Property and...extended family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is something else going on?

Because if we had a second home, we would let friends and family use it when we weren't there, and if we knew they wouldn't trash it. Two very important criteria! For us it's not that anyone contributed or not (what a strange thought!), what's important is that they don't damage the house or furnishings. So if the dog is going to scratch up the floors, then no. If the kids are going to smear stuff on the walls, then no. But if it's a nice family who will clean up after themselves, then why not? It's the nice thing to do, pandemic or no pandemic.

If you really want to stick it to them, you could ask for a donation for upkeep or something...

You negated your entire post with that phrase, and you sound like a user yourself. Hard pass.

Pp you replied to. We're an immigrant family who sends money overseas to relatives we've never even met, PP, because they didn't get the opportunity to leave the home country. So we don't have a second home, but we do believe in helping family. If some relatives are obnoxious or irresponsible, of course, that's another story, like I said, but if they're nice enough, why not be kind? Why do people have such a grasping, me-me-me mentality?

Allowing a family member who is homeless stay in your 2nd home would be 'kind'. Insisting you should be able to leave your own home behind to stay in someone's second home is 'obnoxious', 'grasping, me-me-me mentality'. Saying 'no' to that person is not unkind.

+1. BIL's wife vilified me to anyone that would listen for not letting her use my aunt's second home as a private vacation home for her and BIL. They are both insatiably greedy and entitled. Hard no. I don't even ask to borrow the house but used to visit during the summer to spend time with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is something else going on?

Because if we had a second home, we would let friends and family use it when we weren't there, and if we knew they wouldn't trash it. Two very important criteria! For us it's not that anyone contributed or not (what a strange thought!), what's important is that they don't damage the house or furnishings. So if the dog is going to scratch up the floors, then no. If the kids are going to smear stuff on the walls, then no. But if it's a nice family who will clean up after themselves, then why not? It's the nice thing to do, pandemic or no pandemic.

If you really want to stick it to them, you could ask for a donation for upkeep or something...

So, I assume every time you go on vacation, you open up your home for anyone to stay in? And you car is up for grabs ? Even when you are using it?

My inlaws have a second house in Florida. They bought it. They pay someone for the upkeep. It has never occurred to me to ask to use it. It is not mine. It is theirs to use whenever they want. It’s not mine because I know them.

+1

[Anonymous]

Not to derail, but what if someone offers? A friend has a vacation place in a highly sought after seasonal resort area. They rent it out for many weeks in-season, but get few, if any, rentals in the off-season, though it's still a very fun place to go.

A month or so ago, they offered to let us use it during the off-season. It turns out that we may have the opportunity to go, and we're thinking of taking them up on it. It's not a place we typically would go off-season, but it'll be fun, and relaxing.

So, would it be rude to say, "Hey, remember when you offered your place? We'd like to take you up on that."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not to derail, but what if someone offers? A friend has a vacation place in a highly sought after seasonal resort area. They rent it out for many weeks in-season, but get few, if any, rentals in the off-season, though it's still a very fun place to go.

A month or so ago, they offered to let us use it during the off-season. It turns out that we may have the opportunity to go, and we're thinking of taking them up on it. It's not a place we typically would go off-season, but it'll be fun, and relaxing.

So, would it be rude to say, "Hey, remember when you offered your place? We'd like to take you up on that."

I would bring it up and say that if it still works for them that you’d like to take them up on it. Then send a hostess gift with thank you note after your stay. A generous card to local restaurant or something you notice that would work well with their home design would be nice.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t like people asking to use our beach house. It would rub me the wrong way. But we do let family and friends stay there for free. 10 days or a week at a time. I’d rather have the house used than sit vacant. Would give your family a week.

[Anonymous]

When you built the house, was the original plan to have this be an extended- family house and everyone who wanted to participate would pay a share and everyone declined?
I would probably allow family and friends to use for a week or two if I am not using provided they cover cleaning fees and pay for damages. If they aren't good guests, I would say no the next time they ask.

[Anonymous]

And to add...a definite NO on using it all summer. I would go as far and ask them why they think it is ok to use your vacation for an entire summer? If they honestly asked to do this, without saying they would pay market rate, I would not agree to any of their requests.

[Anonymous]

Don’t tell entitled relatives about your investments ever. Too late for op. Just say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to derail, but what if someone offers? A friend has a vacation place in a highly sought after seasonal resort area. They rent it out for many weeks in-season, but get few, if any, rentals in the off-season, though it's still a very fun place to go.

A month or so ago, they offered to let us use it during the off-season. It turns out that we may have the opportunity to go, and we're thinking of taking them up on it. It's not a place we typically would go off-season, but it'll be fun, and relaxing.

So, would it be rude to say, "Hey, remember when you offered your place? We'd like to take you up on that."

I would bring it up and say that if it still works for them that you’d like to take them up on it. Then send a hostess gift with thank you note after your stay. A generous card to local restaurant or something you notice that would work well with their home design would be nice.

+1 They offered because they do want you to ask. So ask. Then be a great guest and treat the house better than you do your own. A thank you note and gift is always a nice touch.

[Anonymous]

+2 and be sure to ask how they want the house left, for example do they want you to wash sheets. I also insist on paying for their cleaners after you leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not to derail, but what if someone offers? A friend has a vacation place in a highly sought after seasonal resort area. They rent it out for many weeks in-season, but get few, if any, rentals in the off-season, though it's still a very fun place to go.

A month or so ago, they offered to let us use it during the off-season. It turns out that we may have the opportunity to go, and we're thinking of taking them up on it. It's not a place we typically would go off-season, but it'll be fun, and relaxing.

So, would it be rude to say, "Hey, remember when you offered your place? We'd like to take you up on that."

No, just word it to allow them to back out if it no longer works. They may have made the same offer to others. And be good guests and clean up after yourself. And ask about things you need to do before you leave. Is the expectation you will vacuum and wash the sheets? Or that you will pay for cleaners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is something else going on?

Because if we had a second home, we would let friends and family use it when we weren't there, and if we knew they wouldn't trash it. Two very important criteria! For us it's not that anyone contributed or not (what a strange thought!), what's important is that they don't damage the house or furnishings. So if the dog is going to scratch up the floors, then no. If the kids are going to smear stuff on the walls, then no. But if it's a nice family who will clean up after themselves, then why not? It's the nice thing to do, pandemic or no pandemic.

If you really want to stick it to them, you could ask for a donation for upkeep or something...

You'd be amazed at how poorly people treat other people's property. I'd make them pay something because they're more likely to treat it like crap if they don't pay. I would make family at least put down a deposit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not to derail, but what if someone offers? A friend has a vacation place in a highly sought after seasonal resort area. They rent it out for many weeks in-season, but get few, if any, rentals in the off-season, though it's still a very fun place to go.

A month or so ago, they offered to let us use it during the off-season. It turns out that we may have the opportunity to go, and we're thinking of taking them up on it. It's not a place we typically would go off-season, but it'll be fun, and relaxing.

So, would it be rude to say, "Hey, remember when you offered your place? We'd like to take you up on that."

Only if you offer to pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is something else going on?

Because if we had a second home, we would let friends and family use it when we weren't there, and if we knew they wouldn't trash it. Two very important criteria! For us it's not that anyone contributed or not (what a strange thought!), what's important is that they don't damage the house or furnishings. So if the dog is going to scratch up the floors, then no. If the kids are going to smear stuff on the walls, then no. But if it's a nice family who will clean up after themselves, then why not? It's the nice thing to do, pandemic or no pandemic.

If you really want to stick it to them, you could ask for a donation for upkeep or something...

For three months?! I can understand letting family use my vacation home for a long weekend, a week even, but 3 months in a row, with dogs? Not a chance. Why would people give up the private use of their vacation home for 3 months over the summer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to derail, but what if someone offers? A friend has a vacation place in a highly sought after seasonal resort area. They rent it out for many weeks in-season, but get few, if any, rentals in the off-season, though it's still a very fun place to go.

A month or so ago, they offered to let us use it during the off-season. It turns out that we may have the opportunity to go, and we're thinking of taking them up on it. It's not a place we typically would go off-season, but it'll be fun, and relaxing.

So, would it be rude to say, "Hey, remember when you offered your place? We'd like to take you up on that."

Only if you offer to pay.

Hmm. That's the thing - if we have to pay for a place to stay, there are other places we'd rather go. Part of the appeal is that it is free lodging. And even if we were going to go to that location, this is a 4 BR place where there are only two of us traveling (kids will be occupied this summer).

I didn't interpret the offer as a solicitation to rent, and I doubt they meant it that way. This is a 4 BR place where there are only two of us traveling (kids will be occupied this summer).

We definitely would offer to pay for the cleaning fee, for their regular cleaner.