S/o: Men, is chivalry dead?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not a man, I’m a woman. From my perch, no, chivalry is not dead.

The thread you’re referring to, that guy has contempt towards his spouse and it is much deeper than a display (or lack) of traditional etiquette.

True, but someone chimed in men haven’t stopped roadside for women with car trouble in decades. Wondering if that is how most feel...

My husband is in law enforcement and he stops. He recently stopped for a young driver who had a fender bender and was crying on the phone with her parents. I am proud of him for doing it and we hope if our now teenage daughter is ever stranded, a safe good Samaritan will return the favor and help her. A few years back a man stopped to help me when stranded, he was an off duty cop, (he showed me his card) and while I was waiting for a tow a woman in her car stopped to ask me, "are you ok?" I really appreciated both of them but thought what she did was particularly thoughtful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes: chivalry IS dead. Man here, raised with traditional values, used to aspire to be chivalrous. But no more. That all changed thanks to radical Feminism and #metoo and just general perception by women that any kindness means I "expect sex in return" . I treat women EXACTLY as I would some random joe.

Is this not what you wanted ladies?

If you treat Random Joe with civility and respect, then yes, that's what we want. If you're a total dick to Random Joe, then no. Be better. To everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes: chivalry IS dead. Man here, raised with traditional values, used to aspire to be chivalrous. But no more. That all changed thanks to radical Feminism and #metoo and just general perception by women that any kindness means I "expect sex in return" . I treat women EXACTLY as I would some random joe.

Is this not what you wanted ladies?

If you treat Random Joe with civility and respect, then yes, that's what we want. If you're a total dick to Random Joe, then no. Be better. To everyone.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes: chivalry IS dead. Man here, raised with traditional values, used to aspire to be chivalrous. But no more. That all changed thanks to radical Feminism and #metoo and just general perception by women that any kindness means I "expect sex in return" . I treat women EXACTLY as I would some random joe.

Is this not what you wanted ladies?

If you treat Random Joe with civility and respect, then yes, that's what we want. If you're a total dick to Random Joe, then no. Be better. To everyone.

+1

+2

[Anonymous]

Guy here ,
I will hold doors or ask if someone needs help if they look like they are struggling but that applies to any gender. If I'm somewhere without DW, I'm not going to stop at the side of the road for a woman alone nor would I approach one at night unless it looked like something was really wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. I'm a middle aged white guy and have lived here most of my life. For me, chivalry means stopping to help someone in need, holding a door open for the next person, introducing people to each other when you know them both and being a good host by paying for a meal/event if you invite people.

Chivalry also means respecting their voice when someone says they don't want your help right now. It also includes stopping (or leaving) the conversation when the group talks about someone as a sex object and sticking your neck out to report sexual harassment when it happens.

I agree. Chivalry doesn't have to just mean "treating women I consider to be ladies like delicate flowers." In the best sense, it should mean being honest, having courage and integrity, being a man of your word, fulfilling your obligations, standing up for the vulnerable, and fighting for justice.

[Anonymous]

As a black man, I've learned that my offer to help non-black women is usually not welcomed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a black man, I've learned that my offer to help non-black women is usually not welcomed.

This makes me very sad and I hope we can all learn to do better

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes: chivalry IS dead. Man here, raised with traditional values, used to aspire to be chivalrous. But no more. That all changed thanks to radical Feminism and #metoo and just general perception by women that any kindness means I "expect sex in return" . I treat women EXACTLY as I would some random joe.

Is this not what you wanted ladies?

NP.

From you? Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. I'm a middle aged white guy and have lived here most of my life. For me, chivalry means stopping to help someone in need, holding a door open for the next person, introducing people to each other when you know them both and being a good host by paying for a meal/event if you invite people.

Chivalry also means respecting their voice when someone says they don't want your help right now. It also includes stopping (or leaving) the conversation when the group talks about someone as a sex object and sticking your neck out to report sexual harassment when it happens.

I agree. Chivalry doesn't have to just mean "treating women I consider to be ladies like delicate flowers." In the best sense, it should mean being honest, having courage and integrity, being a man of your word, fulfilling your obligations, standing up for the vulnerable, and fighting for justice.

This post from both of you men really warmed my heart. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. I'm a middle aged white guy and have lived here most of my life. For me, chivalry means stopping to help someone in need, holding a door open for the next person, introducing people to each other when you know them both and being a good host by paying for a meal/event if you invite people.

Chivalry also means respecting their voice when someone says they don't want your help right now. It also includes stopping (or leaving) the conversation when the group talks about someone as a sex object and sticking your neck out to report sexual harassment when it happens.

I agree. Chivalry doesn't have to just mean "treating women I consider to be ladies like delicate flowers." In the best sense, it should mean being honest, having courage and integrity, being a man of your word, fulfilling your obligations, standing up for the vulnerable, and fighting for justice.

This post from both of you men really warmed my heart. Thank you.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a black man, I've learned that my offer to help non-black women is usually not welcomed.

Often my experience as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a black man, I've learned that my offer to help non-black women is usually not welcomed.

This makes me very sad and I hope we can all learn to do better

I'm really sorry, PP. Some of us (at least one, I guess) are grateful for and appreciative of your kindness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I will not stop on the side of the freeway to help. Good way to get #metooed.

I will open the door, or let a woman go ahead of me in line.

LOL! I respect the gravity of the me2 environment; I’ve got my own example. However, not all men are this way, and not all women think a man being friendly or courteous is a come on.

Male kindness is so alien to us, we assume it is seduction every time.

This is why if you are a man do not stop to help if you see a woman stopped on the freeway. There is a percentage of women think the man is going to rape, rob or harm them. My mom is like this. She will also give a good talking to to a man who opens a door for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I will not stop on the side of the freeway to help. Good way to get #metooed.

I will open the door, or let a woman go ahead of me in line.

LOL! I respect the gravity of the me2 environment; I’ve got my own example. However, not all men are this way, and not all women think a man being friendly or courteous is a come on.

Male kindness is so alien to us, we assume it is seduction every time.

This is why if you are a man do not stop to help if you see a woman stopped on the freeway. There is a percentage of women think the man is going to rape, rob or harm them. My mom is like this. She will also give a good talking to to a man who opens a door for her.

I love how the male response to women saying “we deal with harassment on such a frequent basis that we now expect it” is “fine! We won’t help at all!” rather than “wow maybe we should stop harassing women”

Do better, guys.