Tell me I am Wrong: Woman secure resources and financial stability through marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since the dawn of time women have used marriage to improve their prospects. Even now, it is relatively rare to find a couple where the wife is the higher earner. 95% of women significantly improve their wealth and lifestyle through marriage to a higher status/wealthier man.

Among all of my friends who married, none of them lived nicer lives than they did after marriage. Their husbands are all well to do.

I disagree with your premise; I'm the woman, and a higher earner, and the same is the case for many of my friends (lots of us have PhDs). However, we mostly do live nicer lived now...because we got married in our early 20s and 30s while making $20-30k a year as grad students, and even going from a room in a shared house to a 1-2 bedroom apartment with a spouse was an upgrade. Part of this ia just time of life.

[Anonymous]

My H and I have similar salaries but he comes from $$$$, which we used for housing, children's' education, vacations etc. In my case, marriage upgraded my lifestyle but I can easily provide financial stability and resources for myself and the kids from my salary alone. People like Armie Hammer's wife are in a bad situation IMO. Her husband is broke, so she can't get an spousal suport and all the $ are tied in the trust, to benefit him and the children.

[Anonymous]

The OP’s premise is wrong.

Among heterosexual couples, 38% of women earned more than their men. It’s a significant fraction.

https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/how-many-women-earn-more-than-their-husbands/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was going to say the same thing as PP. Female breadwinners are becoming the norm in educated circles. I believe this has mixed implications.

Some of this in s because of diversity and inclusion initiatives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since the dawn of time women have used marriage to improve their prospects. Even now, it is relatively rare to find a couple where the wife is the higher earner. 95% of women significantly improve their wealth and lifestyle through marriage to a higher status/wealthier man.

Among all of my friends who married, none of them lived nicer lives than they did after marriage. Their husbands are all well to do.

Yes, what's the point? I have a friend who married into a family who's worth $50 million. They're in real estate and own so many properties in the DC area it's crazy. She was living off a $50k salary 12 years ago. Now, she's a SAHM with one kid in a $1.7m house. Her husband makes $400k a year. They have two weekend homes and both drive $50k SUVs.

Lucky her

Only $1.7M?

So she’s lives in Arlington ?

My house in Arlington cost more than that. And we have more than one home and no inheritances, nobody came from $.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since the dawn of time women have used marriage to improve their prospects. Even now, it is relatively rare to find a couple where the wife is the higher earner. 95% of women significantly improve their wealth and lifestyle through marriage to a higher status/wealthier man.

Among all of my friends who married, none of them lived nicer lives than they did after marriage. Their husbands are all well to do.

Yes, what's the point? I have a friend who married into a family who's worth $50 million. They're in real estate and own so many properties in the DC area it's crazy. She was living off a $50k salary 12 years ago. Now, she's a SAHM with one kid in a $1.7m house. Her husband makes $400k a year. They have two weekend homes and both drive $50k SUVs.

Lucky her

Yup, big house, luxury SUVs. What more in life could a person want.

[Anonymous]

^ many of us in Arlington are dual income both making that SAHM’s salary or more. So double what her friend married into.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ many of us in Arlington are dual income both making that SAHM’s salary or more. So double what her friend married into.

^SAHM’s husband’s salary. So many dual law firm partners, lobbyists and surgeons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The OP’s premise is wrong.

Among heterosexual couples, 38% of women earned more than their men. It’s a significant fraction.

https://fivethirtyeight.com/features/how-many-women-earn-more-than-their-husbands/

What about the other 60%?

[Anonymous]

You have to look at subgroups in the data. Among the most elite professionals, many of those men have stay at home wives. A little over 10% of HIGHLY EDUCATED mothers stay at home.

Women who reach the higher ranks in the professions almost always have a spouse who also works.

So there is a subset within the elite WHITE professional class that follows the patriarchal model.

It sucks as a professional woman to compete with men who have the unpaid labor at home smoothing the way for them.

[Anonymous]

DH and I, both actually became wealthier after we married. Of course, first we became poorer because we left our parental homes . Then we both worked, got more credentials and built assets. Once we had babies, I stayed home to raise them.

My DH and I, we both wanted a successful family, happy kids, successful marriage, strong support systems from extended family, social network and good financial health. Without marriage neither would have been able to get everything as smoothly as we did.

[Anonymous]

Since the dawn of time?

Not only is this not true now, I don’t think it’s ever been true for any but a small fraction of women in any historical time period.

Women use marriage to secure companionship, to have children, and pool labor/resources.
There may be a small percentage of women who use it to increase their social status, and there may be a small fraction of men who use it to secure free sex and housekeeping, but I don’t think it applies to nearly as many people as you seem to believe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m actually thinking women have no incentive to get married if they make their own money : who wants to work all day and come home to still take care of the family.

They can marry someone who is an equal partner. Those men do exist.

I divorced with a very good salary. Had zero financial need for a partner. But I met a lovely man who is seriously the best sidekick I could imagine. He makes half what I do, but I’d argue that his job is far more important and that he works harder. The great partners are quite rare, but they can be found. I lucked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's true that I benefit from DH's six figure salary. Same as he benefits from my six figure salary and eventually my pension and federal gov't healthcare.

+100

We are a team.

Two high incomes opened up a world of possibilities and the gains compounded over time.

Very well-off now 25-years in and both still work even though we don’t need 2 salaries.

Early retirement will be grand.

This; both spouses have good job. And the jobs have different pluses and minuses. One is stable and has incredible benefits. The other has much higher earning potential. We can survive off either; but live VERY well off both (well, since we stopped paying for a nanny - which ate an entire salary).

[Anonymous]

Oh please. Women had to marry for money because we weren't allowed to work, or get a credit card or mortgage, and the jobs we could get paid sh!t.

The answer isn't to get married, it's equality.