Vacations in Relationship
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
Agreed, it's okay for her to be hurt. |
Anonymous
The only way this is "an issue": -You're living with the man, -You and son have met and have a close relationship, and/or -You and man are engaged Dad-son go on vacation with good friends, my guess they are people with kids of a similar age. You're not part of the discussion until after-the-fact. How often are you seeing this man? Are you officially "boyfriend/girlfriend"? Have the two of you ever taken a vacation together? You've given us a paucity of details so it's hard for us to know whether this is a legit issue or if you're just too sensitive. I've already booked a ski trip with good friends in 2022. A few of the guys have been women for the last 3-6 months, but they have not invited the new ladies on the trip. Not sure where the relationship is going and they don't want to extend an invite if the women won't be around long term. |
Anonymous
How often are you seeing this man? 3-4 times a week Are you officially "boyfriend/girlfriend"? Yes Have the two of you ever taken a vacation together? Yes, once with his kid |
Anonymous
This. If I were divorced and dating with kids, having someone get upset about something like this would make me upset and I would probably break up. Relationships when you have kids just have to be different - requires maturity and independence. |
Anonymous
6 months committed and you are complaining about a vacation with his son??? WTF does he have his son full time? OP would be kicked to the curb if it was me........some of you women are over the top. |
Anonymous
My SO has an ex-gf who was outright jealous of his kids and basically wanted him to cut them off so she could have all his time. But it’s not just women. I’ve dated men who expected me to give up my child entirely so I could move with them for their career. I remember one saying “but I’m a great guy!” when I declined. No, dude, you’re not. |
Anonymous
| I’m almost three years into my relationship and I never consult my SO about my vacation plans with my son. We take 2-3 trips per year. It’s important to us. I love my SO but what is there to discuss? Let him know in advance I’m planning another trip with my kid? When I met him I had trips planned. Nothing has changed. And yes, we do take trips together to, both with and without the kids. I just don’t see the point in asking permission. And there’s certainly no need to extent an invitation if it’s a trip to bond with a child. |
Anonymous
|
Some of you can’t understand that the boyfriend is taking a trip with his son *and* some family friends. It’s not an either or here. Also, what family is he speaking of? He isn’t still married is he?
I get it op. I can’t understand why he didn’t invite you knowing that if you all broke up before the trip, you’d just not go. For those of you saying you’d kick someone to the curb, or that it “isn’t a good look” op isn’t your plaything or her boyfriend’s for that matter. She’s got every right to want the “boyfriend treatment” if what she describes is accurate. Put another way, if he can go on a trip with “family friends” why can’t op go? At what point does she become someone he introduces to people he cares about? I’d be hurt too, op. If I were you, I’d tell him how you feel. If he doesn’t invite you, I’d end it. This isn’t a trip he planned before you all met, or a trip happening tomorrow, though by six months… I’d still think he’d want to include you. This trip is happening a year from now. Put another way, nobody will stick around if you treat them like they aren’t worthy of you. At some point, you integrate the girl/guy, you break up, or you have an f buddy relationship. You don’t have a romantic interest and then sideline them for the sake of old friends and children and expect them to put up with it. |
Anonymous
She's not complaining that he's traveling with his son. She's hurt that her partner of six months who she sees 3-4 times a week and is exclusive with didn't even discuss the trip with her, let alone invite her with him and his friends. She was an afterthought - that is the issue, not that he and his kid are spending time together. I swear some of you people on this board. You might as well marry cardboard cutouts for all you understand or care about normal human emotions. |
Anonymous
TBH, it took OP nearly 4 pages of prodding to communicate these details and the background info to the rest of us. WTF are we supposed to know? Context matters.....a lot. |
Anonymous
Uh, he discussed the plan with his friends because they’re going on the trip. You’re not, so no need to discuss with you before he’s arranged it with them. If it’s next year, he’s given you at least 9 months notice. Jeez. |
Anonymous
+1. I see it this way too. That said, if it bothers you OP you should bring it up because something is getting lost in translation. You either have different expectations of where you are in the relationship OR you have different expectations about being in a relationship. For example, my now DH and I didn’t start spending the holidays with each other’s family until we were engaged. I know lots of other people do this earlier in a relationship. We found other opportunities to meet and spend time with each other’s family so it wasn’t a matter of not wanting the person to meet the family or spending time with them. Fortunately we both had the same expectations of the relationship in that regards without ever really discussing it but I could see if we didn’t how it could cause friction. If a guy wanted to start spending holidays with each other’s family before engagement, not to say I couldn’t get there but we would really have to have a discussion about it why and the things that I held dear, like having time to spend with my parents one one one and everyone being their relaxed selves (versus guest mode), I would have needed to find another time to do that. |
Anonymous
+2 Interesting responses to this question. I'm a woman and I would not be upset over this, maybe because (1) I don't consider 6 months to be a significant period of time and (2) I have kids and I prioritize them over other relationships. OP, if nothing else, maybe this thread will help you see how different people can reasonably good different views about the status of such a relationship and how things are planned and prioritized. If your SO feels like me, he probably doesn't even understand that you might be hurt by his actions. If you see it like this, it might be easier not to view this as a rejection or a slight to you. In any event, at a calm moment, you should tell him how you initially reacted, so that he understands your views and how you see the relationship...but don't expect to get invited on the trip. I also do not react well to ultimatums, so if you go this route, expect that he will break up with you even if he really likes you. Are you prepared for this? To me, it's not worth it is you are happy otherwise, but only you can decide what you are comfortable with doing next. Good luck and I really hope it works out. Congrats on starting and sustaining a new relationship in such a crazy year! |
Anonymous
You've been seeing a man for only SIX MONTHS. You think he should already invite you on a vacation trip WITH HIM AND HIS SON??? Are you serious? Hell, how does he know you'll even be together IN ONE YEAR? You should be happy he's being careful. His son is his SON forever. You're just a woman he's dating. You may come and go. His son is forever. Besides, if you two are together and happy in a year it's not hard to add you into the trip. You need to chill out. |