I agree with PP. I think the consensus in some prior threads was that who don’t care are those making either not much and so can’t complain about earning power and men making over 400 or enough so that they wouldn’t take a huge hit in standard of living if they married somebody who made much less. The rest either care about their partners earning power. A guy who is marriage material doesn’t have to settle for the first woman who is willing to sleep with him. And for what it’s worth, I come from a religious background that glorifies stay at home motherhood and when I was dating DH he liked that I was at least on track for a career (I was in law school). It was about more than earning power, it showed that I was smart (or at least not dumb), that I was ambitious, and not just idling my time away while I waited to get married. Some men didn’t want that, they were really turned off that I was in law school. Which was fantastic, I knew about their insecurities about intelligence and earning power right away! |
Male here. I don't agree with this at all. I'm with the feminists. |
Be interested and engaged (i.e., no staring into your phone scrolling while he's talking about his day)
Be physical Be warm (to both him and the kid(s)) Put the marriage first over children Be his advocate and partner Go on adventures together, but be content staying in cuddling No need to be a housewife, but don't be a bad roommate - be considerate about housework, childcare work, etc. |
Oh and I forgot, have your own interesting life and be confident about it. Whether that's work, hobbies, friends or all of the above |
I did that and earned 6 figures. Had a terrible marriage and happily divorced. |
Thank you. I think it should be self-evident that a guy doesn’t want a wife who is like this but also a bad mom, mean, ignores her husband, doesn’t work but puts the couple into consumer debt, etc. I think that most men would rather have somebody who is a true friend but who wants to split the cooking responsibilities and hires a housekeeper. |
Being a feminist is not being anti-man at all. Wake up. |
This is absolutely not true for professional men. Some absolutely care a lot about career and education and earnings of a woman. Many want an equal. Not someone to support. Mine wanted a specific income or he would not be dating that woman (only sleeping with her). |
They use that phrase because they are not going to tell you the real reason for the divorce. It is almost never “we drifted apart.” |
PP is right. Mine was in top 5% and still wanted a certain income for a wife. |
This isnwhat the "Gender roles" people miss because they boil down relationships into transactions. Of all you're doing is cooking cleaning, and banging him, what's thr actual basis of your relationship.
Being a good wife or husband means being a good friend to your spouse. Like starting a TV show, realizing it'd be perfect for you guys to watch together and then making it your Friday night thing. Or if your spouse likes hiking, looking up hikes you can do together. Or researching books to give them for their birthday. If you want to get traditional (though both men and women can do it) it's seeing a recipe you think they'd like and saving it or noticing their lucky presentation shirt is dirty and making sure it's clean for their big meetings It's being friendly and caring about them when they're not around. |
This old advice is not accurate. It really is not. |
OP, how old are you? This is a really odd question. |
Also if you treat your relationship as this transactional, then do you expect your spouse to bail when you get sick and can't fulfill your "duties" anymore? No thanks, I want a spouse who wants me, not a bang maid. |
I'm a lawyer and by far the spouses are... other lawyers. Otherwise their wives are engineers or technical writers or so on. The only person I work with who has a stay at home spouse is female and her husband also does freelance art and does pretty well. |