Badly Behaved Coaches

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Funny thread. 9 out 10 College Soccer coaches are verbally abusive. My advise to you is if you have an elite player, desensitize them early. Kids needs to learn to take criticism otherwise it's going to be that much harder to be succesful.

If your child is playing for fun and does not have aspirations of playing at the college level or higher, move clubs and keep it fun.

Taking a fun game at 9 years old and reducing it to an adult yelling at them on top of parents on the sideline doing the same thing is sure way to take a fun activity, even for kids with promise and turning it into a job.

Who would look forward to that ever? The kids will care about winning soon enough. Yelling at them over their mistakes will not make them more competitive but it will make many tentative and many more quite by 13.

The numbers are overwhelming in regards to the number of kids who walk away from the sport at a very young age. Kids who quit before they even hit puberty and the overall reason is a resounding because "it isn't fun anymore". Now you can say they are weak willed or soft or whatever but they are 9 years old. They are told to play soccer because it is fun and when they get there the adults they trust mostly yell at them either over a mistake or yell at them to do something that the adult wants them to do. And for what? To win a game at 9 years old?

Again Rec is for fun Travel is supposed to be competitive stop trying to change that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree he's a wack job but at the same time we baby and protect our kids way to much. To say your kid would have been yanked after the first game doesn't say too much about you either. Not defending the coach all. Just making the statement that parents are wrong for always creating a safe bubble around they're kids not allowing them to experience the real world either. Again not to this extreme explained here but Please parents let the coach yell at your kids sometimes with emotion. Its a life skill they need to be coachable in many different life situations To tell them they are only doing a good job or always quietly explaining the things they didn't correct isn't always a correct way to deal with it either. I see too many parents feeling its not OK for a coach to yelll at their kid in front of other parents and players because they and their kid will be embarrassed. News flash for everyone whether your kid is the worst player on the field or the best on the field when they screw up its OK for the coach to show a variety of emotional with them. Anger and disappointment is just as good for the kid as positivity and praise are. Please stop the over protecting bubble like world you're keeping your kid in. Youre only screwing them up for later in life when they see the real world doesn't work like that.

Common now. Coaches shouldn’t need to yell whether it’s in front of anyone or not. There are much better and more effective ways to communicate than yelling. It’s not parents over-protecting their kids if a full grown adult man is yelling/screaming at their DC 10 year old DC.

Again stop being so over protective with the kids. Yelling at and telling them they are wrong in front of other is a teaching point to get through to everyone. Everyone can learn from Johnnys mistake including Johnny. Travel soccer is becoming an over priced rec environment. Travel is supposed to be a competitive thing not just to play and have fun. Its a different set of goals. True competitive sports are being watered down because of business. More and more you can buy your way into the environment. It used to be the only kids playing in these environment were the kids who were more talented and more competitive. They would have tryouts and select the few that deserved to make it. Now we have so many opportunities and so many clubs anyone who wants to play can. Its really watered down the the competitive aspect. Its sad when a player or coach who are actually wired like true athletes are (most won't understand that) are being out numbered by families who just want their DC to be included rather than earn their spot.

Stop thinking that they are little adults and at this age it is a game, meant to be fun and enjoyed. Coaching is to guide and teach without a primary focus being on the competition per say.

It is inappropriate at such young ages, and yes, they are young at 9 friggin years old.

Then if as a parent you feel that way put your kid in a recreational environment. Its your choice. You cant expect the sport to adapt to your expectations.

Rec coaches do the the same thing.

The only difference is the time commitment. The kids don't know the difference other than they are more challenged on the field. They don't need to be challenged from the sideline as well. Travel is not professional and simply being on a travel team did not transform a 9 year old into a 27 year old professional either.

If you need to yell at a 9 year old you suck at communicating. How many teachers yell at their grade school students? How many of them yell at the students while taking a math test?

The problem is you honestly believe they are coaches when in truth, they are teachers and they should act as such. You may have had a high school coach yell at you but it is unlikely that you had a youth coach yell at you in the same way as coaches do today. And if a HS coach yells, as HS student you are old enough to decide for yourself whether or not it is ok. But grade school kids don't have that autonomy when heir parents are putting them in these environments and then at the first sign of losing a game, or worse, losing a role on the team, they turn on their kid and let the coach get away with it because of their own insecurities no matter how poorly it affects the kid.

Just ask yourself this, if the coach is so awesome 3 days a week then why does he need to yell at them during the game to do what he wants? Clearly, whatever he tried to convey he failed at if he needed to yell at a bunch of 9 year olds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Funny thread. 9 out 10 College Soccer coaches are verbally abusive. My advise to you is if you have an elite player, desensitize them early. Kids needs to learn to take criticism otherwise it's going to be that much harder to be succesful.

If your child is playing for fun and does not have aspirations of playing at the college level or higher, move clubs and keep it fun.

Taking a fun game at 9 years old and reducing it to an adult yelling at them on top of parents on the sideline doing the same thing is sure way to take a fun activity, even for kids with promise and turning it into a job.

Who would look forward to that ever? The kids will care about winning soon enough. Yelling at them over their mistakes will not make them more competitive but it will make many tentative and many more quite by 13.

The numbers are overwhelming in regards to the number of kids who walk away from the sport at a very young age. Kids who quit before they even hit puberty and the overall reason is a resounding because "it isn't fun anymore". Now you can say they are weak willed or soft or whatever but they are 9 years old. They are told to play soccer because it is fun and when they get there the adults they trust mostly yell at them either over a mistake or yell at them to do something that the adult wants them to do. And for what? To win a game at 9 years old?

Again Rec is for fun Travel is supposed to be competitive stop trying to change that.

travel is supposed to be about being more competitive, but screaming at 10 year olds to be in the position that a coach decides they should be in and playing the ball to the other kid that their coach has decided they should play it to and then moving off ball to the position that their coach dictates they move to does nothing but crush any creativity the kid may have had

[Anonymous]

While I agree that screaming at 9 year olds constantly is a poor coaching and example setting technique I challenge all the experts posting here to volunteer to coach their local team. Then, let’s have an informed discussion. I once had an opposing coach (Grown man) actually run out onto the field to yell at one of my players. 6th grade girl. Needless to say I did not display the sort of restraint and maturity I should have in verbally dealing with the opposing coach, but until you are in these actual scenarios you don’t really know how’d you react.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While I agree that screaming at 9 year olds constantly is a poor coaching and example setting technique I challenge all the experts posting here to volunteer to coach their local team. Then, let’s have an informed discussion. I once had an opposing coach (Grown man) actually run out onto the field to yell at one of my players. 6th grade girl. Needless to say I did not display the sort of restraint and maturity I should have in verbally dealing with the opposing coach, but until you are in these actual scenarios you don’t really know how’d you react.

Here is the thing, travel coaches are not "volunteers". They are paid, and that qualifies them to be called "professionals". And as "professionals" they should be properly trained how to do their job professionally. The industry should not accept yelling at elementary school age kids as professional.

[Anonymous]

DDs have player for years and both their teams do well despite not being coached by yellers

[Anonymous]

I like strict coaches. I like high expectations. I like a coach who pulls a kid for not doing what he was supposed to do and who either asks him why he thinks he got pulled or tells him why and makes him think about it. I don't mind occasional yelling. I can even tolerate regular yelling. One of my kids has a coach who gets really heated and sometimes yells out the kids names in a way that might seem a bit intense... I love that my son doesn't let it get it to him. When my kid doesn't start because he was late to practice and the team super star plays all game even though he missed practice, I tell my kid that that's life and get used to it.

But the particulars of what a coach says and how the coach says it matter a lot. There's a line that isn't okay to cross. We all probably set the line in a different place. I think I am okay with more tough coaching than other parents but I have a line. And I did choose not to take my daughter to a particular club because I had a bad feeling about the coach and then read specifics on this board about his behavior.

[Anonymous]

Kinda curious whether the person arguing in favor of "competitive" yelling coaches is cool with being yelled at by their boss?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like strict coaches. I like high expectations. I like a coach who pulls a kid for not doing what he was supposed to do and who either asks him why he thinks he got pulled or tells him why and makes him think about it. I don't mind occasional yelling. I can even tolerate regular yelling. One of my kids has a coach who gets really heated and sometimes yells out the kids names in a way that might seem a bit intense... I love that my son doesn't let it get it to him. When my kid doesn't start because he was late to practice and the team super star plays all game even though he missed practice, I tell my kid that that's life and get used to it.

But the particulars of what a coach says and how the coach says it matter a lot. There's a line that isn't okay to cross. We all probably set the line in a different place. I think I am okay with more tough coaching than other parents but I have a line. And I did choose not to take my daughter to a particular club because I had a bad feeling about the coach and then read specifics on this board about his behavior.

People seem to believe "strict" and "disciplined" are interchangeable. But a coach can be strict yet lack discipline. When a coach yells they are essentially advertising that they lack both discipline and control of the situation. Not a single person who is in full control and has maturity and self control/discipline would fine themselves yelling at 9 year old kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kinda curious whether the person arguing in favor of "competitive" yelling coaches is cool with being yelled at by their boss?

They would not be and we know it. If a person was yelling at them for every mistake, every typo, every misspoken word, while in the act of working, they would lose their mind.

The problem is micromanagement has an immediate impact but may result in long-term issues. That's why you see so much joysticking by these coaches trying to alter the course of the game. They are the worst at seeing what their players are really worth. They can't allow it, so they control it. They take the test for the kid. But by doing that, the kid really will only get as good as the person controlling them at any time. Once the game field is too big and far to hear, those kids are lost. You see it all the time, they make bad choices over and over. They never got to think for themselves.

I say let them keep yelling. It's not going really help, because the players who can make decisions on their own faster will always be better at this game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I agree that screaming at 9 year olds constantly is a poor coaching and example setting technique I challenge all the experts posting here to volunteer to coach their local team. Then, let’s have an informed discussion. I once had an opposing coach (Grown man) actually run out onto the field to yell at one of my players. 6th grade girl. Needless to say I did not display the sort of restraint and maturity I should have in verbally dealing with the opposing coach, but until you are in these actual scenarios you don’t really know how’d you react.

Here is the thing, travel coaches are not "volunteers". They are paid, and that qualifies them to be called "professionals". And as "professionals" they should be properly trained how to do their job professionally. The industry should not accept yelling at elementary school age kids as professional.

That is it right there. Why unprofessional tantrums are considered acceptable, and even somehow necessary, for athletic excellence and top performance is the whole ballgame. Separate the kids and parents from the equation - this is behavior of grown men during their JOB with children.

If I used the excuse I needed to shout and scream to get the best performance from my team in my job I’d be a) sent for remedial management training or more likely b) fired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my kid were on such a team, I’d complain to the director of the club. If it weren’t corrected, we’d find another club.

Youre the type of parent that would confront the parents when their child beats up your kid in a fistfight . but would be highly offended if a parent confronted you because your kids poor play lost the game for the team. Your kid isn't the special darling prodigy you believe he is.
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Thats the problem right there!!! you shouldn't have the ability just to say "We'd find another club". Too many bad kids are allowed to play to make everything level. All the competitiveness is sucked out travel sports. Its become a social wine and cheese weekend event. The bigger problem is there are too many clubs that just see the money and dont care about the athlete. We cater to the parent of the subpar kid who in reality sucks at soccer. We leave behind and dont develop the actual good athlete who cares and wants get better.

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How about your kid gives 100% and if its not good enough so be it. Dont lower the standard to make it appear your kid is actually successful if they are truly not.

My son is the lead goal scorer on his team — that’s a fact. I am confident that he’s also the best player on his team — that’s my opinion, of course.

None of that has anything to do with tolerating a blowhard coach aggressively yelling at him and his 8 year old teammates. I’ve seen it (hello, SYC!) and it’s boorish. A good coach can be firm and serious but also age appropriate with young kids that age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I agree that screaming at 9 year olds constantly is a poor coaching and example setting technique I challenge all the experts posting here to volunteer to coach their local team. Then, let’s have an informed discussion. I once had an opposing coach (Grown man) actually run out onto the field to yell at one of my players. 6th grade girl. Needless to say I did not display the sort of restraint and maturity I should have in verbally dealing with the opposing coach, but until you are in these actual scenarios you don’t really know how’d you react.

Here is the thing, travel coaches are not "volunteers". They are paid, and that qualifies them to be called "professionals". And as "professionals" they should be properly trained how to do their job professionally. The industry should not accept yelling at elementary school age kids as professional.

Yeah and they should be trained to tell the parent sorry I cant take your money your kids sucks and maybe competitive sports isn't for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Funny thread. 9 out 10 College Soccer coaches are verbally abusive. My advise to you is if you have an elite player, desensitize them early. Kids needs to learn to take criticism otherwise it's going to be that much harder to be succesful.

If your child is playing for fun and does not have aspirations of playing at the college level or higher, move clubs and keep it fun.

I would have thought you were exaggerating before my kid and his friends started their college careers, but there is literally one coach among the dozen or so we hear about that doesn’t routinely subject players to verbal abuse and sometimes worse. I suppose I’m grateful that my kid’s youth experience left him able to withstand extremely personal attacks and public humiliation without flinching? He will certainly be able to deal with a Gordon Ramsay style boss in the future. Funnily enough, some of the coaches do this on purpose because they think it’s a good strategy for motivating the kids (also like Gordon Ramsay, who I’ve read is a kind and thoughtful person in real life). Others are just insecure people with anger management problems, as sounds like the case with the coach OP describes.

A PP mentioned advances in coaching psychology over the last few decades. It would be interesting to know what percentage of college (or pro) coaches actually follow best practices in this regard. There’s not much incentive to do so when you have a group that’s motivated to stay either for the scholarship money or chance to play. Obviously a similar dynamic is at work at the youth level in the case of coaches with a good track record of sending kids to D1 or professional leagues.

[Anonymous]

Remember competitive sports are results driven recreational sports are enjoyment driven. Two very different animals that I think we are trying to crossover to appease the almighty dollar.