How many kids do you have, and how many kids do your friends have?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm pregnant with our fourth and probably final kid. Our friends have 2-6, if you count pregnancies. Some are done having kids and some are not. Among our kids' friends, a few are from larger families, with the largest being 10.

You can't count pregnancies! Just kids that are alive. Hell, my own mother had SEVEN miscarriages before she got pregnant with my older brother. She believes strongly that it's fine to "replace yourselves" with a new generation but that's it. She has two kids. She would NEVER have had seven kids!

You sound disturbed. I don't mean counting every pregnancy ever had. If I was counting that way, I'd say I'm pregnant with my ninth, which would be ridiculous.

Well what else could you have possibly meant when you said "... if you count pregnancies." ? That's what that means.

Pregnancies currently in progress. Rounding up, essentially. Not past miscarriages. That is an extremely bizarre reading.

Nah, I've seen too many things go wrong - you can't count a pregnancy until it's resulted in a live baby.

Sure, but it indicates the number the people will end up with in the overwhelming likelihood, either because this one will end in a live birth (which is really very common if you get the stage where you are telling casual friends) or they will lose this baby but try for another one. I get your anxiety. I have had so many miscarriages that I just kind of guesstimate at this point at the OB’s office when they ask the questions how many pregnancies have you had since I’ve lost count. But, you need to put down your baggage and realize the question is not quibbling about the details in this way.

[Anonymous]

I have 2.

If I think of friends off the top of my head they have

2
1
2
3
1
2
2
3
3
3
2
2
2

I have two acquaintances who have 4 and my SIL has 4 but I don't have any close friends with four. So a spattering of 3, most have 2, and two close friends with 1.

[Anonymous]

We have 1. Of my inner circle, I have six friends with 2, two with 1 child, and one with 0. Of our close neighbors (who are quasi friends), two have 1 and another has 2.

[Anonymous]

I couldn't be more than friendly acquaintances with someone who had more than 4 kids.

[Anonymous]

We have 3. Our friends tend to have 3 or 4, with a handful of 2 here or there. The ones that only have zero-one either aren't done yet or have conflicting medical factors.

[Anonymous]

We have three. 3 is the most popular in our 6yo’s friend group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I couldn't be more than friendly acquaintances with someone who had more than 4 kids.

aww you're missing out then!

[Anonymous]

We have 1 with no plans for a second. Of our close friends who are local, they have:

1
2
1
2
1
3
2

Honestly, we like hanging out with the other families with just one child the most. Our kids play together even if there is an age gap and that occupies them, and then all the adults can actually get time to socialize. Even when the kids need more hands on supervision, it generally only takes one adult at a time, so it is just a much more relaxing social outing.

Our friends with 2 kids, what usually happens is that two of the kids play together but someone is always left out (usually whoever is youngest). There is more fighting and complaining and the varying ages mean we are more limited in what we can do. It's just more stressful overall.

The couple with 3 kids I no longer invite to our home because it is exhausting and chaotic and I don't feel like they supervise their kids well enough and I find myself spending the whole time getting interrupted and cleaning up after their kids, or feeding their kids, or answering their kids questions. My own child winds up getting neglected because their 3 kids just dominate everything and their dynamic becomes the group dynamic. We will sometimes meet up with them at the park or go to their house for a BBQ where we can just be the guest and there is less pressure on us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have 1 with no plans for a second. Of our close friends who are local, they have:

1
2
1
2
1
3
2

Honestly, we like hanging out with the other families with just one child the most. Our kids play together even if there is an age gap and that occupies them, and then all the adults can actually get time to socialize. Even when the kids need more hands on supervision, it generally only takes one adult at a time, so it is just a much more relaxing social outing.

Our friends with 2 kids, what usually happens is that two of the kids play together but someone is always left out (usually whoever is youngest). There is more fighting and complaining and the varying ages mean we are more limited in what we can do. It's just more stressful overall.

The couple with 3 kids I no longer invite to our home because it is exhausting and chaotic and I don't feel like they supervise their kids well enough and I find myself spending the whole time getting interrupted and cleaning up after their kids, or feeding their kids, or answering their kids questions. My own child winds up getting neglected because their 3 kids just dominate everything and their dynamic becomes the group dynamic. We will sometimes meet up with them at the park or go to their house for a BBQ where we can just be the guest and there is less pressure on us.

Yes- we find we have most in common financially, politically and socially with other one-and-dones

And yes, this is by design.

[Anonymous]

We are older, but have 4. It varies based on my group of friends.

My friend group where I live for the past 20 years, 5 families have 4 kids too. I think we may have gravitated towards each other when our oldest were in kindergarten. There are 2 more additional families in our group with 1 and 2 kids.

Other friends from high school, college and in our families mostly have 2 or 3. I only have one other friend in that group that has 4.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 1 with no plans for a second. Of our close friends who are local, they have:

1
2
1
2
1
3
2

Honestly, we like hanging out with the other families with just one child the most. Our kids play together even if there is an age gap and that occupies them, and then all the adults can actually get time to socialize. Even when the kids need more hands on supervision, it generally only takes one adult at a time, so it is just a much more relaxing social outing.

Our friends with 2 kids, what usually happens is that two of the kids play together but someone is always left out (usually whoever is youngest). There is more fighting and complaining and the varying ages mean we are more limited in what we can do. It's just more stressful overall.

The couple with 3 kids I no longer invite to our home because it is exhausting and chaotic and I don't feel like they supervise their kids well enough and I find myself spending the whole time getting interrupted and cleaning up after their kids, or feeding their kids, or answering their kids questions. My own child winds up getting neglected because their 3 kids just dominate everything and their dynamic becomes the group dynamic. We will sometimes meet up with them at the park or go to their house for a BBQ where we can just be the guest and there is less pressure on us.

Yes- we find we have most in common financially, politically and socially with other one-and-dones

And yes, this is by design.

Curious as to what you mean by this?

[Anonymous]

I have 2. Most of my friends have 1. One friend has 3.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I couldn't be more than friendly acquaintances with someone who had more than 4 kids.

aww you're missing out then!

Not at all

[Anonymous]

My friends all have two or zero. I'm one and done. But I've never gotten any ugliness about it. Just curiosity/good-natured ribbing.

[Anonymous]

I have 2 bio, 1 adopted, and one step. This puts me in the middle of my friends.