Girlfriend taking job In another state

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you feel like she’s choosing a job opportunity and the chance to pay down her educational debt over your relationship. What other solutions do you see or have you offered to her concerns about her debt? Are you offering to help? Or are you just wanting / expecting her to put your relationship first — without offering any help or security or even a reasonable plan? What are you offering to change? Why would this keep you from getting engaged? It sounds like you expect to keep everything else in your life the same — instead of working together as a couple to figure out priorities and solutions.

OP here. She never discussed the offer with me before deciding to take it. She told me after she decided to take it that she was going to take the job. I asked her to stay and offered to pay for it or help pay for it. She declined. She said she felt uncomfortable with asking me to do that since we are not married.

My main issue is she didn’t even consult me. We have been talking for weeks about becoming more serious. Then she decides to take this job without even talking to me about it. I would never do that. I know we are not engaged, but we have been talking it. This is not a 6 month relationship where you’re still unsure. This is 1+ year relationship where we discussed her moving in with me, getting married, having kids, etc. I’m feel like my feelings are stronger for her than hers are for me.

I will try to say this gently, but the bolded above may be the case.

I think all you can really do is be honest - tell her you want her to stay, want to get married, want to have kids. That you will not stop her from going but you are worried about the relationship. And then let it be. At this point, she's kind of thrown a hand grenade. I don't say that to blame be mean, but it's the truth. I'd tell her how I feel and then back off. Without any pressure from you she may realize that taking this travel job is a bad idea. Or if she plows ahead, some distance may help you decide what you want.

You have a right to be upset, but the brutal truth is that if she does not want to marry you, that's a blessing for you to know so you can find someone who does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you’re looking for an excuse to dump her. Otherwise just try it out and see how it goes before assumes it won’t work.

OP here. This is not true. I want to marry her. Why would I be upset if I planned to break up with her?

If you want to marry her, why haven’t you proposed yet?

OP will probably come back with something like he doesn’t think it’s a good idea to get engaged until you’ve lived together first (which of course must be put off until someone’s lease is up). And what he will really be saying is that he’s not all-in in their relationship yet, he’s still holding back because he’s not actually certain he wants to marry her. She knows it, and that’s why she’s not betting everything on their relationship.

OP here. It’s her. I would have proposed at a year. She said she didn’t want to rush things and believed in living together before getting married. I would have asked her to marry me before living together. She wanted to wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you’re looking for an excuse to dump her. Otherwise just try it out and see how it goes before assumes it won’t work.

OP here. This is not true. I want to marry her. Why would I be upset if I planned to break up with her?

If you want to marry her, why haven’t you proposed yet?

OP will probably come back with something like he doesn’t think it’s a good idea to get engaged until you’ve lived together first (which of course must be put off until someone’s lease is up). And what he will really be saying is that he’s not all-in in their relationship yet, he’s still holding back because he’s not actually certain he wants to marry her. She knows it, and that’s why she’s not betting everything on their relationship.

OP here. It’s her. I would have proposed at a year. She said she didn’t want to rush things and believed in living together before getting married. I would have asked her to marry me before living together. She wanted to wait.

The details keep changing and are very different from what you put in your original post, You keep adding or changing details to fit what's being asked of you. Troll. Advice for both you the troll and you " the boyfriend" give up the jig is up, move on. IT's not for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you’re looking for an excuse to dump her. Otherwise just try it out and see how it goes before assumes it won’t work.

OP here. This is not true. I want to marry her. Why would I be upset if I planned to break up with her?

If you want to marry her, why haven’t you proposed yet?

OP will probably come back with something like he doesn’t think it’s a good idea to get engaged until you’ve lived together first (which of course must be put off until someone’s lease is up). And what he will really be saying is that he’s not all-in in their relationship yet, he’s still holding back because he’s not actually certain he wants to marry her. She knows it, and that’s why she’s not betting everything on their relationship.

OP here. It’s her. I would have proposed at a year. She said she didn’t want to rush things and believed in living together before getting married. I would have asked her to marry me before living together. She wanted to wait.

The details keep changing and are very different from what you put in your original post, You keep adding or changing details to fit what's being asked of you. Troll. Advice for both you the troll and you " the boyfriend" give up the jig is up, move on. IT's not for you.

OP here. I never said anything before about her wanting to rush. Everyone in the replies was suggesting it was because of it. I never said anything about that so I didn’t change any details. None of the details I wrote in that response were in my original post or mentioned in any other replies. Stop trying to create drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you’re looking for an excuse to dump her. Otherwise just try it out and see how it goes before assumes it won’t work.

OP here. This is not true. I want to marry her. Why would I be upset if I planned to break up with her?

If you want to marry her, why haven’t you proposed yet?

OP will probably come back with something like he doesn’t think it’s a good idea to get engaged until you’ve lived together first (which of course must be put off until someone’s lease is up). And what he will really be saying is that he’s not all-in in their relationship yet, he’s still holding back because he’s not actually certain he wants to marry her. She knows it, and that’s why she’s not betting everything on their relationship.

OP here. It’s her. I would have proposed at a year. She said she didn’t want to rush things and believed in living together before getting married. I would have asked her to marry me before living together. She wanted to wait.

The details keep changing and are very different from what you put in your original post, You keep adding or changing details to fit what's being asked of you. Troll. Advice for both you the troll and you " the boyfriend" give up the jig is up, move on. IT's not for you.

Then get off the thread. I can’t stand people who whine about things that have nothing to do with them. Don’t like the thread? Move along. It’s that simple. Some of you really need to grow up. Stop acting like a little kid.

[Anonymous]

Let her go. If she doesn’t stay in touch or doesn’t come back, she’s not for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you feel like she’s choosing a job opportunity and the chance to pay down her educational debt over your relationship. What other solutions do you see or have you offered to her concerns about her debt? Are you offering to help? Or are you just wanting / expecting her to put your relationship first — without offering any help or security or even a reasonable plan? What are you offering to change? Why would this keep you from getting engaged? It sounds like you expect to keep everything else in your life the same — instead of working together as a couple to figure out priorities and solutions.

OP here. She never discussed the offer with me before deciding to take it. She told me after she decided to take it that she was going to take the job. I asked her to stay and offered to pay for it or help pay for it. She declined. She said she felt uncomfortable with asking me to do that since we are not married.

My main issue is she didn’t even consult me. We have been talking for weeks about becoming more serious. Then she decides to take this job without even talking to me about it. I would never do that. I know we are not engaged, but we have been talking it. This is not a 6 month relationship where you’re still unsure. This is 1+ year relationship where we discussed her moving in with me, getting married, having kids, etc. I’m feel like my feelings are stronger for her than hers are for me.

Maybe she thought weeks were enough and if you wanted her to stay you would have proposed. She is doing what a man would have done in the past and good for her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you’re looking for an excuse to dump her. Otherwise just try it out and see how it goes before assumes it won’t work.

OP here. This is not true. I want to marry her. Why would I be upset if I planned to break up with her?

If you want to marry her, why haven’t you proposed yet?

OP will probably come back with something like he doesn’t think it’s a good idea to get engaged until you’ve lived together first (which of course must be put off until someone’s lease is up). And what he will really be saying is that he’s not all-in in their relationship yet, he’s still holding back because he’s not actually certain he wants to marry her. She knows it, and that’s why she’s not betting everything on their relationship.

OP here. It’s her. I would have proposed at a year. She said she didn’t want to rush things and believed in living together before getting married. I would have asked her to marry me before living together. She wanted to wait.

The details keep changing and are very different from what you put in your original post, You keep adding or changing details to fit what's being asked of you. Troll. Advice for both you the troll and

you " the boyfriend" give up the jig is up, move on. IT's not for you.

Then get off the thread. I can’t stand people who whine about things that have nothing to do with them. Don’t like the thread? Move along. It’s that simple. Some of you really need to grow up. Stop acting like a little kid.

Soxkpuppeting. You really should wait at least 5 minutes before posting in agreement with yourself, OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you feel like she’s choosing a job opportunity and the chance to pay down her educational debt over your relationship. What other solutions do you see or have you offered to her concerns about her debt? Are you offering to help? Or are you just wanting / expecting her to put your relationship first — without offering any help or security or even a reasonable plan? What are you offering to change? Why would this keep you from getting engaged? It sounds like you expect to keep everything else in your life the same — instead of working together as a couple to figure out priorities and solutions.

OP here. She never discussed the offer with me before deciding to take it. She told me after she decided to take it that she was going to take the job. I asked her to stay and offered to pay for it or help pay for it. She declined. She said she felt uncomfortable with asking me to do that since we are not married.

My main issue is she didn’t even consult me. We have been talking for weeks about becoming more serious. Then she decides to take this job without even talking to me about it. I would never do that. I know we are not engaged, but we have been talking it. This is not a 6 month relationship where you’re still unsure. This is 1+ year relationship where we discussed her moving in with me, getting married, having kids, etc. I’m feel like my feelings are stronger for her than hers are for me.

Maybe she thought weeks were enough and if you wanted her to stay you would have proposed. She is doing what a man would have done in the past and good for her!

OP is a troll there's no girlfriend and there's no job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After I had been dating my now-husband for a year, I decided to go to law school three hours a way. We were long distance for three years, but got engaged during that time and married right after I graduated. It wasn’t always easy, but we stuck with it because we were committed to each other.

I guess the question for OP is, are you actually committed to your girlfriend, or are you just marking time with her?

OP here. Very serious. I want to marry her. She doesn’t think a wedding will happen until her contract is up. I guess I’m just most upset that she didn’t even really talk me about things before even saying she would accept it. She just told me she was taking it. I would never do that. I would discuss things with her before making a decision. I’m starting to feel like my feelings for her are much stronger than hers are for me. Here I am making plans for our future, and she is making plans for herself.

On the flip side, you’re asking her to make all of the compromises and sacrifices so that everything is as easy and comfortable as possible for you.

At that age, I would be hesitant about sacrificing my financial well-being for someone who wasn’t ready to propose yet.

OP here. She knows I planned to propose. She knew the timeline. She knew I was looking at rings. We talked about all of this. She knows I have more than enough money to help her.

At 31 she has no time to waste. Lot’s of talk but no action from you, a year and change into the relationship and you still had not moved in together. She is moving on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you feel like she’s choosing a job opportunity and the chance to pay down her educational debt over your relationship. What other solutions do you see or have you offered to her concerns about her debt? Are you offering to help? Or are you just wanting / expecting her to put your relationship first — without offering any help or security or even a reasonable plan? What are you offering to change? Why would this keep you from getting engaged? It sounds like you expect to keep everything else in your life the same — instead of working together as a couple to figure out priorities and solutions.

OP here. She never discussed the offer with me before deciding to take it. She told me after she decided to take it that she was going to take the job. I asked her to stay and offered to pay for it or help pay for it. She declined. She said she felt uncomfortable with asking me to do that since we are not married.

My main issue is she didn’t even consult me. We have been talking for weeks about becoming more serious. Then she decides to take this job without even talking to me about it. I would never do that. I know we are not engaged, but we have been talking it. This is not a 6 month relationship where you’re still unsure. This is 1+ year relationship where we discussed her moving in with me, getting married, having kids, etc. I’m feel like my feelings are stronger for her than hers are for me.

Maybe she thought weeks were enough and if you wanted her to stay you would have proposed. She is doing what a man would have done in the past and good for her!

OP is a troll there's no girlfriend and there's no job.

The resident troll is back. Get off this site.

[Anonymous]

If you are married the debt will be a joint problem.
Sounds like she is trying to manage what’s best for your future.

Plenty of young ppl traveled extensively for career, and most don’t end up single either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you feel like she’s choosing a job opportunity and the chance to pay down her educational debt over your relationship. What other solutions do you see or have you offered to her concerns about her debt? Are you offering to help? Or are you just wanting / expecting her to put your relationship first — without offering any help or security or even a reasonable plan? What are you offering to change? Why would this keep you from getting engaged? It sounds like you expect to keep everything else in your life the same — instead of working together as a couple to figure out priorities and solutions.

OP here. She never discussed the offer with me before deciding to take it. She told me after she decided to take it that she was going to take the job. I asked her to stay and offered to pay for it or help pay for it. She declined. She said she felt uncomfortable with asking me to do that since we are not married.

My main issue is she didn’t even consult me. We have been talking for weeks about becoming more serious. Then she decides to take this job without even talking to me about it. I would never do that. I know we are not engaged, but we have been talking it. This is not a 6 month relationship where you’re still unsure. This is 1+ year relationship where we discussed her moving in with me, getting married, having kids, etc. I’m feel like my feelings are stronger for her than hers are for me.

Maybe she thought weeks were enough and if you wanted her to stay you would have proposed. She is doing what a man would have done in the past and good for her!

OP is a troll there's no girlfriend and there's no job.

OP here. Does you life really suck that much that you need to go on everyone’s threads and post the same thing? You’re annoying. Not entertaining - annoying . Get a life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are married the debt will be a joint problem.
Sounds like she is trying to manage what’s best for your future.

Plenty of young ppl traveled extensively for career, and most don’t end up single either.

+1 I traveled 90% of the time (46-47 weeks per year) for the first 6 years after grad school, which included the entirety of my dating and marriage to my husband. I have absolutely no debt, own our home and vehicles outright, and was able to take a job that still pays very well and has minimal travel and a straight 40hr work week. We are now having our first.

Here’s what I recommend:
1. Propose now
2. Move her life into your house before her contract begins. She’ll take some things with her, but it’s not a full relocation every time. This makes you home base for when she has a chance to visit between locations
3. You travel to her. Monthly at least.
4. See how it’s going in 12 months. Most travel nurses stay in one place for 6 months to start, but may extend. 12 months will give you both a chance to see how the relationship holds up and may make her want to get married while she’s still traveling.
5. Set a date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you feel like she’s choosing a job opportunity and the chance to pay down her educational debt over your relationship. What other solutions do you see or have you offered to her concerns about her debt? Are you offering to help? Or are you just wanting / expecting her to put your relationship first — without offering any help or security or even a reasonable plan? What are you offering to change? Why would this keep you from getting engaged? It sounds like you expect to keep everything else in your life the same — instead of working together as a couple to figure out priorities and solutions.

OP here. She never discussed the offer with me before deciding to take it. She told me after she decided to take it that she was going to take the job. I asked her to stay and offered to pay for it or help pay for it. She declined. She said she felt uncomfortable with asking me to do that since we are not married.

My main issue is she didn’t even consult me. We have been talking for weeks about becoming more serious. Then she decides to take this job without even talking to me about it. I would never do that. I know we are not engaged, but we have been talking it. This is not a 6 month relationship where you’re still unsure. This is 1+ year relationship where we discussed her moving in with me, getting married, having kids, etc. I’m feel like my feelings are stronger for her than hers are for me.

Maybe she thought weeks were enough and if you wanted her to stay you would have proposed. She is doing what a man would have done in the past and good for her!

OP here. She was well aware of my timeline. I brought up moving in and getting engaged in March at the 1 year mark. She said her parents, family, and friends all said it’s important to live with someone before getting engaged or married. You don’t want to make a commitment and then realize you’re not compatible once you start living together. We agreed we would give it more time since her lease will be up this summer. I brought it back up a couple of weeks ago and she said she was ready to move in next month. We talked about me looking at rings and my plan to propose after we lived together for a couple of months. She seemed excited. Then she takes this job and tells me that she is taking it. No discussion. I don’t know any couples who are this serious who don’t discuss big changes like this with their partner first. That’s the most upsetting part for me. Clearly I’m not that important to her.