Moms, could you support you and your kids on your salary alone?

[Anonymous]

I'm the OP. I guess I sometimes forget where I live. In most of the rest of the country, yes, a mom would be in serious financial straits if she had to support herself and her kids by herself. Either she would be a SAHM and have no income and would have to go out and find a job in this lovely economy or if she did work, she might be able to do it if all of the planets aligned correctly. I can do it b/c I have one child and use the Y for before and after school care as well as summer childcare. I get reduced tuition from the Y b/c I am "low income." We rent a condo b/c we could never afford anything in this area. Most people (even in this area) don't have a half million in a savings account including my friends who somehow think their $75K or less per year salary will keep them in their highly mortgaged homes, their kids in private school and their 3-4 vacations a year.

[Anonymous]

interesting about the $65k threshold. That is what I make. We could probably scrape by - but just barely.

[Anonymous]

Wow, all these people saying that they'd be able to support their families on just one income makes me wonder -- what is it about all those other people who say that they NEED both incomes to be able to pay the mortgage and buy food?

I'm not sure it's inconsistent. I think there are many families who need both incomes to support their CURRENT lifestyle choices, which may include a big mortgage & private schools. A lot of the women replying on this thread are saying they'd have to downsize, move farther out, and give up a lot of things, but they could still take care of their children. There's a difference between the lifestyle you might choose with two incomes and being able to provide for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Wow, all these people saying that they'd be able to support their families on just one income makes me wonder -- what is it about all those other people who say that they NEED both incomes to be able to pay the mortgage and buy food?

I'm not sure it's inconsistent. I think there are many families who need both incomes to support their CURRENT lifestyle choices, which may include a big mortgage & private schools. A lot of the women replying on this thread are saying they'd have to downsize, move farther out, and give up a lot of things, but they could still take care of their children. There's a difference between the lifestyle you might choose with two incomes and being able to provide for your kids.

Ditto here. If DH left us with no child support or didn't drop dead (so no life insurance), house in Chevy Chase...gone. Goodbye nanny, hello La Petite Academy. Hello coupons, driving the car into the ground, and going back to work full time. Goodbye piano lessons and anything but the bare minimum extracurriculars. The three boys and I could do it, but it wouldn't be anywhere near as comfortable as it is now.

[zumbamama]

As long as I have my health, yes. It's just a matter of living on less. It might be tough, but not impossible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. I guess I sometimes forget where I live. In most of the rest of the country, yes, a mom would be in serious financial straits if she had to support herself and her kids by herself. Either she would be a SAHM and have no income and would have to go out and find a job in this lovely economy or if she did work, she might be able to do it if all of the planets aligned correctly. I can do it b/c I have one child and use the Y for before and after school care as well as summer childcare. I get reduced tuition from the Y b/c I am "low income." We rent a condo b/c we could never afford anything in this area. Most people (even in this area) don't have a half million in a savings account including my friends who somehow think their $75K or less per year salary will keep them in their highly mortgaged homes, their kids in private school and their 3-4 vacations a year.

I'm sure your friends do have some sort of savings account, they are banking on receiving some other source of money to keep up with that lifestyle. They have no reason to tell you exactly how much they have. I'm the type of person that rather have people think I am much less well off than I really am. Nothing good come from people knowing how much you have. I'm not quite sure where you get the figure that most people don't have half million dollars in savings. I'm sure there are some clueless women (including men) out there that don't know how to manage money, but there are a lot of smart ones too, and a lot of women will take half and more during divorce.

[Anonymous]

Well, I'd certainly be up a creek if, all of a sudden, DH disappeared on us. I'm the primary earner but his salary is a necessary element to the household income. He would be way more up a creek if I disappeared, though.

I'd have to do all the usual things, find a cheaper daycare, cut out all the extras, probably give the pets to family members (love 'em but they are expensive), sell the rental property (condo bought before marriage). But, I would still be in the hole with the house. It's a modest house in a modest DC neighborhood purchased, of course, at the height of the housing market. There is a chance I'd take a loss. I suppose I'd be on rice and beans for a while until the market turns around and I could sell it. I like the little house but the upkeep might be more than I'd want to take on alone.

I think it's good to consider these types of things. I don't think that DH will disappear but there is nothing wrong with looking at what I would be able to do if he did. My parents divorced, no alimony or anything like that, and it was especially difficult financially on my mom and she had always worked. I've known women, particularly of the older generation, whose husbands left them and they had no job skills outside the home. These women are still feeling the financial effects. It's sad.

[Anonymous]

Yes, financially we'd manage fine. My salary and investments can support us. The hardest thing for me would be not having my husband around to help out entertaining DD. I really appreciate the breaks I get. The other difference is we'd probably mostly just travel to see family, not so much as tourists.

[Anonymous]

I could do it. We'd opt for public over catholic for elementary school, but I could keep myself and the 3 kids in our house in DC. Our savings rate would plummet dramatically. We already "vacation" by going to see family. I'd probably have to do the math over a nanny vs two kids in daycare plus aftercare for #1, tho. That would be a HUGE chunk of change and the nanny is definitely helpful in ways beyond straight childcare. Here's hoping I never have to make this work.

[Anonymous]

I could (currently making $150k), but would have to give up the house (current mortgage is almost 50% of my monthly salary) or go back to private law practice if I wanted to keep it

[Anonymous]

In my family, it was always drilled into us that you should be able to support yourself and your family. Both my mother and father hammered that notion into me growing up. I took their advice - I chose a profession that would allow me to make a good (although not as awesome as some here on DCUM) living. My spouse and I have always made a point of living a lifestyle that could be supported on one income -- while bringing in two. We don't live as extravagantly as some of our colleagues -- our kids go to public school, we only have 1 car, we could live in a much larger house... but we have traded some "fineries" for comfort and peace of mind.

So yes, I could support my family on my own. I don't think that I would be able to sleep otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Yes, our lifestyle would not change one bit if my husband took off. This was a source of some comfort to me a few years ago when our marriage was rocky. I earn much more than he does working a reduced schedule, and our mortgage is small (bought house long time ago). I might save less for retirement, and I wouldn't love paying two private school tuitions, but we'd be fine. I know some women who put up with a lot of crap from their husbands because they don't want to change their standard of living, and that would NEVER be me.

[Anonymous]

"My mom was a SAH and my dad had a nervous breakdown and ditched the family, so we were instantly thrown into a horrible situation of my mom having no earning potential and life got HARD, I learned right there that I'd never put my kids in that situation. "

Ditto. I grew up on welfare becuase my mother trusted a man. It ain't fun and it never happened to my kids.

[Anonymous]

I didn't have kids when I was single, because I didn't think I'd be able to support them on my own. I waited until I was married.

And I didn't marry some random stranger. I married a person I knew for 6 years. I married a guy I thought, and had years of experience to bakc this up, would be: decent, hard working, and would be caring and have concern for his kids. I specifically looked for that, in a mate.

I don't think he could support a family all on his own, and I know I couldn't. It really takes two IMO to do a decent job at raising kids. If he suddenly left me, it'd be really hard... but I don't think that is very likely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. I guess I sometimes forget where I live. In most of the rest of the country, yes, a mom would be in serious financial straits if she had to support herself and her kids by herself. Either she would be a SAHM and have no income and would have to go out and find a job in this lovely economy or if she did work, she might be able to do it if all of the planets aligned correctly. I can do it b/c I have one child and use the Y for before and after school care as well as summer childcare. I get reduced tuition from the Y b/c I am "low income." We rent a condo b/c we could never afford anything in this area. Most people (even in this area) don't have a half million in a savings account including my friends who somehow think their $75K or less per year salary will keep them in their highly mortgaged homes, their kids in private school and their 3-4 vacations a year.

I'm sure your friends do have some sort of savings account, they are banking on receiving some other source of money to keep up with that lifestyle. They have no reason to tell you exactly how much they have. I'm the type of person that rather have people think I am much less well off than I really am. Nothing good come from people knowing how much you have. I'm not quite sure where you get the figure that most people don't have half million dollars in savings. I'm sure there are some clueless women (including men) out there that don't know how to manage money, but there are a lot of smart ones too, and a lot of women will take half and more during divorce.

She got the half mil from a PP who said she and her hubby had nearly a million dollars in savings and she would get half if he left. Not many people can claim they have that kind of accessible cash in a savings account.