden. I enjoy making sure everyone in my family is as healthy as possible in a world in which that this is increasingly challenging and that is murked up with garbage pseudo-science.

I love to manage my home, making sure it is always well stocked as inexpensively as possible and that all of the people in it are well equipped. I have very effective and efficient processes around everything related to home maintenance, and I actually straight up take pleasure in that.

I love to be emotionally present to the people I care about, not only in my home but also outside of it. In my view it is an art and valuable skill to be make people feel seen and understood. People who are seen and understood feel good, and they put good things in the world.

Oh and I actually do work, go figure. I am also passionate about design, and I get paid well to do it. On my terms, since I freelance.

The world is better because I am in it, even if I'll never have a "big" job. I don't want one. It would undermine not enhance the passions I am here to share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have the daily delight of mansplaining. I am the lone token female in a sea of men.

We need more females. Many days it's a stampede of testosterone. Yes, I can handle simple division, but let's waste 10 minutes while you explain division.

It gets really lonely as you climb the ladder. Fewer women. I'm angry because there are so many capable women who gave up careers.

If you haven't been here, trust me, we are fighting a gender battle.

I agree with this 100%. All the SAHMs who claim we're all so jealous that they run the PTA and work out - actually, our frustration with your choices runs much deeper than that.

Let me get this straight - you are angry at women who made different choices than you, because you are now one of the few in a male-dominated field? Have you considered that perhaps many other women don't share your interest in "climbing the ladder" and whatever else it is you do? You expect them to dedicate their lives to a career that does not excite them just so that you don't have to feel "lonely"? You are free to choose a different career path if you aren't happy. You don't get to dictate what other people do for a living.

Exactly! Apparently, we should pursue male-dominated careers regardless of our personal interests, just to prove that we are as capable of men. We are too low in self-esteem to actually pursue our own dreams. We need to prove ourselves... even if it makes us miserable or is not the best choice for our family.

This right here is why so many women don't feel served by traditional white feminists - they insist on the narrow way they define it which is putting women into formerly male dominated careers and making them work ~ 60 hours a week like men to get to the top. A lot of women don't want to do that! They see it as a waste of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have the daily delight of mansplaining. I am the lone token female in a sea of men.

We need more females. Many days it's a stampede of testosterone. Yes, I can handle simple division, but let's waste 10 minutes while you explain division.

It gets really lonely as you climb the ladder. Fewer women. I'm angry because there are so many capable women who gave up careers.

If you haven't been here, trust me, we are fighting a gender battle.

I agree with this 100%. All the SAHMs who claim we're all so jealous that they run the PTA and work out - actually, our frustration with your choices runs much deeper than that.

Why do you think you get to choose other people's values so that they align with yours and make your life more convenient? Are you hearing yourself?

Not trying to bring politics into it but it's the same wacko thinking. People who can't tolerate a different choice. This poster sounds very young and immature going by that post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have the daily delight of mansplaining. I am the lone token female in a sea of men.

We need more females. Many days it's a stampede of testosterone. Yes, I can handle simple division, but let's waste 10 minutes while you explain division.

It gets really lonely as you climb the ladder. Fewer women. I'm angry because there are so many capable women who gave up careers.

If you haven't been here, trust me, we are fighting a gender battle.

I agree with this 100%. All the SAHMs who claim we're all so jealous that they run the PTA and work out - actually, our frustration with your choices runs much deeper than that.

Let me get this straight - you are angry at women who made different choices than you, because you are now one of the few in a male-dominated field? Have you considered that perhaps many other women don't share your interest in "climbing the ladder" and whatever else it is you do? You expect them to dedicate their lives to a career that does not excite them just so that you don't have to feel "lonely"? You are free to choose a different career path if you aren't happy. You don't get to dictate what other people do for a living.

Exactly! Apparently, we should pursue male-dominated careers regardless of our personal interests, just to prove that we are as capable of men. We are too low in self-esteem to actually pursue our own dreams. We need to prove ourselves... even if it makes us miserable or is not the best choice for our family.

This right here is why so many women don't feel served by traditional white feminists - they insist on the narrow way they define it which is putting women into formerly male dominated careers and making them work ~ 60 hours a week like men to get to the top. A lot of women don't want to do that! They see it as a waste of life.

Plus they want to avoid the early strokes and heart attacks like men get!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm impressed by all the highly compensated, super hard working, super smart women in the middle of amazing and intellectually stimulating careers that contribute meaningfully to society while allowing them the time and energy to post on internet message boards.

I also masturbate in my office when stressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are all going to die anyway so stop yapping who is better or not. You all are gonna be sitting in a wet, poopy diaper eating mashed food somewhere your precious snowflakes will send you to. At the end of the day, no one is going to care of you were WOHM or SAHM or not. Good luck everyone.

Man, ain't this the truth. The older I get, the more true this is. Both of my parents worked and had great careers, they're retired in their 70s now, and we don't sit around discussing their careers or their career accomplishments. They like to tell the same old stories about some embarrassing shit I said as a kid, some embarrassing shit I did as a kid, how cute I was as a kid, etc, etc.

I am a Hospice Minister and spend nearly every day with dying people. No one talks about their careers at the end of life. They are happy to answer questions if you ask. But what they really want to talk about is family, friends, relationships, and usually spirituality. They all engage in a sort of life review and it always centers on relationships, not money. I am by no means anti-WOHM. I work. However, if you think you will care about your big job or rewarding career when you are dying, you are sadly mistaken. No one else will care either. Your children will not care about the cases you won, the research you did, or the money you earned. They care about the time you spent with them.

WOHMs and SAHMs both have the ability to raise independent girls. I hope we are all making the choices that are best for our family given our unique circumstances. If you are a SAHM causing a financial strain on your family, you might want to re-evaluate. If you are a WOHM who sees her newborn for two hours a day, you might want to re-think your priorities. Most of us are just doing the best we can.

I don't agree with you that at the end of life no one reflects back on their career. That's incredibly simplistic and reductive. It's okay to nurture a career you love, or love being financially independent, or whatever. I don't buy the attitude that every career is about money and power and 90 hour work weeks. It's not. Ours aren't. We love our family, and our careers, and we have great balance. Yes, family is more important than career, that doesn't mean you can't have a career and raise a family.

And yes, there are a lot of people at the end of life who wish they had earned more money or had the opportunity to get a great education and do work they wanted to do, instead of hard labor, or retail, or food service, or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have the daily delight of mansplaining. I am the lone token female in a sea of men.

We need more females. Many days it's a stampede of testosterone. Yes, I can handle simple division, but let's waste 10 minutes while you explain division.

It gets really lonely as you climb the ladder. Fewer women. I'm angry because there are so many capable women who gave up careers.

If you haven't been here, trust me, we are fighting a gender battle.

I agree with this 100%. All the SAHMs who claim we're all so jealous that they run the PTA and work out - actually, our frustration with your choices runs much deeper than that.

Why do you think you get to choose other people's values so that they align with yours and make your life more convenient? Are you hearing yourself?

I agree. I applaud you and your battle, but I put my family first. In our circumstances working would hurt our family, not help it. You have no idea of my circumstances.

I know this thread is crushing to women who SAH to take care of special needs kids, aging parents, retirees, etc. If you literally call women prostitutes who do right by their family, you have some serious issues. "your frustration with my choices" is awesome. I love it! Being frustrated about what, how, where or when others work, as long as their family is well cared for?

Maybe start worrying about yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I literally see women here saying women who stay home are traitors to womanhood. Is DC really this stressful?

While I'm not on dcum a lot I don't recall seeing that. How does this convert to "DC is stressful"? Stressful cities to raise kids in are like HK, Tokyo, NYC.

I have lived in 3 countries and 6 major cities and DC has the most dual working professional couples I've seen anywhere. I also see a lot of flextime workers and work-at-home men/women, more than any other city I've lived and worked in (v London, NYC, Philly, Boston, etc. ).

But hey, if I want to quit my $250k job I actually like to raise my kids more than I already do, yeah, I'll consider it. My kids would be better off, my house would be better off and my husband would be better off if I stayed home and ran everything 24/7.

Well if I made 250 freaking thousand a year I wouldn't quit either...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm impressed by all the highly compensated, super hard working, super smart women in the middle of amazing and intellectually stimulating careers that contribute meaningfully to society while allowing them the time and energy to post on internet message boards.

I also masturbate in my office when stressed.

I get to do it in my bed midday. Maybe the power/office thing gets you off, but I'll take a long leisurely O, totally naked, any day. .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are all going to die anyway so stop yapping who is better or not. You all are gonna be sitting in a wet, poopy diaper eating mashed food somewhere your precious snowflakes will send you to. At the end of the day, no one is going to care of you were WOHM or SAHM or not. Good luck everyone.

Man, ain't this the truth. The older I get, the more true this is. Both of my parents worked and had great careers, they're retired in their 70s now, and we don't sit around discussing their careers or their career accomplishments. They like to tell the same old stories about some embarrassing shit I said as a kid, some embarrassing shit I did as a kid, how cute I was as a kid, etc, etc.

I am a Hospice Minister and spend nearly every day with dying people. No one talks about their careers at the end of life. They are happy to answer questions if you ask. But what they really want to talk about is family, friends, relationships, and usually spirituality. They all engage in a sort of life review and it always centers on relationships, not money. I am by no means anti-WOHM. I work. However, if you think you will care about your big job or rewarding career when you are dying, you are sadly mistaken. No one else will care either. Your children will not care about the cases you won, the research you did, or the money you earned. They care about the time you spent with them.

WOHMs and SAHMs both have the ability to raise independent girls. I hope we are all making the choices that are best for our family given our unique circumstances. If you are a SAHM causing a financial strain on your family, you might want to re-evaluate. If you are a WOHM who sees her newborn for two hours a day, you might want to re-think your priorities. Most of us are just doing the best we can.

I don't agree with you that at the end of life no one reflects back on their career. That's incredibly simplistic and reductive. It's okay to nurture a career you love, or love being financially independent, or whatever. I don't buy the attitude that every career is about money and power and 90 hour work weeks. It's not. Ours aren't. We love our family, and our careers, and we have great balance. Yes, family is more important than career, that doesn't mean you can't have a career and raise a family.

And yes, there are a lot of people at the end of life who wish they had earned more money or had the opportunity to get a great education and do work they wanted to do, instead of hard labor, or retail, or food service, or whatever.

Thank you, very well said. There certainly has been many attempts on this thread to shame women for enjoying their careers.

[Anonymous]

General free floating anger, the same way I'm angry at the women from eastern Europe who marry scaggy old guys just to get a green card. Hard for American woman to stand up and demand to be treated decently when guys still have the option of picking some broad from a catalog who will be so grateful than she won't care how he acts. Saw it in the foreign service. Why would any guy voluntarily decide to be decent and do half the laundry as long as the other option exists? you sahms are the other option.

[Anonymous]

Lots of guys want a woman to split the bills with - it doesn't mean they are going to do any laundry.
I'm sure you will be able to find a man that is attracted to you and to your career despite the fact that there are women all over the world who are taller than you, thinner than you, prettier than you, more interested in doing laundry than you, have a better job than you, have a worse job than you, are open to more sexual activities than you ...
Let's not blame SAHM's for your lack of marriage prospects please. Enough is enough.
And just to be clear, you are probably going to have to do laundry.