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Shouldn't have written first choice letter
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Anonymous
| Always doing exactly what is best for you is just one philosophy in life. There are other choices too. |
Anonymous
| PP.. I agree BUT in this instance what would be her reason for NOT doing what's best for her DC? I understand if it was a life or death situation but this situation? I don't agree.. |
Anonymous
|
Very true PP. Nonetheless, basing this important decision on concern about what 'the connection' and the FC school would think to me seems overly concerned about others' opinions vs. what the mom knows in her heart is best for her DC.
Sometimes its hard to do what you think is right for your child when you get so much push back from societal norms, etc. And maybe this is the first time this poster has had to deal seriously with veering off the usual accepted path. But many families are forced off the path early by events beyond their control and they learn to deal with lots of push back about their decisions. They stop worrying so much about what other people think and instead follow their hearts. Very difficult! Especially if extended family members or co-workers are negative about those decisions.... and yet they still do it. The OP can too. I think she will find that the long-term consequences of following her heart will be few. What if the relationship with "the connection" changes anyway for some other reason? Or he/she moves to another city? Or, god forbid, passes away? And she's made this decision based on: 1) a letter to a school that she no longer has any interest in; and 2) this person who now no longer figures so largely in their lives. |
Anonymous
Yes, for example, you could sacrifice your kid's educational interests to keep your patrons/social network happy. Or in a misconceived quest to curry favor with a school that, frankly, would probably prefer to have a family that actually wants to be there rather than yours. |
Anonymous
|
OP,
Schools want the best for their applicants. Do you think the school would not understand? Do you think this has never happened before? A first choice letter is not a binding contract. This is not buyer's remorse. The contract isn't even in. |
Anonymous
| Glad I never around to writing that first choice letter! We got in anyway. |
Anonymous
Us, too! The whole process actually renewed my faith in the private school admissions system--to think that a clueless, unconnected, not super wealthy, non-diversity, but bright and happy child would get into a competitive private school by just following application directions. Amazing. These forums make you think that unless you "gamed" the system somehow you wouldn't get in.... Have faith, normal people! |
Anonymous
Agreed. |
Anonymous
|
OP, I know it must be hard to have everyone second-guessing you like this. But sometimes in decisions as important as this it's helpful to follow the "10-10-10" rule as explained by Suzy Welch, a former editor of the Harvard Business Review. Basically, it goes like this: when you're trying to make a decision and you are stuck, ask yourself the following questions: what will be the repercussions of my decision in 10 minutes? In 10 months? In 10 years? In this case, it might look something like this if you decline your former FC. During the first 10 minutes, your contact and the school may or may not be really irritated with you -- it's hard to say right now. In 10 months, your child will have completed his or her first semester at the new school and will be forming his or her opinion of whether or not school is a good place to be. In 10 years, your child will be approaching middle school with all new opportunities to try over at a different school -- PROVIDED he or she has the grades and ability to do so, which may well depend on what his or her previous 10 years at school have been like.
As you can see, when you break it down like this, the temporary pain of making a decision either way is far outweighed by the consequences ten months and ten years from now. That has to be your first priority. I'm not going to tell you which school to pick, but I WILL tell you that I think you should make the decision that you can forsee feeling good about in 10 months and 10 years. Those first 10 minutes of pain either way just ain't worth it. |
Anonymous
Wow, that is too facile an approach, with no consideration of ethics. One could arrive at a lot of morally wrong choices using this approach. I think Suzy Welch must have meant this approach to apply only to the narrow area of financial decisions that do not implicate ethical issues. I'm not advocating that the OP go with her FC school; in fact, I think there are circumstances under which she would be right in switching to then-second choice. But this appraoch is not the way to go. |
Anonymous
| For PP: Nope, her book makes it pretty clear that she suggests it as an approach for many different types of decisions -- not just financial. And I've found it very helpful; for instance, this framework helped me think through some of the decisions involved with deciding whether or not to move to a different part of the country, for example. That said, I certainly do agree with you that it is only one tool among many to use when making decisions, and that morality would obviously have to be a much greater concern than, say, personal convenience. 10-10-10 is just one of several structured decision-making tools that are useful when you find yourself stuck and unable to figure out the "right" answer to a given dilemma. I absolutely agree that it shouldn't replace morality or even basic common sense, for that matter. |
Anonymous
| You CANNOT be referring to Suzy Welch, who had an affair with the person she was interviewing (the very wealthy and powerful Jack Welch) which ended up with both of them leaving their marriages? Please do NOT quote her on decisionmaking! |
Anonymous
| I agree pp -- you beat me to the punch... I was thinking the same thing about Suzy Welch...cheating with a married man. |
Anonymous
| Felt good for the first 10 minutes. Worked out well over the next 10 years. So really the only downside was the 10 month period. |
Anonymous
| I think PP means Suze Orman. |