Changed relationship after grandma’s estate plans changed?
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Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
That’s unfortunate. What is the thing she promised your daughter? Who is getting it instead? |
Anonymous
| eh, I'm set from my own successes. I don't need anyone else's money or estate pieces and I don't care what so ever what any family member leaves me or doesn't leave me. I don't understand why anyone else care about this. |
Anonymous
Because they tie love to what the expectations of what the other person can do for them. Look at all the posts about being disgruntled family won’t babysit, travel repeatedly to see them, or make great sacrifice in order to make their lives easier. |
Anonymous
Exactly what I was thinking. If she's as sharp as OP says, she may be testing their loyalty and priorities. Or, she planned to manage her estate, but now finds it to be an overwhelming process. OP, did you discuss it with her? Ask if she needed help since it can be a daunting task? You have nothing to lose (literally) by lending an ear, offering help not just for inheritance, but house responsibilities, healthcare etc. She may not feel as motivated or sharp as she appears, and could be experiencing mild memory loss or depression. Be kind. |
Anonymous
Both OP and her sister failed this test. Imagine thinking "we let her hold our babies and come to family events, now she's playing games with my money?" is a sympathetic position to take. Good grief. |
Anonymous
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How wealthy is your grandmother? Odds are, its one of the following, or a combination:
1. It was all idle talk. She doesn't really have assets to speak of, and her money is mainly from a pension that dies with her. 2. She never actually made a will. When she inquired with an attorney and figured out the cost, she decided to let it go intestate. 3. Her investments made a downturn, or she is facing unexpected expenses and cannot commit to leaving anyone an inheritance, but is too embarrassed to say anything. 4. She met with an attorney, but was too overwhelmed by all the intake forms/questions, and decided going intestate was just easier on her. 5. One of her children, or another family member needs money now for a reason she believes is good enough, and now won't be able to commit to an inheritance. Whenever someone says they are doing something out of the ordinary with their money--and I would include doing anything other than dividing it equally amongst immediate heirs is out o the ordinary--take it with a grain of salt. Giving you and yours the entirety of the pie would be a great gift to you, but you have to remember--assuming the money exists, she'd be disinheriting others. That's harder to do when you are actually faced with it. |
Anonymous
| Someone has gotten to your grandmother, OP., and the likely person is whomever would profit from the change. Don’t ignore the situation. Your grandmother is acting out of character and the elderly are vunerable to pressure from those closest to them. It could be a relative, caregiver or professional (lawyer, accountant, physician). My great aunt was fleeced by her longtime trusted lawyer. He had her sign over most of her assets to him. It took years of litigation to get reversed by her heirs and made the local paper. |
Anonymous
I don't expect anything out of the blue either. But I can try to explain why some people care about this. Keep in mind, nobody here is going to be offended if grandma needs to sell her jewelry to pay the rent. Frankly I can think of a lot of totally understandable reasons why someone would need to change their will. However, when an older loved one tells you they're leaving you something, that is meaningful. It feels good to be thought of so highly that you will receive a cherished object. Or that you're important enough to be the beneficiary of your grandma's lifetime of hard work. It hurts to be told you're not worth it anymore. |
Anonymous
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This is one of the most bone-chilling threads I have ever read.
I can't imagine cutting off my grandmother b/c she changed her will. Yikes. |
Anonymous
| Does she at least want to legally set up a way to donate it or she wants to get taxed to the hilt and give state government more if her after tax money?? |
Anonymous
Very true. One uncle of 6 tricked his elderly parents into gifting him the lake house, farm land and pay for his kids grad school while they were alive. And he didn’t even go to the eventual funeral and his grown kids don’t talk to him, and he’s in his fourth marriage. |
Anonymous
There is a difference between a grandparent who dies with nothing and one who actively chooses to disinherit. I wouldn’t ever cut off or abandon the former, but the latter made a choice to not care about family |
Anonymous
Because you only care about money. We get it. You are not owed anyone’s wealth. |
Anonymous
| There is something going on with grandma. You two should visit her. No doubt alone, dementia, and feeling neglected, compounded by the pandemic. |