Unhappy, frustrated son

[Anonymous]

It may be that your kid is either hitting that age where many leave the game for whatever reasons. Or it maybe that your kid sees he isn't as good as he used to be and thats why. To think of all the kids at the club this coach has it out for just your kids is a extreme. Unless your kid ha so much talent and the coach is angry that he isn't using it. Is it a personal vendetta with you as parents? Are you too talkative , disruptive, or coaching from sidelines? Is your kid on time and present at all trainings and pre game times?

No, and to be honest, I don't feel that the coach has a problem with me or my kid personally (since he plays him a ton). It is more an issue of his demeanor towards the team as a group. Constantly screaming, tons of cursing at the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It may be that your kid is either hitting that age where many leave the game for whatever reasons. Or it maybe that your kid sees he isn't as good as he used to be and thats why. To think of all the kids at the club this coach has it out for just your kids is a extreme. Unless your kid ha so much talent and the coach is angry that he isn't using it. Is it a personal vendetta with you as parents? Are you too talkative , disruptive, or coaching from sidelines? Is your kid on time and present at all trainings and pre game times?

No, and to be honest, I don't feel that the coach has a problem with me or my kid personally (since he plays him a ton). It is more an issue of his demeanor towards the team as a group. Constantly screaming, tons of cursing at the kids.

May I ask what the age and cultural background of the coach is?
This could shed some light on things.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure OP means club people not league. She's probably just not clear on the terms.

[Anonymous]

It may be that your kid is either hitting that age where many leave the game for whatever reasons. Or it maybe that your kid sees he isn't as good as he used to be and thats why. To think of all the kids at the club this coach has it out for just your kids is a extreme. Unless your kid ha so much talent and the coach is angry that he isn't using it. Is it a personal vendetta with you as parents? Are you too talkative , disruptive, or coaching from sidelines? Is your kid on time and present at all trainings and pre game times?


No, and to be honest, I don't feel that the coach has a problem with me or my kid personally (since he plays him a ton). It is more an issue of his demeanor towards the team as a group. Constantly screaming, tons of cursing at the kids.


May I ask what the age and cultural background of the coach is?
This could shed some light on things.

He's American, in his mid 30s.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure OP means club people not league. She's probably just not clear on the terms.

Yes, you are right(ish). I am clear on the terms but was distracted while writing, so said it incorrectly. After discussing the issue, a number of parents from the team complainted together to the club, but it had no apparent effect.

[Anonymous]

Went through this a few months ago with my U12 son. Verbally abusive coach that we had endured for too long. We ended up quitting travel soccer because this coach made my son hate soccer.
Example: coach screamed at my son in front of team immediately following a game, blaming him for the loss. MY SON DIDN'T EVEN PLAY ONE MINUTE IN THE SECOND HALF - and they were tied at half time. So how did he cause them to lose, exactly? This, to a then 10 year old. He later apologized to all the parents, but never to my son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It may be that your kid is either hitting that age where many leave the game for whatever reasons. Or it maybe that your kid sees he isn't as good as he used to be and thats why. To think of all the kids at the club this coach has it out for just your kids is a extreme. Unless your kid ha so much talent and the coach is angry that he isn't using it. Is it a personal vendetta with you as parents? Are you too talkative , disruptive, or coaching from sidelines? Is your kid on time and present at all trainings and pre game times?

No, and to be honest, I don't feel that the coach has a problem with me or my kid personally (since he plays him a ton). It is more an issue of his demeanor towards the team as a group. Constantly screaming, tons of cursing at the kids.

Cursing is incredibly beyond the pale. Were I you I would leave the team now and attempt to get your money for this season back if there is a club structure he works for. If he is not affiliated with a club you may not have success. You could look for a spring rec league for now or contact other clubs to see if anyone has room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It may be that your kid is either hitting that age where many leave the game for whatever reasons. Or it maybe that your kid sees he isn't as good as he used to be and thats why. To think of all the kids at the club this coach has it out for just your kids is a extreme. Unless your kid ha so much talent and the coach is angry that he isn't using it. Is it a personal vendetta with you as parents? Are you too talkative , disruptive, or coaching from sidelines? Is your kid on time and present at all trainings and pre game times?

No, and to be honest, I don't feel that the coach has a problem with me or my kid personally (since he plays him a ton). It is more an issue of his demeanor towards the team as a group. Constantly screaming, tons of cursing at the kids.

Cursing is incredibly beyond the pale. Were I you I would leave the team now and attempt to get your money for this season back if there is a club structure he works for. If he is not affiliated with a club you may not have success. You could look for a spring rec league for now or contact other clubs to see if anyone has room.

cursing is part of sports go join ballet if thats our breaking point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the exact abuse going on. Is it physical or strictly verbal ? Physical no question confront him. Verbally is more vague. I think many will agree the travel soccer culture tends to have more soft parent protected players than almost any other sport. Parents are more well off in general and the children dont experience as much adversity as others. Therefore the sheltered snowflake model is born. Dont get me wrong I think everyone would love to raise their children in such a safe environment. The drawback is when they are faced with strong adversity their world is destroyed.

This is total crap. Coaches don't make great players, players make great players. Listen to Pulisic's dad talk sometime. The reason his son became an elite player was his own drive to make himself a better player, practicing for hours outside alone. The best players all have this in common, they work on it on their own. Not they had some jerk coach screaming in their face that they suck when they were 10 years old.

Kids can face adversity many ways without being put down by a coach at age 10 FFS. This is EXACTLY the problem with youth sports. It is a SPORT, for 95% of them they won't play it in college, it is for FUN.

The problem is travel soccer is an insulated sport almost where kids are treated with kid gloves. Youth sports aren't like that across the board. When kids are babied all the time they grow up with thin skin. My guess is this kid has never even been in as much as a fist fight with another kid. Im sure even when he does suck and loses a game he gets the praise of a winner from mommy never learning from the loss.

Huh. Not wanting a coach to curse at or verbally abuse his 10 year old players is over protective? I don’t get that logic. I am in the category of hitting back is fine and punching a bully acceptable. And, yes my kid for better or worse had been in fist fights by age 10. BUT... nope, not keeping him on a team where a coach curses at him or others. I want him to learn to ‘punch up.’ Yes defend yourself; no do not pick on or hurt people who are for lack of a better word weaker. This coach is cursing at kids. That is weak and not something you want kids to copy. Now... if the issue was playing time, strict coaching, not getting a preferred position, not using gentle terms, etc then yes the kid should tough it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

cursing is part of sports go join ballet if thats our breaking point.

Truth. Be glad your kids play soccer and not football (American) if you are worried about your kid getting yelled at. Football coaches will make you wish you were never born just for missing a block that would have given the team 2 more yards. I find soccer parents are harder on their kids than the coaches ever are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

cursing is part of sports go join ballet if thats our breaking point.

Truth. Be glad your kids play soccer and not football (American) if you are worried about your kid getting yelled at. Football coaches will make you wish you were never born just for missing a block that would have given the team 2 more yards. I find soccer parents are harder on their kids than the coaches ever are.

Didn’t you see Black Swan? Ballet is even worse.

[Anonymous]

I’m very passionate about football/soccer. However, despite my vehement temperament I have never cursed to my players. I have to the ref and gotten expelled from the game but at least I do it in a different language and never to my players. Is this odd?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Went through this a few months ago with my U12 son. Verbally abusive coach that we had endured for too long. We ended up quitting travel soccer because this coach made my son hate soccer.
Example: coach screamed at my son in front of team immediately following a game, blaming him for the loss. MY SON DIDN'T EVEN PLAY ONE MINUTE IN THE SECOND HALF - and they were tied at half time. So how did he cause them to lose, exactly? This, to a then 10 year old. He later apologized to all the parents, but never to my son.

Your child may be on our child's team. The coach is terrible about fair playing time and I can see him doing this. There was a verbally abusive teammate and the coach just let him say things like that to the teammates and didn't even have him sit out the next game or any consequence. The parents were floored.

If the coach models poor behavior you can see it in the teammates. A few players quit for the spring and I know a few others who were considering it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Went through this a few months ago with my U12 son. Verbally abusive coach that we had endured for too long. We ended up quitting travel soccer because this coach made my son hate soccer.
Example: coach screamed at my son in front of team immediately following a game, blaming him for the loss. MY SON DIDN'T EVEN PLAY ONE MINUTE IN THE SECOND HALF - and they were tied at half time. So how did he cause them to lose, exactly? This, to a then 10 year old. He later apologized to all the parents, but never to my son.

You are contradicting yourself here. You say he plays your kid a ton. Then you say Its not your kids fault he didn't play a single minute in the 2nd half. Maybe this was isolated and your kid was disrespectful on the bench and he was angry he couldn't play him in the 2nd half as a disciplinary action.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Went through this a few months ago with my U12 son. Verbally abusive coach that we had endured for too long. We ended up quitting travel soccer because this coach made my son hate soccer.
Example: coach screamed at my son in front of team immediately following a game, blaming him for the loss. MY SON DIDN'T EVEN PLAY ONE MINUTE IN THE SECOND HALF - and they were tied at half time. So how did he cause them to lose, exactly? This, to a then 10 year old. He later apologized to all the parents, but never to my son.

You are contradicting yourself here. You say he plays your kid a ton. Then you say Its not your kids fault he didn't play a single minute in the 2nd half. Maybe this was isolated and your kid was disrespectful on the bench and he was angry he couldn't play him in the 2nd half as a disciplinary action.

This was not the OP.