Reply to How many kids do you have, and how many kids do your friends have?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We have 1 with no plans for a second. Of our close friends who are local, they have:

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Honestly, we like hanging out with the other families with just one child the most. Our kids play together even if there is an age gap and that occupies them, and then all the adults can actually get time to socialize. Even when the kids need more hands on supervision, it generally only takes one adult at a time, so it is just a much more relaxing social outing.

Our friends with 2 kids, what usually happens is that two of the kids play together but someone is always left out (usually whoever is youngest). There is more fighting and complaining and the varying ages mean we are more limited in what we can do. It's just more stressful overall.

The couple with 3 kids I no longer invite to our home because it is exhausting and chaotic and I don't feel like they supervise their kids well enough and I find myself spending the whole time getting interrupted and cleaning up after their kids, or feeding their kids, or answering their kids questions. My own child winds up getting neglected because their 3 kids just dominate everything and their dynamic becomes the group dynamic. We will sometimes meet up with them at the park or go to their house for a BBQ where we can just be the guest and there is less pressure on us.[/quote]

Yes- we find we have[b] most in common financially, politically and socially with other one-and-dones
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And yes, this is by design.[/quote]

Curious as to what you mean by this?  [/quote]

I'm the original PP (so not the person you are responding to) but I am guessing that they mean that other parents of one-and-dones simply have similar priorities. We had just one child because we wanted to be able to continue to travel, and we didn't want to have to stress out a lot about affording multiple college educations plus retirement. We also value a calm and quiet home life, which is pretty easy for us to achieve with just one kid, and as I've already explained, having one child allows us to be more social when we spend time with others because we don't have to spend the entire time attending to hour kids.

Not exactly sure what PP meant by "politically" but I will admit that we are also conservationists and find that having one child allows us to make more environmentally responsible choices than some our siblings and peers with more kids. Though I don't think this is always the case -- I know there are families of 2+ kids that are very environmentally conscious. It's just that in our lives most of the people we know with more kids also drive large vehicles, drive more, and produce more waste. We've always sought to have a smaller footprint, and having just one kid reflects that desire.[/quote]

I guess this kind of makes sense, but once your kids are past toddlerhood you no longer have to plan social gatherings around their behavior - they play on their own.  And for many, more than one college tuition isn't a make or break thing.  Honestly, the families I know with one kid are often less social than those with more - perhaps because, like you, they were trying to avoid a chaotic home life.[/quote]

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