s/o this brutal admissions year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid was admitted to:

UCLA
Washington & Lee
UVA
William and Mary
Miami University
American University
Christopher Newport University

Rejected from:

UC Berkeley
NYU (today)

She is extremely bitter because I won’t co-sign six figures of parent plus loans to attend UCLA. You cannot convince me it’s $120,000 better than UVA or W&M. In fact, W&M is more highly rated for undergraduate teaching (#4 in country, tied with Princeton and behind Brown, Elon and Georgia Tech, of all places).

She hears from Duke tomorrow and Brown next week. I am anticipating rejections from both.

I have tried to explain to her that her success rate is incredible and a lot of kids with better stats aren’t even getting into some places she has. But it doesn’t matter. She is fixated on selectivity percentages rather than finding a school that will be the right fit. Says she will be “miserable” going to school in Virginia. I said misery is making payments on six figures of college debt for 20-25 years.

Serenity now. Or at least better drugs...

My neighbor is going through this exact same scenario. He is not paying for UCLA and didn’t even know his DC applied! DC is very upset. Oh well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid was admitted to:

UCLA
Washington & Lee
UVA
William and Mary
Miami University
American University
Christopher Newport University

Rejected from:

UC Berkeley
NYU (today)

She is extremely bitter because I won’t co-sign six figures of parent plus loans to attend UCLA. You cannot convince me it’s $120,000 better than UVA or W&M. In fact, W&M is more highly rated for undergraduate teaching (#4 in country, tied with Princeton and behind Brown, Elon and Georgia Tech, of all places).

She hears from Duke tomorrow and Brown next week. I am anticipating rejections from both.

I have tried to explain to her that her success rate is incredible and a lot of kids with better stats aren’t even getting into some places she has. But it doesn’t matter. She is fixated on selectivity percentages rather than finding a school that will be the right fit. Says she will be “miserable” going to school in Virginia. I said misery is making payments on six figures of college debt for 20-25 years.

Serenity now. Or at least better drugs...

Lol, I like you. You are right, I'm a UCLA grad and it is not worth the extra money, Westwood is pretty cool though....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid was admitted to:

UCLA
Washington & Lee
UVA
William and Mary
Miami University
American University
Christopher Newport University

Rejected from:

UC Berkeley
NYU (today)

She is extremely bitter because I won’t co-sign six figures of parent plus loans to attend UCLA. You cannot convince me it’s $120,000 better than UVA or W&M. In fact, W&M is more highly rated for undergraduate teaching (#4 in country, tied with Princeton and behind Brown, Elon and Georgia Tech, of all places).

She hears from Duke tomorrow and Brown next week. I am anticipating rejections from both.

I have tried to explain to her that her success rate is incredible and a lot of kids with better stats aren’t even getting into some places she has. But it doesn’t matter. She is fixated on selectivity percentages rather than finding a school that will be the right fit. Says she will be “miserable” going to school in Virginia. I said misery is making payments on six figures of college debt for 20-25 years.

Serenity now. Or at least better drugs...

Lol, I like you. You are right, I'm a UCLA grad and it is not worth the extra money, Westwood is pretty cool though....

I told her if she really wanted to take a crack at screenwriting, I would subsidize her for a year in LA after she gets her degree. A lot cheaper than paying through the nose for OOS tuition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, do we really want our kids to absorb the message that the purpose of life is to work as hard as possible and get into the best college possible? That is joyless and not the life I want my kids to have. They can have a good life without conducting original scientific research at 16 or being the "best" or "top."

This.
The problem is not kids doing the work.
The problem is setting expectation so that they think their life is over if they don't get into the "top" school (however you define it).
The problem is overprepping for SATs and making your kids take them again if they got a really good score but not a "great" score.
The problem is pushing kids into activities they don't want to do "for college applications" and leaving them no time to pursue their own hobbies or interests
The problem is telling them that a B is not good enough, even if it is the best they can do in a particular class.
The problem is pushing our kids to become the person we think they should be (grades, college, career, etc) instead of letting them make their own choices and own them.

It has been more than 10 years since "Race to Nowhere" came out, but things have not changed much if we are still having the same conversations.

This. 100% this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid was admitted to:

UCLA
Washington & Lee
UVA
William and Mary
Miami University
American University
Christopher Newport University

Rejected from:

UC Berkeley
NYU (today)

She is extremely bitter because I won’t co-sign six figures of parent plus loans to attend UCLA. You cannot convince me it’s $120,000 better than UVA or W&M. In fact, W&M is more highlyThe rated for undergraduate teaching (#4 in country, tied with Princeton and behind Brown, Elon and Georgia Tech, of all places).

She hears from Duke tomorrow and Brown next week. I am anticipating rejections from both.

I have tried to explain to her that her success rate is incredible and a lot of kids with better stats aren’t even getting into some places she has. But it doesn’t matter. She is fixated on selectivity percentages rather than finding a school that will be the right fit. Says she will be “miserable” going to school in Virginia. I said misery is making payments on six figures of college debt for 20-25 years.

Serenity now. Or at least better drugs...

My neighbor is going through this exact same scenario. He is not paying for UCLA and didn’t even know his DC applied! DC is very upset. Oh well.

No UC is with $120,000. Your kid should take UVA over UCLA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are looking at this from a purely financial perspective. My kid is getting pushed to get the best GPA and test scores solely because we can't afford private colleges without a lot of merit aid, and there aren't a lot of public colleges in-state that my kid is interested in attending.

The pressure is much worse this year, and I feel really badly about it, but that's the way it is. My kid would be perfectly happy at a SLAC ranked 50-80, but we can't afford any SLAC because of the price tag.

DD has been doing a lot of test prep and feels very stressed about her grades. I am not happy with this situation, but I don't see any alternative. DD doesn't want to go to CC, but if she doesn't get into our in-state options, that's where she's going without a LOT of merit aid from private SLACS.

You and most smart families with few assets. On DCUM, you’re in the minority. They’re stinking rich here, for the most part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid was admitted to:

UCLA
Washington & Lee
UVA
William and Mary
Miami University
American University
Christopher Newport University

Rejected from:

UC Berkeley
NYU (today)

She is extremely bitter because I won’t co-sign six figures of parent plus loans to attend UCLA. You cannot convince me it’s $120,000 better than UVA or W&M. In fact, W&M is more highly rated for undergraduate teaching (#4 in country, tied with Princeton and behind Brown, Elon and Georgia Tech, of all places).

She hears from Duke tomorrow and Brown next week. I am anticipating rejections from both.

I have tried to explain to her that her success rate is incredible and a lot of kids with better stats aren’t even getting into some places she has. But it doesn’t matter. She is fixated on selectivity percentages rather than finding a school that will be the right fit. Says she will be “miserable” going to school in Virginia. I said misery is making payments on six figures of college debt for 20-25 years.

Serenity now. Or at least better drugs...

Lol, I like you. You are right, I'm a UCLA grad and it is not worth the extra money, Westwood is pretty cool though....

I told her if she really wanted to take a crack at screenwriting, I would subsidize her for a year in LA after she gets her degree. A lot cheaper than paying through the nose for OOS tuition.

True, and honestly she will still wind up grinding in retail somewhere in SanMo or West LA. UVA and W & M are good choices, our kids will probably cross paths.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, do we really want our kids to absorb the message that the purpose of life is to work as hard as possible and get into the best college possible? That is joyless and not the life I want my kids to have. They can have a good life without conducting original scientific research at 16 or being the "best" or "top."

This.
The problem is not kids doing the work.
The problem is setting expectation so that they think their life is over if they don't get into the "top" school (however you define it).
The problem is overprepping for SATs and making your kids take them again if they got a really good score but not a "great" score.
The problem is pushing kids into activities they don't want to do "for college applications" and leaving them no time to pursue their own hobbies or interests
The problem is telling them that a B is not good enough, even if it is the best they can do in a particular class.
The problem is pushing our kids to become the person we think they should be (grades, college, career, etc) instead of letting them make their own choices and own them.

It has been more than 10 years since "Race to Nowhere" came out, but things have not changed much if we are still having the same conversations.

This. 100% this!

It’s because more people are competing for fewer economic opportunities.

We live in an economic system that is increasingly winner takes all. And I say this as someone who is pretty close to the top (can easily pay full freight for 3 kids) but still far from being able to opt out of the rat race completely (can’t buy our kids’ way into Harvard or give them 5M + trust funds).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids have never understood that the purpose of hard work is to get into a T30 school. It's for their own edification and opportunities, regardless of where they go to college (or work, or whatever).

LOL. Sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid was admitted to:

UCLA
Washington & Lee
UVA
William and Mary
Miami University
American University
Christopher Newport University

Rejected from:

UC Berkeley
NYU (today)

She is extremely bitter because I won’t co-sign six figures of parent plus loans to attend UCLA. You cannot convince me it’s $120,000 better than UVA or W&M. In fact, W&M is more highlyThe rated for undergraduate teaching (#4 in country, tied with Princeton and behind Brown, Elon and Georgia Tech, of all places).

She hears from Duke tomorrow and Brown next week. I am anticipating rejections from both.

I have tried to explain to her that her success rate is incredible and a lot of kids with better stats aren’t even getting into some places she has. But it doesn’t matter. She is fixated on selectivity percentages rather than finding a school that will be the right fit. Says she will be “miserable” going to school in Virginia. I said misery is making payments on six figures of college debt for 20-25 years.

Serenity now. Or at least better drugs...

My neighbor is going through this exact same scenario. He is not paying for UCLA and didn’t even know his DC applied! DC is very upset. Oh well.

No UC is with $120,000. Your kid should take UVA over UCLA.

Pp here. $120k is the DIFFERENTIAL. OOS and room and board to UCLA is closer to $225k

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid was admitted to:

UCLA
Washington & Lee
UVA
William and Mary
Miami University
American University
Christopher Newport University

Rejected from:

UC Berkeley
NYU (today)

She is extremely bitter because I won’t co-sign six figures of parent plus loans to attend UCLA. You cannot convince me it’s $120,000 better than UVA or W&M. In fact, W&M is more highlyThe rated for undergraduate teaching (#4 in country, tied with Princeton and behind Brown, Elon and Georgia Tech, of all places).

She hears from Duke tomorrow and Brown next week. I am anticipating rejections from both.

I have tried to explain to her that her success rate is incredible and a lot of kids with better stats aren’t even getting into some places she has. But it doesn’t matter. She is fixated on selectivity percentages rather than finding a school that will be the right fit. Says she will be “miserable” going to school in Virginia. I said misery is making payments on six figures of college debt for 20-25 years.

Serenity now. Or at least better drugs...

My neighbor is going through this exact same scenario. He is not paying for UCLA and didn’t even know his DC applied! DC is very upset. Oh well.

No UC is with $120,000. Your kid should take UVA over UCLA.

Pp here. $120k is the DIFFERENTIAL. OOS and room and board to UCLA is closer to $225k

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid was admitted to:

UCLA
Washington & Lee
UVA
William and Mary
Miami University
American University
Christopher Newport University

Rejected from:

UC Berkeley
NYU (today)

She is extremely bitter because I won’t co-sign six figures of parent plus loans to attend UCLA. You cannot convince me it’s $120,000 better than UVA or W&M. In fact, W&M is more highly rated for undergraduate teaching (#4 in country, tied with Princeton and behind Brown, Elon and Georgia Tech, of all places).

She hears from Duke tomorrow and Brown next week. I am anticipating rejections from both.

I have tried to explain to her that her success rate is incredible and a lot of kids with better stats aren’t even getting into some places she has. But it doesn’t matter. She is fixated on selectivity percentages rather than finding a school that will be the right fit. Says she will be “miserable” going to school in Virginia. I said misery is making payments on six figures of college debt for 20-25 years.

Serenity now. Or at least better drugs...

This is on you. If you weren't willing to co-sign that's fine -- I agree with you -- but you should have made that clear to her before she even applied.

[Anonymous]

I thought Duke comes out Monday, no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid was admitted to:

UCLA
Washington & Lee
UVA
William and Mary
Miami University
American University
Christopher Newport University

Rejected from:

UC Berkeley
NYU (today)

She is extremely bitter because I won’t co-sign six figures of parent plus loans to attend UCLA. You cannot convince me it’s $120,000 better than UVA or W&M. In fact, W&M is more highly rated for undergraduate teaching (#4 in country, tied with Princeton and behind Brown, Elon and Georgia Tech, of all places).

She hears from Duke tomorrow and Brown next week. I am anticipating rejections from both.

I have tried to explain to her that her success rate is incredible and a lot of kids with better stats aren’t even getting into some places she has. But it doesn’t matter. She is fixated on selectivity percentages rather than finding a school that will be the right fit. Says she will be “miserable” going to school in Virginia. I said misery is making payments on six figures of college debt for 20-25 years.

Serenity now. Or at least better drugs...

This is on you. If you weren't willing to co-sign that's fine -- I agree with you -- but you should have made that clear to her before she even applied.

GTFO. You never know if you're going to get a better aid package.

Why are you always "calling people out" because they wouldn't do exactly what you would? You don't seem like the sharpest tool in the box, anyhow. There are lots of reasons to make lots of different decisions. And yes, sometimes the outcomes are not perfect, but that is life. The point is not to never face any kind of difficulty. Sometimes, it's good to reach for things, see where they land, and make the best decision. It can be a growing and learning experience. It doesn't have to be... oh you handled this all wrong, you're the worst parent, I'm the best. It does not make you look like the best. It makes you look like a fool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid was admitted to:

UCLA
Washington & Lee
UVA
William and Mary
Miami University
American University
Christopher Newport University

Rejected from:

UC Berkeley
NYU (today)

She is extremely bitter because I won’t co-sign six figures of parent plus loans to attend UCLA. You cannot convince me it’s $120,000 better than UVA or W&M. In fact, W&M is more highly rated for undergraduate teaching (#4 in country, tied with Princeton and behind Brown, Elon and Georgia Tech, of all places).

She hears from Duke tomorrow and Brown next week. I am anticipating rejections from both.

I have tried to explain to her that her success rate is incredible and a lot of kids with better stats aren’t even getting into some places she has. But it doesn’t matter. She is fixated on selectivity percentages rather than finding a school that will be the right fit. Says she will be “miserable” going to school in Virginia. I said misery is making payments on six figures of college debt for 20-25 years.

Serenity now. Or at least better drugs...

This is on you. If you weren't willing to co-sign that's fine -- I agree with you -- but you should have made that clear to her before she even applied.

GTFO. You never know if you're going to get a better aid package.

Why are you always "calling people out" because they wouldn't do exactly what you would? You don't seem like the sharpest tool in the box, anyhow. There are lots of reasons to make lots of different decisions. And yes, sometimes the outcomes are not perfect, but that is life. The point is not to never face any kind of difficulty. Sometimes, it's good to reach for things, see where they land, and make the best decision. It can be a growing and learning experience. It doesn't have to be... oh you handled this all wrong, you're the worst parent, I'm the best. It does not make you look like the best. It makes you look like a fool.

Hit a nerve huh?