Why does everyone say their third was an accident?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because when you’re in your early 40’s and your always-reliable cycle starts being way shorter or way longer because of perimenopause, accidents happen.

And before you ask, we’re not on hormonal birth control because of the increased risk of cancer.

You know there’s non-hormonal bc right?

I’ve noticed this too. It’s like these successful bright women have suddenly forgotten everything they learned in sex Ed. It’s fine to want a third! And if not prevent it! I’d be very interested to hear from someone who admits that they lie about it being an accident and why they do so.

Yep, and after thoroughly researching IUDs and all the side effects, it was a hard pass.

Uh, condoms? Seriously, do people still use the rhythm method?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 3rd was an oops baby. And no, I’m not embarrassed in any way for having more than 2 children.

How do you have an oops baby after already having kids? It's not like you're 13. I genuinely wonder this.

Well, here’s my oops. Middle of the night, husband on top of me, I ask if he bought condole, he says no, I push him off. Pregnant at 39. While breastfeeding multiple times a day even. So I call that an ooops, although some might not.
I do know other people that had diaphragm fails when they lost or gained weight, or bc pill fail for unknown reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find this the craziest phenomenon. Like no one is judging you for having three kids! Especially with the mom is in her 40s when the third is born- I feel like 75% or more of the time they claim it was an accident. Did you suddenly forget to understand birth control? Why do you think people are charging you? I’ve had three of these conversations within the last two weeks, no lie.

Because having three kids is absolute insanity and a death sentence.

- signed a father of four...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because when you’re in your early 40’s and your always-reliable cycle starts being way shorter or way longer because of perimenopause, accidents happen.

And before you ask, we’re not on hormonal birth control because of the increased risk of cancer.

Can we also look at this objectively and see that hormonal birth control (the pill) decreases your risk of ovarian cancer and endometrial cancer SUBSTANTIALLY, and they literally just released an important study saying that the risk of breast cancer on the pill (as long as you have no prior history) is super minimal.

Stop the fear mongering about birth control and scaring people off it for no good reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't really understand how married people every have "accidents". Like once you're married, and especially once you've had a kid or two, you obviously know what the deal is. I know some people will say "Oh we thought I couldn't conceive" but as someone who is very clear about not wanting more children, this is not a risk I would ever, ever take.

I think sometimes people are defensive about having 3+ kids because it's increasingly uncommon. So I think they say "oh, Larlo was an accident!" so it sounds like it just happened and it can deflect from uncomfortable questions.

But saying you had a third kid "by accident" makes me [silently] judge you more. If you want a big family, own it. As long as you love and care for your kids, why would matter to me? But acting like any of your kids are a burden or that your family is anything other than intentional makes me wonder if you treat your kids that way, too. I had parents who treated me like an accident they semi regretted and it sucked.

Our first was an accident. We had gone off of bc because we were going to try in two months, but we wanted to give the hormones time to clear my system. We were using a non-hormonal method. Got pregnant. Kid is an oops because we used bc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 3rd was an oops baby. And no, I’m not embarrassed in any way for having more than 2 children.

How do you have an oops baby after already having kids? It's not like you're 13. I genuinely wonder this.

Because birth control isn’t 100% effective.

[Anonymous]

NP. This mildly irks me too, OP.

If you are "lax" about birth control, "cut corners", skip it, even "just that once", and then get pregnant, I'm sorry but that is NOT "a surprise". It's just not. Becoming pregnant was actually a rather-to-be expected outcome. Maybe not the desired outcome, but not a surprise.

If you are using birth control correctly, and it fails (like the strep meds that reduced efficacy of the pill), that is indeed a surprise.

Middle ground, I would say, is the 40 yr old who has had basically a clock-work cycle her whole life, so she thinks she knows her fertile window, and then all of a sudden has a shorter or longer cycle due to perimenopause and gets pregnant. That would be surprising...but still within the realm of possibility that I thought most adults were generally aware of.

I looooooooooooooooooooooove my IUD (non hormonal one), so none of the above for me.

[Anonymous]

I am the 3rd in my family. My brother is 46 and I am 36. Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. This mildly irks me too, OP.

If you are "lax" about birth control, "cut corners", skip it, even "just that once", and then get pregnant, I'm sorry but that is NOT "a surprise". It's just not. Becoming pregnant was actually a rather-to-be expected outcome. Maybe not the desired outcome, but not a surprise.

If you are using birth control correctly, and it fails (like the strep meds that reduced efficacy of the pill), that is indeed a surprise.

Middle ground, I would say, is the 40 yr old who has had basically a clock-work cycle her whole life, so she thinks she knows her fertile window, and then all of a sudden has a shorter or longer cycle due to perimenopause and gets pregnant. That would be surprising...but still within the realm of possibility that I thought most adults were generally aware of.

I looooooooooooooooooooooove my IUD (non hormonal one), so none of the above for me.

To a point. I was definitely surprised when, after needing IVF for my two kids I found myself pregnant after having sex once in a month in my late 30s. Within the realm of possibility, but it was such a long shot that to "beat the odds" so to speak was definitely unexpected and accidental and surprising.

[Anonymous]

I got pregnant while religiously taking birth control pills for 20 years at age 41, it was unplanned, but he's a great almost 5 year old. my partner likes to think he has super sperm (eye roll).

[Anonymous]

My first 2 took IVF and several years and fertility specialists saying us getting pregnant on our own was basically impossible, my 3rd took none of that. So while he wasn't an unwanted accident, he was definitely a surprise that i'd never considered as a possibility since i wasn't open to doing ivf again

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s often a definitional issue. To some people, an “accident” or “oops” means, “we weren’t *trying* but we weren’t using BC either.” I think that’s lame in this day and age. If you weren’t using BC and using it properly, it’s not an oops.

If you were hoping to avoid pregnancy, and got pregnant, it's an oops, even if you weren't using BC entirely properly.

Many of the available BC methods have reduced effectiveness when certain corners are cut. And cutting those corners can be very tempting in the moment when the risk seems low and remote. DH and I weren't 100% perfect in our BC use during dating or marriage, but we've been lucky and never had an accidental pregnancy. If our luck had gone the other way, I would definitely consider it an oops.

Yeah, I hear you, and I do think that's how most people use the term. And I know how it goes in the heat of the moment. But to me, it's like, if my teenage kid came home and said he had "accidentally" gotten a girl pregnant, and I said, "were you using BC?" and he said, "no, not that time," it's not an accident. Like getting hurt in a car crash because you "accidentally" didn't put your seatbelt on. The outcome may not be desired or intended -- it may be "unplanned" -- but it's not really an "oops," either.

I mean, these are kind of silly semantics. When I got pregnant with my third, unplanned, it was when we hadn't been careful with birth control. When I told my DH, he literally said, "Oops."

[Anonymous]

Our third was an oops, I was on the mini-pill and still nursing my middle child. I’m not sure why people would lie about this? And I only tell women in discussing the pill, because the mini-pill is only very effective when you are exclusively nursing, on-demand and it is taken at the exact same moment daily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our third was an oops, I was on the mini-pill and still nursing my middle child. I’m not sure why people would lie about this? And I only tell women in discussing the pill, because the mini-pill is only very effective when you are exclusively nursing, on-demand and it is taken at the exact same moment daily.

Taken at the same time, within a couple hour window it is effective. You don't have to be nursing, though. People forget that pill efficacy also goes down with weight, too. I believe it was at 165lbs or something it begins to be less effective.