Moms, could you support you and your kids on your salary alone?

[Anonymous]

I am a single mom with one child. Most of my friends are married and live fairly well (vacations, nice large homes in nice areas, cars, money for clothes, etc). I pretty much just make it by every month but that's fine with me. I am in the "less is more" camp anyway. So my girlfriends and I got together for a girl's night out (which hardly ever happens) and we talked about lifestyles, etc. They were all very curious about how I get by "all alone." I don't know if my friends are naive or what but none of them ever thinks life will ever be different than what it currently is. Their husbands will never die or they will never split up. They all work but their husbands really support them. So, my question is for married moms out there- If you had to be a single mom, could you support you and your kids on your salary alone? Let's pretend there is no child support or alimony or anything. It is all on you. And if you could pay for everything (rent, mortgage, child care, camp, health/car/life/homeowners insurance, utilities, food, car, etc), how would your lifestyle change from what it currently is as a married couple?

[Anonymous]

I definitely could, but not living where I do now or leading the lifestyle I currently do, e.g., I definitely would not be able to afford my current neighborhood/house on my own salary and pay for kids' childcare.

However, if I did not have my husband I could still live a very nice life--albeit making different choices--e.g., cleaning myself, not shopping solely at whole foods, etc. I am not too extravagant--don't wear or buy expensive clothes. my boys wear primarily nice hand me-downs from my sister's boys.

We have planned through excellent insurance--disability and life--to carry on in the same manner if he were to go. I do make a 6figure salary, wah full-time--so I have incredible flexibility for the kids which would be esp. important if i were on my own.

[Anonymous]

I absolutely could support me and my three kids alone. I'd have to do what you're doing but the important thing is that we'd be together and be rich in love. For what it's worth, even on both our salaries, we're struggling. We got royally screwed over in a home renovation which in the end cost us so much we may have to take bankruptcy. We can't sell the house because the housing market is so bad. Also, two of our three kids are special needs. We don't take vacations because therapy and housing costs totally suck our money. But, at least we're happily married, our kids will be okay in the long run and we're very rich in the things that matter most. Besides, look how many single mothers there are in the country. It sounds like your friends are really in the minority, not you.

[Anonymous]

Yes, but I would have to cut back my hours since they would have only one parent, so the income would go way down.

[Anonymous]

Not at my part-time salary, but if I had to, I could switch back to full-time and then yes, I could support myself and my 3 kids. We'd be on a tighter budget, but we could definitely stay in our home and keep up most of our current lifestyle. I'm sure there are things we would have to cut back or cut out, like dining out and vacations, but we'd be ok. Like a PP, we also have a LOT of life & disability insurance. My husband makes much more than I do, and if something happened to him, we have enough insurance to pay off the house and maintain our current lifestyle with me still working only part-time.

[Anonymous]

OP again. The reason we were on this topic of conversation was that another one of our girlfriends (who wasn't at dinner) had a situation like I described. Her husband up and left her and their 2 kids and actually just disappeared. Nobody knows where he is. So she doesn't get any child support but b/c he isn't dead, she doesn't get any life insurance. Our friends somehow think that what they earn alone will keep them in their current lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I would probably have to move to a cheaper house if I wanted to keep the kids in private school, but that would be the only change. I was close to divorcing my husband a year or so ago, so I did the calculations. I outearn him by quite a bit.

[Anonymous]

Good question, OP! My case: Living here we definitely rely on both incomes. If he were suddenly out of the picture (i.e. just disappeared), I'm not sure what I would do. Other PPs mentioned life insurance- with life insurance, yes, I could maintain everything the same with my salary, but I'm assuming you are asking this assuming life insurance isn't an option.

I would have to sell the house if the kids were still in full time day care, because I couldn't afford both (well, that would eat up my whole salary pretty much!). If the kids were school age I could swing the cost of our mortgage with before/after care, though.

In my line of work I can telecommute, so my first thought would be to move somewhere where housing prices are less. BUT, my parents are here who help out a lot with my kids, and my kids (and I) would miss them terribly if we moved far away.

Hmmm, let's hope I never have to face this decision. At least until the kids are out of day care, LOL!

[Anonymous]

No, that's why I'm about to go back to school because I realized my field is too low-paying for my comfort level now that I have children.

[Anonymous]

Yes. We'd have less, but we'd manage fine. Probably would move to a smaller house.

[Anonymous]

Yup. I could support myself and child. I would sell the second car, but other than that, not much would change.

[Anonymous]

I'd have to go from part-time (32 hours a week) to full-time and sell our house. And definitely give up some traveling, eating out, etc. It wouldn't be easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, that's why I'm about to go back to school because I realized my field is too low-paying for my comfort level now that I have children.

I'm in the same position and am planning on heading back to school part-time once my daughter is out of full time childcare. I do worry about how I would manage without my husband's salary.

[Anonymous]

Since my husband lost his job, I am supporting him and DC on my salary alone. I agree that it means less extravagant holidays, dinners out, etc., but we're OK with eating at home and not buying tons of stuff we don't need, and we like visiting family for vacations. We never did anything crazy before he lost his job so we haven't had any major lifestyle changes.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it would be tough, but yes. I could bump my hours back up to five days (currently at four) and hopefully my company would give me flexibility in other ways so I would still have time with my child.

This would not be occurring in a vacuum of course - we do have life insurance, and we do have my parents and his parents who would help. But in terms of could I support my child if something happened, yes. We couldn't live in our current home though, unless my parents moved in and helped with the mortgage. But we could afford a decent apartment in a safe area fairly close in.