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Shouldn't have written first choice letter
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Anonymous
| 11:45 might have been thinking of Orman but 11:39's reference to HBR suggests she meant Welch. |
Anonymous
| It's definitely Suzy Welch who wrote "10-10-10" -- just looked it up on Amazon. But coming back around to the original topic: OP, are you definitely going with your original First Choice, then? If so, I definitely I think you are doing a right thing (as opposed to THE right thing, which no one really knows in advance). When we are talking about schools this good, the limits to the damage you can do are pretty finite -- it's only kindergarten after all. You can always try for a different school next year if this one doesn't work out. |
Anonymous
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Because a good connection is harder to find than a good school...
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Anonymous
| A slightly different take on this because I am in a similar situation. I asked two connections at two different schools to put in a good word for us (write a letter, speak to someone, whatever they do at that particular school.) We got in both places. Does this mean that I owe one of the connectors an apology/ explanation? I did not tell either that the school was a first choice; just that we were really interested, which was true. Obviously, we can't choose both and we are going to take the weekend to think it through and make a decision. (DH and I are on a slightly different page about this!) |
Anonymous
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I think that's different, because you did not tell either school/connection that one of the schools was your first choice.
As for the OP: It's not just your credibility on the line, it's your friend's too. Some connections will only go to bat for you, if they know the school is your first choice and that your DC will attend if accepted. If your connection echoed that position when they contacted the school on your DC's behalf--and then you don't go--you could lessen the connection's credibility with the school and they might resent you for it. I asked a current family at our first choice school to contact the Admissions office on our behalf and we also wrote a first choice letter. Before my connection contacted the school, she asked me twice, "If they accept you, are you SURE you will go?" She didn't want to be in the embarrassing position of advocating for someone who wasn't serious about attending the first choice school. And she feared that if we accepted and then didn't go, the school wouldn't take her as seriously if she wanted to advocate for another applicant (who claimed the school was their first choice) down the road. Fortunately we were accepted at the first choice school--and yes we are going!
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Anonymous
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OP here. Thank you for all the thoughtful replies.
In short, we decided on the first "first choice" school. We did write the letter. Plus, when we really sat down and thought it all through again, we realized that the schools are very similar. Plus we had a chance to remember all the great things that attracted us to the first school in the first place. So that's what we chose. Just to clarify, however, we never asked anyone to advocate for us at either school. As it turned out, several friends put in good words for us at the first school - on their own. But after we wrote the first choice letter to that school, I felt like we would be hurting our friendships by turning the school down. Anyhow, I think it will work out for us. BUT if my child had very dramatically different needs, or some change of circumstances, etc., I would definitely consider explaining the whole situation to the first school - and I would accept the offer at the second school. But for us, this time, the differences are probably marginal. I can't stress enough that no one should write a first choice letter unless they are absolutely, positively certain about their choice! It can really limit your options. So I hope that someone can learn from my mistake. Thanks again for the great replies. |
Anonymous
| Actually Suzy Welch NOT Suze Orman was Editor in Chief of Harvard Business Review. I guess, she followed her own advice. Not a great model. |
Anonymous
I don't want to take this thread too off-topic, but Suzy Welch, I just now realize, was as Suzy Wetlaufer forced to resign from the Harvard Business Review after admitting to an affair with the then-married Jack Welch, CEO of General Electric, which started when she was interviewing him for the magazine. Soon affter, the Welches divorced and Suzy married Jack Welch. I'm 11:45, the poster who wrote up-thread about my doubts that Suzy Welch's 10-10-10 decision-making model should be used in cases involving ethical issues. Now, knowing show Suzy Welch is, I definitely would not use her model for resolving moral questions. |
Anonymous
OP here. Interesting. I do like the concept, so maybe you just need to add ethics to the mix. In ten minutes, my friends would be furious at me. They would be embarrassed that they put a lot of effort into helping my child get into the school (even though I never asked for help or indicated the school was my first choice until AFTER they "helped" us.) It would make me look like an opportunist. I would burn a bridge with the school - word would get around. In ten months, my friends would still be mad - ha! Though no one else would really care anymore, including the school. And in ten years, maybe the second school would be better - or maybe since my child is reasonably bright and well-adjusted - he will be thriving at either school. Thus, my decision is to stick with the first "first choice" school since it really is a great school. For what it's worth. I'm not sure how you apply the 10-10-10 model to having an affair! |
Anonymous
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OP,
Are you sure these are friends? Especially considering you didn't ask them to go to bat for you. Did you tell them the school was your first choice? Anyway, an interesting lesson in first choice letters. |