Property and...extended family?

[Anonymous]

We run into this with our lake house as well. One cousin no longer speaks to me because I asked her to text me and ask before she just showed up with her kids to swim. Oh well.

Don’t let them take advantage of you and don’t feel bad. You paid for it, you did the work, you don’t owe them a place to stay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is something else going on?

Because if we had a second home, we would let friends and family use it when we weren't there, and if we knew they wouldn't trash it. Two very important criteria! For us it's not that anyone contributed or not (what a strange thought!), what's important is that they don't damage the house or furnishings. So if the dog is going to scratch up the floors, then no. If the kids are going to smear stuff on the walls, then no. But if it's a nice family who will clean up after themselves, then why not? It's the nice thing to do, pandemic or no pandemic.

If you really want to stick it to them, you could ask for a donation for upkeep or something...

You negated your entire post with that phrase, and you sound like a user yourself. Hard pass.

+1

Unless you have a second home, your idea of what you might or might not do is irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is something else going on?

Because if we had a second home, we would let friends and family use it when we weren't there, and if we knew they wouldn't trash it. Two very important criteria! For us it's not that anyone contributed or not (what a strange thought!), what's important is that they don't damage the house or furnishings. So if the dog is going to scratch up the floors, then no. If the kids are going to smear stuff on the walls, then no. But if it's a nice family who will clean up after themselves, then why not? It's the nice thing to do, pandemic or no pandemic.

If you really want to stick it to them, you could ask for a donation for upkeep or something...

So, I assume every time you go on vacation, you open up your home for anyone to stay in? And you car is up for grabs ? Even when you are using it?

My inlaws have a second house in Florida. They bought it. They pay someone for the upkeep. It has never occurred to me to ask to use it. It is not mine. It is theirs to use whenever they want. It’s not mine because I know them.

[Anonymous]

The thing is, the people who're brazen enough to ask, even after being told no, are not the type of people who're considerate of your stuff or will take good care of your property. Ask me how I know. It's always the users who're slavenly who's pushing and pouting when they don't get their way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is something else going on?

Because if we had a second home, we would let friends and family use it when we weren't there, and if we knew they wouldn't trash it. Two very important criteria! For us it's not that anyone contributed or not (what a strange thought!), what's important is that they don't damage the house or furnishings. So if the dog is going to scratch up the floors, then no. If the kids are going to smear stuff on the walls, then no. But if it's a nice family who will clean up after themselves, then why not? It's the nice thing to do, pandemic or no pandemic.

If you really want to stick it to them, you could ask for a donation for upkeep or something...

You negated your entire post with that phrase, and you sound like a user yourself. Hard pass.

Pp you replied to. We're an immigrant family who sends money overseas to relatives we've never even met, PP, because they didn't get the opportunity to leave the home country. So we don't have a second home, but we do believe in helping family. If some relatives are obnoxious or irresponsible, of course, that's another story, like I said, but if they're nice enough, why not be kind? Why do people have such a grasping, me-me-me mentality?

Allowing a family member who is homeless stay in your 2nd home would be 'kind'. Insisting you should be able to leave your own home behind to stay in someone's second home is 'obnoxious', 'grasping, me-me-me mentality'. Saying 'no' to that person is not unkind.

[Anonymous]

OP, you should be *very* thankful that they did not “contribute” to the building of the house (which is a weird concept in and of itself - what does that even mean? You expected them to put money in a house they wouldn’t own? Or you have them the option of owning 1/2 or something?).

In any case, if they had contributed one dime, you would be in big trouble now. As entitled as they are with YOUR house imagine, if they viewed it as partly theirs??

I wouldn’t mind my siblings staying for a week - but multiple weeks? Heck no.

I would have your DH send a message (since it’s his siblings) saying something like they can each have a week at the house sometime during the year and to send dates that might work and you’ll assign dates. And that they need to leave a check for $xx for the housekeeper on their last day. I would book them back to back so that no one just “stays.”

[Anonymous]

asking

Ask. Maybe idiots ask. That doesn't mean you have to be an equal idiot. What's so hard about saying, "no"?

[Anonymous]

3 months?? WTF!! No way!

[Anonymous]

NO!

If they need an explanation beyond saying, no, that will not work for us. Tell them that 5 extra people and a dog will not work as you both are working at home/school. Tell them you'd love if they would visit for a weekend and here is a list of hotels or places to stay nearby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you should be *very* thankful that they did not “contribute” to the building of the house (which is a weird concept in and of itself - what does that even mean? You expected them to put money in a house they wouldn’t own? Or you have them the option of owning 1/2 or something?).

In any case, if they had contributed one dime, you would be in big trouble now. As entitled as they are with YOUR house imagine, if they viewed it as partly theirs??

I wouldn’t mind my siblings staying for a week - but multiple weeks? Heck no.

I would have your DH send a message (since it’s his siblings) saying something like they can each have a week at the house sometime during the year and to send dates that might work and you’ll assign dates. And that they need to leave a check for $xx for the housekeeper on their last day. I would book them back to back so that no one just “stays.”

+1 this is a good point and good advice.
My MIL has a nice beach house and comes from and very large family. Every other year or so she will let a sibling have a week there, sometimes nieces/nephews too. 1 week and then cleaner comes on Saturday for turnover. She has directions for house care on the fridge. One time a sibling really spoiled his stay with some poor behavior so she basically black listed him for a few years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's amazing how entitled people can be, and how bold the requests can be. Just say "no you can't move in to my house" and hopefully they will stop asking.

This. Some people have a ridiculous sense of entitlement and no boundaries and they feel they can get away with it because FAMILY!

[Anonymous]

Hard No forever. I love PP who suggested sending them rental listings in area. Hold your ground. These relatives are bad news. Make sure you have an alarm system on your home!

[Anonymous]

Insane just say no you are using it.

[Anonymous]

Noooooo. FIL spent his retirement repairing modest summer house that was continually abused by family. They trashed it and offered nothing. It’s one of several reasons I am loathe to invest in a lake retirement home. DH thinks listing it on air B and B will mean family can rent like everyone else. I still think we’ll be fighting off what you describe. Say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is something else going on?

Because if we had a second home, we would let friends and family use it when we weren't there, and if we knew they wouldn't trash it. Two very important criteria! For us it's not that anyone contributed or not (what a strange thought!), what's important is that they don't damage the house or furnishings. So if the dog is going to scratch up the floors, then no. If the kids are going to smear stuff on the walls, then no. But if it's a nice family who will clean up after themselves, then why not? It's the nice thing to do, pandemic or no pandemic.

If you really want to stick it to them, you could ask for a donation for upkeep or something...

Not OP but not a strange thought. If relatives had contributed there would be a larger house and relatives would own part. OP if they keep asking just say "we already responded to that question." Pandemic is no excuse for the requests.