How many kids do you have, and how many kids do your friends have?

[Anonymous]

2. Most have 2, some 1 and some 3.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 1 with no plans for a second. Of our close friends who are local, they have:

1
2
1
2
1
3
2

Honestly, we like hanging out with the other families with just one child the most. Our kids play together even if there is an age gap and that occupies them, and then all the adults can actually get time to socialize. Even when the kids need more hands on supervision, it generally only takes one adult at a time, so it is just a much more relaxing social outing.

Our friends with 2 kids, what usually happens is that two of the kids play together but someone is always left out (usually whoever is youngest). There is more fighting and complaining and the varying ages mean we are more limited in what we can do. It's just more stressful overall.

The couple with 3 kids I no longer invite to our home because it is exhausting and chaotic and I don't feel like they supervise their kids well enough and I find myself spending the whole time getting interrupted and cleaning up after their kids, or feeding their kids, or answering their kids questions. My own child winds up getting neglected because their 3 kids just dominate everything and their dynamic becomes the group dynamic. We will sometimes meet up with them at the park or go to their house for a BBQ where we can just be the guest and there is less pressure on us.

Yes- we find we have most in common financially, politically and socially with other one-and-dones

And yes, this is by design.

Curious as to what you mean by this?

I'm the original PP (so not the person you are responding to) but I am guessing that they mean that other parents of one-and-dones simply have similar priorities. We had just one child because we wanted to be able to continue to travel, and we didn't want to have to stress out a lot about affording multiple college educations plus retirement. We also value a calm and quiet home life, which is pretty easy for us to achieve with just one kid, and as I've already explained, having one child allows us to be more social when we spend time with others because we don't have to spend the entire time attending to hour kids.

Not exactly sure what PP meant by "politically" but I will admit that we are also conservationists and find that having one child allows us to make more environmentally responsible choices than some our siblings and peers with more kids. Though I don't think this is always the case -- I know there are families of 2+ kids that are very environmentally conscious. It's just that in our lives most of the people we know with more kids also drive large vehicles, drive more, and produce more waste. We've always sought to have a smaller footprint, and having just one kid reflects that desire.

[Anonymous]

We have three and most of the friends we hang out with have two kids. A few families have three kids. Very few have one, probably partially due to reasons PP articulated, in that families with one kid by choice have different enough preferences that we wouldn't enjoy hanging out with them.

We just got together with three other families yesterday (two of us have three kids, two have two, all adults vaccinated), and it was a glorious chaotic mess. We co-hosted with our next door neighbors, and let the kids go back and forth between the backyards, the older ones helped keep an eye on the little ones, who love the attention, and it was great. We're also always happy to pitch in with each other and each other's kids, which isn't a dynamic I've commonly found with families opting for one kid. All the adults are reasonably laid-back, which is part of the reason we get along.

[Anonymous]

These responses remind me of SAT questions!

Most of my pre-marriage good friends don't have any kids. Some are married and don't want children (3), a few are married and aren't ready to take the plunge yet (2), a few are single and want children (4), and a few are single and don't know (2). And 2 in that pre-marriage friend group have 1. Of my post-marriage good friends, 3 have 1. All three of these friends want at least one more. I have 1 and am pregnant with # 2. My husband and I want 3.

[Anonymous]

We have 1. The vast majority of all parents I know have 2. For those that have more than 2, the vast majority of those families have a SAHM.

I only know a couple people with only children like us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 1 with no plans for a second. Of our close friends who are local, they have:

1
2
1
2
1
3
2

Honestly, we like hanging out with the other families with just one child the most. Our kids play together even if there is an age gap and that occupies them, and then all the adults can actually get time to socialize. Even when the kids need more hands on supervision, it generally only takes one adult at a time, so it is just a much more relaxing social outing.

Our friends with 2 kids, what usually happens is that two of the kids play together but someone is always left out (usually whoever is youngest). There is more fighting and complaining and the varying ages mean we are more limited in what we can do. It's just more stressful overall.

The couple with 3 kids I no longer invite to our home because it is exhausting and chaotic and I don't feel like they supervise their kids well enough and I find myself spending the whole time getting interrupted and cleaning up after their kids, or feeding their kids, or answering their kids questions. My own child winds up getting neglected because their 3 kids just dominate everything and their dynamic becomes the group dynamic. We will sometimes meet up with them at the park or go to their house for a BBQ where we can just be the guest and there is less pressure on us.

Yes- we find we have most in common financially, politically and socially with other one-and-dones

And yes, this is by design.

Curious as to what you mean by this?

I'm the original PP (so not the person you are responding to) but I am guessing that they mean that other parents of one-and-dones simply have similar priorities. We had just one child because we wanted to be able to continue to travel, and we didn't want to have to stress out a lot about affording multiple college educations plus retirement. We also value a calm and quiet home life, which is pretty easy for us to achieve with just one kid, and as I've already explained, having one child allows us to be more social when we spend time with others because we don't have to spend the entire time attending to hour kids.

Not exactly sure what PP meant by "politically" but I will admit that we are also conservationists and find that having one child allows us to make more environmentally responsible choices than some our siblings and peers with more kids. Though I don't think this is always the case -- I know there are families of 2+ kids that are very environmentally conscious. It's just that in our lives most of the people we know with more kids also drive large vehicles, drive more, and produce more waste. We've always sought to have a smaller footprint, and having just one kid reflects that desire.

I guess this kind of makes sense, but once your kids are past toddlerhood you no longer have to plan social gatherings around their behavior - they play on their own. And for many, more than one college tuition isn't a make or break thing. Honestly, the families I know with one kid are often less social than those with more - perhaps because, like you, they were trying to avoid a chaotic home life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have 1. The vast majority of all parents I know have 2. For those that have more than 2, the vast majority of those families have a SAHM.

I only know a couple people with only children like us.

I also know only a few families with one. It's nearly impossible to have 3 and two full-time working parents, unless there is full-time live-in help, a very flexible job(s), or a SAHM. Ironically this gets more true as the kids get older. One person can't be everywhere at once.

[Anonymous]

I have 1. Most of my friends have 2. A few also have 1 and a few have 3. None of my friends have more than 3. My best friend from growing up has no kids and 2 dogs I hear a lot about

[Anonymous]

My mom is Mormon and my dad is Catholic so I know a lot of big families, though nowadays, I don't know anyone with more than 5 and most stop at 4.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom is Mormon and my dad is Catholic so I know a lot of big families, though nowadays, I don't know anyone with more than 5 and most stop at 4.

When I worked in biglaw, I had a Mormon colleague with 7 kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom is Mormon and my dad is Catholic so I know a lot of big families, though nowadays, I don't know anyone with more than 5 and most stop at 4.

When I worked in biglaw, I had a Mormon colleague with 7 kids.

My cousin (on the Mormon side) works for a boutique firm that was started by Mormons. Lots of his colleagues have a bunch of kids, though mostly 3s and 4s.

[Anonymous]

Of my 10 closest friends in our social circle
2
2
2
2
4
3
2
2 but want more
3
3
1 but infertility issues

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 1. The vast majority of all parents I know have 2. For those that have more than 2, the vast majority of those families have a SAHM.

I only know a couple people with only children like us.

I also know only a few families with one. It's nearly impossible to have 3 and two full-time working parents, unless there is full-time live-in help, a very flexible job(s), or a SAHM. Ironically this gets more true as the kids get older. One person can't be everywhere at once.

With 3 or more, the spacing of the kids matters. A lot of the 4 kid families I know sort of had two 2-kid families with a gap in between the pairs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 1. The vast majority of all parents I know have 2. For those that have more than 2, the vast majority of those families have a SAHM.

I only know a couple people with only children like us.

I also know only a few families with one. It's nearly impossible to have 3 and two full-time working parents, unless there is full-time live-in help, a very flexible job(s), or a SAHM. Ironically this gets more true as the kids get older. One person can't be everywhere at once.

I would say this is true once you get to 4 kids or more. We have 3 kids and two very busy demanding full time working jobs (lawyer and contracts managers) and no nanny. We make it work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 1. The vast majority of all parents I know have 2. For those that have more than 2, the vast majority of those families have a SAHM.

I only know a couple people with only children like us.

I also know only a few families with one. It's nearly impossible to have 3 and two full-time working parents, unless there is full-time live-in help, a very flexible job(s), or a SAHM. Ironically this gets more true as the kids get older. One person can't be everywhere at once.

I would say this is true once you get to 4 kids or more. We have 3 kids and two very busy demanding full time working jobs (lawyer and contracts managers) and no nanny. We make it work.