Be cautious caring for parents in their 60s.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for posting OP. I hope you and your family get the help you need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is very, very uncommon for people in their 60s to have early onset dementia. Not at all a common situation.

Especially today, many, if not most, people in their 60s are active and in good health. I know a lot of people in their 60s and they are mostly all in great health and either still working or involved with volunteer activities.

Most parents in their 60s have no need for any kind of caregiving from their children. If anything, at that age they’re helping to take care of their grandchildren, at least occasionally.

Yet the title mentions people in their 60s who need care, not healthy people in their 60s.

Actually, the title makes it sound as though it is common to need to give care to parents who are in their 60s, when, in reality, it is uncommon. Most people don’t need to worry about being cautious caring for parents on their 60s because it is unusual for parents in there 60s to need care in that way.

OP has a very unusual situation on many different levels. It’s nice of her to want to “warn” people who might find themselves with a suddenly violent father with early onset dementia in his 60s, but that is a pretty small group. Clearly, OP has other longstanding issues with her parents that are unrelated to her father’s illness that affect her situation, so that part isn’t necessarily helpful to folks who don’t also have those other issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I remember your original thread and you have my sympathy, OP.

However, the title of your thread is misleading. Most adults in their 60s are in reasonably good health, or if not, don't have violent dementia. Heck, some of your readers are in their 60s and in great shape! Know your audience

But if you mean that parents sometimes decline faster than one thinks and relatives don't always help or tell the truth, then yes, I agree. We are never as prepared as we could be for aging, disease and death. My dear BIL passed away from a brain tumor in his 40s, very suddenly. You can only do your best, OP. If people push you to do more than that, ignore.

OP here- I know that most people in their 60s do not have dementia and that not all dementia patients have violent outbursts. I was surprised that this was even a possibility in one's 60s and my mother hid the situation from me. I have sense learned that this is not uncommon and that many patients with cognitive decline have moderate symptoms in their 60s. I did not know that before this happened. That is why I posted this thread.

OP, I am quite shocked that your father had such immediate brute strength to shake you with such force to tear a ligament so badly you have not been able to walk or lift anything for six months. How horrifying.

You said you have learned that this kind of treatment from someone in their 60s is not uncommon. Can you please cite where you got that information? Where are the stats that people in their 60s are already going through such cognitive decline they may be able to resort to violence. Enlightening us to the facts will only make all of us all more aware, and will prevent countless cases of severe injury such as you experienced.

DP- Violent episodes are not uncommon with people who have moderate dementia, not all people in their 60s. At least that is how I understand it.

[Anonymous]

https://www.healthline.com/health/dementia/stages#stages

Here's a useful link about signs and symptoms of dementia patients. Not all midlife or older adults- just people who suffer from dementia. It's easy to confuse with mental illness and other health problems.

[Anonymous]

https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2021/06/21/alzheimers-wedding-husband-wife-vow/

And here is an uplifting story about a man with Alzheimer's who is 56.

It's not all bad news for dementia patients.

[Anonymous]

Also, OP again- I have mild symptoms of early onset cognitive decline. So far, I am dealing with name recall and word recall problems only. They started in my mid-late 30s. I have trouble recalling common words even though I have an excellent vocabulary. I also struggle to remember names. These are the only symptoms that I have right now. I am on the same road as my father. I hope that I won't have more severe symptoms for a long time and I have begun treatment that is helping to slow the progression. I have not been reporting any posts on this thread.

Please be honest with your adult children about your medical history and the challenges you are facing. Finding out the truth from doctors and traumatic incidents is very sad.

I appreciate those who have posted well wishes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, OP again- I have mild symptoms of early onset cognitive decline. So far, I am dealing with name recall and word recall problems only. They started in my mid-late 30s. I have trouble recalling common words even though I have an excellent vocabulary. I also struggle to remember names. These are the only symptoms that I have right now. I am on the same road as my father. I hope that I won't have more severe symptoms for a long time and I have begun treatment that is helping to slow the progression. I have not been reporting any posts on this thread.

Please be honest with your adult children about your medical history and the challenges you are facing. Finding out the truth from doctors and traumatic incidents is very sad.

I appreciate those who have posted well wishes.

I have made some plans about my diagnosis too:

I will give up driving in the next 9 years unless my doctors tell me to stop sooner. By 2030 I will no longer drive. I will be 48 then. I accept that I may need to give it up sooner, but that will be the latest that I give it up.

I have a home that is near hospitals. I seek regular care and take my medications as required. I try to develop systems that will make it easier for my husband to live with me. I am saving every penny so that he can afford to hire help for me instead of reducing working hours or having to directly care for me like the woman in the WaPo story is doing or my mother is trying to do with my father.

I will add more plans later as I learn more. This entire thing has been a journey and I have learned a lot. It felt like it hit me out of nowhere at the beginning of this year, but I am accepting it and managing as best I can. I do not feel entitled to a long life or perfect health. I will do the best I can. I hope this is helpful to some people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents both have dementia. Just so you know, we have them in 24 seven hour care at home with paid aides from an agency. It costs over 200k a year.


I'm sorry about your chronic pain and hope it gets better. I don't see what filing a claim would have accomplished (I'm a lawyer), so I think that decision was good.

+1. I’m shocked you even considered filing charges against your father knowing he was in cognitive decline.

Can be the only way to force her mother to get proper help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I remember your original thread and you have my sympathy, OP.

However, the title of your thread is misleading. Most adults in their 60s are in reasonably good health, or if not, don't have violent dementia. Heck, some of your readers are in their 60s and in great shape! Know your audience

But if you mean that parents sometimes decline faster than one thinks and relatives don't always help or tell the truth, then yes, I agree. We are never as prepared as we could be for aging, disease and death. My dear BIL passed away from a brain tumor in his 40s, very suddenly. You can only do your best, OP. If people push you to do more than that, ignore.

OP here- I know that most people in their 60s do not have dementia and that not all dementia patients have violent outbursts. I was surprised that this was even a possibility in one's 60s and my mother hid the situation from me. I have sense learned that this is not uncommon and that many patients with cognitive decline have moderate symptoms in their 60s. I did not know that before this happened. That is why I posted this thread.

OP My DH developed dementia in his mid 50s and hid it well. It seemed to burst out of nowhere at 64. Big strong fit guy. He died during COVID at 66 but if he had given into his rages and become violent (as he did towards the end) it would have been bone crushing. He is the second person I know to develop dementia in 50s. Not so uncommon.

[Anonymous]

My father life long athlete could overcome two workers at age 79. He had Alzheimer’s and his rages were powerful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, OP again- I have mild symptoms of early onset cognitive decline. So far, I am dealing with name recall and word recall problems only. They started in my mid-late 30s. I have trouble recalling common words even though I have an excellent vocabulary. I also struggle to remember names. These are the only symptoms that I have right now. I am on the same road as my father. I hope that I won't have more severe symptoms for a long time and I have begun treatment that is helping to slow the progression. I have not been reporting any posts on this thread.

Please be honest with your adult children about your medical history and the challenges you are facing. Finding out the truth from doctors and traumatic incidents is very sad.

I appreciate those who have posted well wishes.

OP I’m so sorry. Hopefully stress and pain are causing this and you will get better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, OP again- I have mild symptoms of early onset cognitive decline. So far, I am dealing with name recall and word recall problems only. They started in my mid-late 30s. I have trouble recalling common words even though I have an excellent vocabulary. I also struggle to remember names. These are the only symptoms that I have right now. I am on the same road as my father. I hope that I won't have more severe symptoms for a long time and I have begun treatment that is helping to slow the progression. I have not been reporting any posts on this thread.

Please be honest with your adult children about your medical history and the challenges you are facing. Finding out the truth from doctors and traumatic incidents is very sad.

I appreciate those who have posted well wishes.

OP I’m so sorry. Hopefully stress and pain are causing this and you will get better.

Thank you. I have started a medication for my condition and it is improving my mild symptoms dramatically. I am hopeful that more progress will be made medically to help people like me and families like mine. Medicine is a wonderful thing sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is very, very uncommon for people in their 60s to have early onset dementia. Not at all a common situation.

Especially today, many, if not most, people in their 60s are active and in good health. I know a lot of people in their 60s and they are mostly all in great health and either still working or involved with volunteer activities.

Most parents in their 60s have no need for any kind of caregiving from their children. If anything, at that age they’re helping to take care of their grandchildren, at least occasionally.

Yet the title mentions people in their 60s who need care, not healthy people in their 60s.

Actually, the title makes it sound as though it is common to need to give care to parents who are in their 60s, when, in reality, it is uncommon. Most people don’t need to worry about being cautious caring for parents on their 60s because it is unusual for parents in there 60s to need care in that way.

OP has a very unusual situation on many different levels. It’s nice of her to want to “warn” people who might find themselves with a suddenly violent father with early onset dementia in his 60s, but that is a pretty small group. Clearly, OP has other longstanding issues with her parents that are unrelated to her father’s illness that affect her situation, so that part isn’t necessarily helpful to folks who don’t also have those other issues.

So f-ing what? It doesn't matter how small the sample is. My friend was pushed down the stairs by her demented 80 year old father who threatened he was going to kill her numerous times.

[Anonymous]

60s? That's when most of us are caring for our parents in their 80s and 90s.
People in their 60s won't generally need care, unless there is something unusual or specific, but frankly, that sort of thing can happen at any age no different than 30s 40s 50s...cancer, paralysis, mental illness, a neurological degenerative disease (?)
But, no, this is the wrong age group to specify.

[Anonymous]

My uncle is 64 and was diagnosed with dementia last year. It’s absolutely awful. Yes being in his 60s and strong is very different with its own set of issues.

I’m sorry OP.