I don't want to organize a team gift for my son's coach

[Anonymous]

Is your son returning to the team? Not that impacts my response on whether you should coordinate a gift but it impacts my feeling on how much you really care about what the coach did. My child would have (and has been) removed from that scenario and the coach would have heard from me - a 10 year old does not deserve that.

No. He is going to another club. For multiple reasons, including proximity to our house.

[Anonymous]

I’d need more details, but in general if you want the advantages of being team manager you do the job of team manager.

What do you perceive those to be? I have been the manager for three years, and I don't perceive that my child or I have gotten perks. It's just an administrative volunteer job that doesn't take that much time or effort.

[Anonymous]

In our club a mom organized it not the team manager.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You always give the gift. Its the right thing to do period. Your teaching your kids and you were probably taught to be cheap. Stop being so stingy If you really cant afford a few dollars at least have your kid write a personal Thank you card. Teach your kids to be good people regardless of a conflict that happened.

Giving the gift would teach her kid that you reward adults for yelling at children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In our club a mom organized it not the team manager.

Does your club have a team manager?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has done the crappy job of team manager for years (wish someone else would!) and it never occurred to him to do a gift. I’ve never heard of it for paid coaches.
But if you’ve done it in past years and people are expecting it, I think it’s polite to send an email just saying you can’t coordinate anything this year but if anyone else wants to, they should feel free. I wouldn’t mention individual gifts because then people might think that’s expected.

Ding! Ding! Ding! When a man is the team manager, no team gift. Why do women create more work for themselves?

Because women by nature are nurtures, they want to take care of people. Constantly thinking of others is in their DNA. Kindness is a virtue and making someone feel important will never be wrong. It’s amazing how self absorbed people have become.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In our club a mom organized it not the team manager.

Does your club have a team manager?

Yes we have a manager, and he didn't he the year before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You always give the gift. Its the right thing to do period. Your teaching your kids and you were probably taught to be cheap. Stop being so stingy If you really cant afford a few dollars at least have your kid write a personal Thank you card. Teach your kids to be good people regardless of a conflict that happened.

Giving the gift would teach her kid that you reward adults for yelling at children.

Get out of here with that crap. Yelling is a tone of communication. If your kid is too dense or not smart enough to understand what was being communicated at a lesser volume he isn't prepared for the real world and thats your failure as a parent. You put your kid in a competitive sport not a recreational sport so maybe you made the wrong choice. If you dont want your kid yelled at when disappointment is express at them be just as upset when someone communicates loudly in approval for something he did right. Life is full of a full array of emotions and isn't a one way positive only street. Ask yourself would you rather have your kid sit at the end of the bench and eventually cut because he cant take criticism ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has done the crappy job of team manager for years (wish someone else would!) and it never occurred to him to do a gift. I’ve never heard of it for paid coaches.
But if you’ve done it in past years and people are expecting it, I think it’s polite to send an email just saying you can’t coordinate anything this year but if anyone else wants to, they should feel free. I wouldn’t mention individual gifts because then people might think that’s expected.

Ding! Ding! Ding! When a man is the team manager, no team gift. Why do women create more work for themselves?

Because women by nature are nurtures, they want to take care of people. Constantly thinking of others is in their DNA. Kindness is a virtue and making someone feel important will never be wrong. It’s amazing how self absorbed people have become.

Women do it because they don’t want to look bad if they don’t. It’s not because they care, they are just more image conscious. Paid coaches don’t deserve a gift. That does not mean you can’t get them one anyhow, but it is neither deserved nor expected, unless the coach went above and beyond the normal job such as: helping carpool kids; working outside normal practice time to help kids that needed it / wanted it; finding opportunities for kids outside of normal team events. Etc. If they show up to practices and games on time and coach as expected, then no gift cards required.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:but I am the team manager, so I feel like I have to. I am super frustrated with my son's coach. My son didn't play well in the last game (his knee was hurting beforehand, I should have let him stay home, and that is my fault). The coach started screaming at my son in the parking lot after the game and told him that he would never amount to anything as a soccer player if he couldn't push through a managable amount of pain. If he had just said it, I would have probably been ok with it, but his voice was raised and he was yelling. My son just turned 11, and I feel like this was crazy behavior (we are a low-level travel team, for background).

Would you organize a team gift under these circumstances?

This is everything that is wrong with youth sports. Treating a stupid game like it is life or death. Parents never stop though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has done the crappy job of team manager for years (wish someone else would!) and it never occurred to him to do a gift. I’ve never heard of it for paid coaches.
But if you’ve done it in past years and people are expecting it, I think it’s polite to send an email just saying you can’t coordinate anything this year but if anyone else wants to, they should feel free. I wouldn’t mention individual gifts because then people might think that’s expected.

Ding! Ding! Ding! When a man is the team manager, no team gift. Why do women create more work for themselves?

Because women by nature are nurtures, they want to take care of people. Constantly thinking of others is in their DNA. Kindness is a virtue and making someone feel important will never be wrong. It’s amazing how self absorbed people have become.

Women do it because they don’t want to look bad if they don’t. It’s not because they care, they are just more image conscious. Paid coaches don’t deserve a gift. That does not mean you can’t get them one anyhow, but it is neither deserved nor expected, unless the coach went above and beyond the normal job such as: helping carpool kids; working outside normal practice time to help kids that needed it / wanted it; finding opportunities for kids outside of normal team events. Etc. If they show up to practices and games on time and coach as expected, then no gift cards required.

Do you tip your waiter? Barber? give kids teacher gifts? taxi driver? bellman at hotel? valet? The coaches is providing an educational experience that your kid will take life long lessons from good and bad. If you played any competitive level sports growing up or thru HS or college you should understand the importance coaches played in your life. Not only do they try to teach your kid soccer but also teamwork learning to deal with and make decisions under pressure. deal with adversity how to learn from wins and losses. Its up to your child whether or not they take advantage of the lessons available just like in school its up to them. How well they are parented will decide how they approach learning opportunities. Be grateful of the life learning experience you kid is exposed to and give the gift idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:but I am the team manager, so I feel like I have to. I am super frustrated with my son's coach. My son didn't play well in the last game (his knee was hurting beforehand, I should have let him stay home, and that is my fault). The coach started screaming at my son in the parking lot after the game and told him that he would never amount to anything as a soccer player if he couldn't push through a managable amount of pain. If he had just said it, I would have probably been ok with it, but his voice was raised and he was yelling. My son just turned 11, and I feel like this was crazy behavior (we are a low-level travel team, for background).

Would you organize a team gift under these circumstances?

That must be so lame… I just got $400 yesterday from players’ parents. Back in fall they gave me $850.

[Anonymous]

The constant pointless gifting was one of the worst parts of ES for me. So glad when I just stopped doing it. As for OP and the coach: listen to your gut. So many kids get hurt playing sports and some idiot amateur coach tells them to continue to play until it becomes really serious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The constant pointless gifting was one of the worst parts of ES for me. So glad when I just stopped doing it. As for OP and the coach: listen to your gut. So many kids get hurt playing sports and some idiot amateur coach tells them to continue to play until it becomes really serious.

Gifting is the right thing to do stop being a great selfish individual. Appreciation , gratitude , saying thank you, all things you should do as well as teaching your kids to do. Be a good person above all else. A small gift, a thank you note , a smile and a handshake to say thanks all go along way. Life is too short to be a bitter stingy unhappy person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't bother with the group email. I would just not do it. Why does that fall to you?

Because it’s the team manager’s job.

I am not sure if I think OP should or shouldn’t, I’d need more details, but in general if you want the advantages of being team manager you do the job of team manager.

It is NOT the team manager's role to organize the gift giving. The TM role is to schedule games, practices, tournaments, send team updates, do some finances, etc.

Another parent volunteer can take on the team gift and collect money.