Tell me I am Wrong: Woman secure resources and financial stability through marriage

[Anonymous]

Well. DH and I married when my salary was $40K and his was $60K. Mine has increased 10x since then; his has also increased substantially but I now out-earn him slightly. Marrying him, though, gave me huge advantages in advancing my own earning potential: he cares for the kids while I travel so I don't need a live-in nanny (we do have daytime childcare), he's a great life partner, he's a sounding board for major decisions at work like whether to go for a promotion or not, he shares evening tasks so we can each work late half the time. And, I love spending time with him. It makes me happy to come home to him every night.

Could I have gotten this far if I hadn't married AND hadn't had kids? Maybe. Maybe not. I know my life is a million times better now than it would have been in that case, though.

[Anonymous]

For me this is true, as it is for my social circle. Mostly high earning husbands with SAHMs. Educated SAHMs that had good careers, but I can’t think of any of them that would have out earned what their husbands make. My friend’s that continued to work do so because they love their job and have not just a lot of money to throw at childcare and such but at least one set of grandparents near that can cover for any reason if needed. Isn’t it the goal of everyone to marry someone that will enhance your life in some way? For some people (a lot of people) that is part financial.

[Anonymous]

I know three families whose sons were minimally functional, in at least one case some kind of mental health issue (possibly ASD) and they managed to marry very well off women. No joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since the dawn of time women have used marriage to improve their prospects. Even now, it is relatively rare to find a couple where the wife is the higher earner. 95% of women significantly improve their wealth and lifestyle through marriage to a higher status/wealthier man.

Among all of my friends who married, none of them lived nicer lives than they did after marriage. Their husbands are all well to do.

Let's start with historically. Yes, women generally needed to rely on a man since they couldn't make a living on their own, couldn't own property, have bank accounts, etc. Marriages were often used to unify two different families.

That is kind of irrelevant. These days, both sexes are better off financially if they marry. But, married men are happier than unmarried, and the opposite is true for women (apparently).

Husband out earns me slightly now, but took a long time in education so I started investing first. Wealth from my earnings would be more than his, if we divided things. It's a mutually beneficial relationship, financially and other ways. You can also diversify risk (two jobs) and specialize (someone focus on home, someone focuses on earning)

[Anonymous]

Meh. My DH might make more money than I do, but my TSP is catching up to his 401K, we get the insurance through me, when I retire as a fed I will make through my pension and social security probably more than his SS, and I will carry the fed health insurance into retirement.

Meanwhile my best friend from childhood has always made more money than her DH. She is higher up in her career than he is too.

[Anonymous]

Not smart women.

[Anonymous]

Don't let the OP talk to my wife. She really swung and missed with me. I've never made bank and we utterly depend on the fact that her job has health insurance.

[Anonymous]

OP, your premise is correct for many if not most women.

For me personally, since my parents supported me and got me educated, the financial reason was not paramount. I was already educated and earning well, so marriage was only for creating a family with a good loving partner. That was frankly, an enormous risk for me because I was prepared to be a single mom if the right guy did not come along. Marriage was a HUGE LEAP OF FAITH for me. And thankfully my dreams of a wonderful husband, great kids and a happy marriage came true. In the end, I also benefited that my DH became a good earner, so that I could stay home with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your premise is correct for many if not most women.

For me personally, since my parents supported me and got me educated, the financial reason was not paramount. I was already educated and earning well, so marriage was only for creating a family with a good loving partner. That was frankly, an enormous risk for me because I was prepared to be a single mom if the right guy did not come along. Marriage was a HUGE LEAP OF FAITH for me. And thankfully my dreams of a wonderful husband, great kids and a happy marriage came true. In the end, I also benefited that my DH became a good earner, so that I could stay home with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, and... What's wrong with that? A man should be willing to take care of his wife and children.

[Anonymous]

Normally true, but I’m 34 and landed a 125k bonus last year. The 125k helped start my husbands company, and I have out earned him before that. We aren’t high earners though

[Anonymous]

I don’t think this is true among me / my group of friends (mid 40s female). Among those who married men, one had a high-earning job but did eventually become stay at home and one married a much wealthier man but kept working. The rest of us match or out earn our partners, I would guess. My husband makes more than I do now, but I came into the marriage with a large stock portfolio and worked for 10 years while he earned his phD. I spent about 10 months total on unpaid maternity leave, but he’s had gaps between jobs too. I think it would take us both working about 20 more years at the current difference in our salaries before his financial contributions exceeded mine because of those first 10 years and the dividends from my investments.

[Anonymous]

Men do this too. My father married my mother for access to a career and financial stability. Their marriage has been very sad, full of resentment that has built up. He has become a misogynist after decades of living like this. He did get to retire at 57 and was paid well above market rate during his career and promoted beyond his qualifications, so in that way it worked out for him. It’s definitely not typical and he tries to cover it up, which just makes him seem more pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m actually thinking women have no incentive to get married if they make their own money : who wants to work all day and come home to still take care of the family.

They can marry someone who is an equal partner. Those men do exist.

Not once kids come into the picture. No matter how 'equal' your husband professes to be you'll be doing 80-90% of the emotional, mental, and yes - physical - labor.

The studies on this support this statement.

[Anonymous]

Some women do. In our case, it was my husband who secured higher resources. I have a higher paying career plus family money.