Moms, could you support you and your kids on your salary alone?

[Anonymous]

Only if my DH dies and I get the insurance money.

Kidding. I could do but it would probably be tight. It also would depend on how much child support I was getting.

[Anonymous]

The OP said what if there was no child support? Could you do it and what would change?

[Anonymous]

Yes.

[Anonymous]

No, if my husband up and disappeared, I could not afford to pay the mortgage and child care and living expenses all on my salary.

My husband couldn't, either, if I up and disappeared.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Financially our lifestyle would be the same as what it is now, because I work part-time. If something happened to DH, or we divorced, then I would go back to FT work (my workplace would love this) and my household income would be the same as what our two-income household pulls in now.

Obviously our lives would change dramatically, but financially speaking, we would be fine.

[Anonymous]

I couldn't do it with 3 kids in daycare. I'd have to move out to West Virginia just to afford housing and daycare, but then I'd never see my kids with a commute like that.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I could stay in our current home, but could not and would not want to maintain the huge yard, so I'd move to a townhouse. I'd also have to ditch the nanny and many of our luxuries. My mom was a SAH and my dad had a nervous breakdown and ditched the family, so we were instantly thrown into a horrible situation of my mom having no earning potential and life got HARD, I learned right there that I'd never put my kids in that situation.

[Anonymous]

MoCo did a study last year that says a single woman with 2 kids (one in elem and one in day care) would need to make $65,000 at the minimum to meet a minimal standard of living (shelter, day care costs, food, etc.). I can't remember if that even includes a car or not.

That was pretty eye opening to me. But yes, I could support my one son. I would keep him in his (low-cost) private, and get a much smaller house or apartment. My standard of living would drop dramatically.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely, with little change in lifestyle. My income is over 250k, more than twice that of DH...

[Anonymous]

yes, i would live pretty much the same lifestyle (minus the second car) and probably the same neighborhood, but I would opt for a smaller place or an condo/apartment just for safety's sake. we both work full-time (i have a flex schedule), but are careful about finances and live entirely within our means and pay off our credit card bills every single month. While he has the bigger income, we don't rely on my husband's job to support us - before we bought our current house, we sat down and really thought it through - what would happen if he went from his job at a high-paying law form to the low-paying government - and decided to base our lifetsyle and choices on my highest expected income. I think a lot of people around here live well beyond their means...

[Anonymous]

DH makes half our income, and we aren't a high earning family so it irks me when people make the "living beyond means" comments. We are very responsible and live within our means, but I don't think there should be an implication that life shouldn't change if someone disappeared. It is unrealistic to think that every two income family could simply save one income and live off the other. Most folks work because they have to. I love my job and am very happy but I need the paycheck.

It would be incredibly rare for DH to just up and leave his kids - I'm not saying divorce is impossible but the whole nervous breakdown, disappearing, etc. is rare. First of all it is incredibly hard to disappear in this day and age - likely someone would track a deadbeat dad down.

We are not going to plan our lives around a very remote possibility. We've planned for death. We could deal with divorce. But we aren't going to live on 70K a year when we can live on more than that just because something might happen.

That said, we save every month, contribute to retirement and college, have some good investments, eat in, don't vacation unless it's going to the family beach house for free, have one fully paid off car, and no debt. We have a 30 year mortgage and were able to put just over 20% down, which a lot of folks didn't do. We have great work experience, educations, contacts, etc. You can only do so much. Yes, I could support my child on my income but yes, our lifestyle would change. We would probably sell the house and move. But we wouldn't be screwed by any means.

[Anonymous]

Yes I could and I make more than DH. Our lifestyle would have to change. I could not cover out mortgage without him long term but could get by until we sold the house. I would have to move closer to work. We split our schedules so the hour commute each way doesn't mean longer childcare. We would need to move into a condo or maybe a townhouse. I couldn't imagine doing the upkeep on a house and big yard along with being the sole income and only one taking care of the kids.

[Anonymous]

I could support our two kids alone, but only because I bought our 2-bedroom apt in DC in 2000 and the mortgage is very low. But I'd have to pray that the kids got into good charter schools, cause I couldn't afford the privates. For me, money is only part of the issue of having a spouse out of the picture; the other is flexibility. My job is not very flexible, but my husband's is, which means that he's often the one doing drop off, etc.

[Anonymous]

I can think of 2 people (one a friend and one an acquaintance) whose hubbies up and left them. One left and lived off his girlfriend so he didn't pay any child support for years and the other paid child support but was always behind. The first guy was one of those super nice guys who you would've never thought would have an affair and leave his family. Never say never. The year before my own dad left my mom, my brother and I, he won Best Father award from our local community association. He was the guy who helped the neighbors, coached soccer, etc. He met another woman at work and decided to leave us and move to the West Coast where he started a new family. My mom was a SAHM and had to borrow tons of money from her parents. She sold the house, went to nursing school and eventually things got better. But these things do happen.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I have been doing it for years (supporting the family on my income alone). If I were a single mom, though, I would probably downsize to a smaller, more affordable place, like a condo, and reduce my working hours a bit. It would be hard for me on my own to do both school drop-off and pick-up from aftercare on my current schedule. Currently, DH picks the kid up from school.