Husband and I Disagree On Parenting Philosophies

[Anonymous]

If your husbands concern is that an 8 week old is fussy in the evenings, and he thinks he can “solve” it by putting the baby on a strict schedule, I think his expectations are unrealistic.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes I think my DH can be a little sexist, and then I remember he never once tried to tell me what to do with the kids when they were babies and I am grateful to have married someone 50 and southern. Silver linings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I think my DH can be a little sexist, and then I remember he never once tried to tell me what to do with the kids when they were babies and I am grateful to have married someone 50 and southern. Silver linings.

Haha oops he’s 50 now. Not when they were babies. I am an idiot now in a post covid world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By 8 weeks, I recall Eat-Wake-Sleep PLUS a fixed “start” to the day, as much as possible (I.e. first feed at 7am, even if waking baby up early from sleep) really helped. The latter seemed to do the most to bring predictability to the days (huge for my mental well being!). Once that was established, we naturally fell into a schedule. Did this with #2, didn’t with #1.

OP here. We have him on a strict wake up every morning. He takes good morning naps but the afternoon can be harder. He has a strict bedtime routine.

A typical day. Everyday is a little different when it comes for he afternoon. He sleeps by himself for the morning naps but I hold him for the afternoon naps. He is combo fed and gets a two bottles of formula a day.

7am - Wake up, eat
8-9:30 - nap, eat
10-45 - 12 - nap, eat
1:15-2 - nap, eat
3:15-4- nap, eat
5:30-6 - nap, eat
7:30 - Eat
8- bedtime. Wakes up around 4 for a feeding. Sometimes will wake up around 1 to eat.

All of you are doing really great! Just a few tweaks you may want to consider or ignore.

When he is awake is it just eating time? If so he might benefit from a little playtime, especially in the afternoons between 1:15 and 4.


As for schedule, it seems he more or less settled into a sort of a schedule, so there's nothing wrong with putting him down for his naps at the same time every day just like you do for bedtime, sort of establish a naptime routine, do the nap routine and let him be, now if he's fussy or crying obviously you've got to hold him.

so
7:00 Feed'
7:45 Play
8:15 Nap
Cargegiver takes a break or does whatever they need to do
10:00 get baby up from nap if not already awake and feed
10:45 play
11:15 nap
Caregiver takes a break or does whatever chores they need
1:00 get baby up from nap if not already awake and feed
1:45 play
2:15 nap
Cargegiver takes a break or does whatever they need to do
4:00 get baby up from nap and feed
4L45 play
Cargegiver takes a break or does whatever they need to do
6:00 feed
7:00 bedtime routine
7:30 feed
8:00 feed

OP here. We play but not a ton. We will do tummy time, play on the playmat, read, play with toys, go for walks, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By 8 weeks, I recall Eat-Wake-Sleep PLUS a fixed “start” to the day, as much as possible (I.e. first feed at 7am, even if waking baby up early from sleep) really helped. The latter seemed to do the most to bring predictability to the days (huge for my mental well being!). Once that was established, we naturally fell into a schedule. Did this with #2, didn’t with #1.

OP here. We have him on a strict wake up every morning. He takes good morning naps but the afternoon can be harder. He has a strict bedtime routine.

A typical day. Everyday is a little different when it comes for he afternoon. He sleeps by himself for the morning naps but I hold him for the afternoon naps. He is combo fed and gets a two bottles of formula a day.

7am - Wake up, eat
8-9:30 - nap, eat
10-45 - 12 - nap, eat
1:15-2 - nap, eat
3:15-4- nap, eat
5:30-6 - nap, eat
7:30 - Eat
8- bedtime. Wakes up around 4 for a feeding. Sometimes will wake up around 1 to eat.

All of you are doing really great! Just a few tweaks you may want to consider or ignore.

When he is awake is it just eating time? If so he might benefit from a little playtime, especially in the afternoons between 1:15 and 4.


As for schedule, it seems he more or less settled into a sort of a schedule, so there's nothing wrong with putting him down for his naps at the same time every day just like you do for bedtime, sort of establish a naptime routine, do the nap routine and let him be, now if he's fussy or crying obviously you've got to hold him.

so
7:00 Feed'
7:45 Play
8:15 Nap
Cargegiver takes a break or does whatever they need to do
10:00 get baby up from nap if not already awake and feed
10:45 play
11:15 nap
Caregiver takes a break or does whatever chores they need
1:00 get baby up from nap if not already awake and feed
1:45 play
2:15 nap
Cargegiver takes a break or does whatever they need to do
4:00 get baby up from nap and feed
4L45 play
Cargegiver takes a break or does whatever they need to do
6:00 feed
7:00 bedtime routine
7:30 feed
8:00 feed

OP here. He can’t stay up from 4-7. He only stays up for a max of two hours at night from 6-8.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By 8 weeks, I recall Eat-Wake-Sleep PLUS a fixed “start” to the day, as much as possible (I.e. first feed at 7am, even if waking baby up early from sleep) really helped. The latter seemed to do the most to bring predictability to the days (huge for my mental well being!). Once that was established, we naturally fell into a schedule. Did this with #2, didn’t with #1.

OP here. We have him on a strict wake up every morning. He takes good morning naps but the afternoon can be harder. He has a strict bedtime routine.

A typical day. Everyday is a little different when it comes for he afternoon. He sleeps by himself for the morning naps but I hold him for the afternoon naps. He is combo fed and gets a two bottles of formula a day.

7am - Wake up, eat
8-9:30 - nap, eat
10-45 - 12 - nap, eat
1:15-2 - nap, eat
3:15-4- nap, eat
5:30-6 - nap, eat
7:30 - Eat
8- bedtime. Wakes up around 4 for a feeding. Sometimes will wake up around 1 to eat.

All of you are doing really great! Just a few tweaks you may want to consider or ignore.

When he is awake is it just eating time? If so he might benefit from a little playtime, especially in the afternoons between 1:15 and 4.


As for schedule, it seems he more or less settled into a sort of a schedule, so there's nothing wrong with putting him down for his naps at the same time every day just like you do for bedtime, sort of establish a naptime routine, do the nap routine and let him be, now if he's fussy or crying obviously you've got to hold him.

so
7:00 Feed'
7:45 Play
8:15 Nap
Cargegiver takes a break or does whatever they need to do
10:00 get baby up from nap if not already awake and feed
10:45 play
11:15 nap
Caregiver takes a break or does whatever chores they need
1:00 get baby up from nap if not already awake and feed
1:45 play
2:15 nap
Cargegiver takes a break or does whatever they need to do
4:00 get baby up from nap and feed
4L45 play
Cargegiver takes a break or does whatever they need to do
6:00 feed
7:00 bedtime routine
7:30 feed
8:00 feed

OP here. We play but not a ton. We will do tummy time, play on the playmat, read, play with toys, go for walks, etc.

Of course not! 3 hrs is too long at that stage. There should be a nape in there at around 5 o clock, but not a long one, up by 5:45 or no later than 6. It also sounds like he get plenty of playtimes. I still might think it might be beneficial to put him down for naps at the same time every day following a little routinf, if he sleeps , he sleeps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I have different parenting styles. Our son is a little over 8 weeks old and my husband has been pushing to get him on a schedule. I’m all for schedules but I think he is too young. I’m doing on-demand at this point and following his cues. I feel like it’s going well but naps are becoming a challenge. He is having issues with fighting naps in the afternoon and staying asleep for more than 30-45 minutes unless he’s held. My husband thinks putting him on a schedule will help solve it. I think it’s developmentally normal and not much we can do about it until he’s older and we can sleep train. I want to be respectful of his views and opinions, but I also want to do what I feel is best for the baby. I’m not really sure how to navigate difference in opinions on parental philosophies and who decides what to do?

At 8 weeks, on demand is fine. He is too young to schedule. The child will get into a routine by 3 months (and more wakeful and active too so scheduling becomes more important for your sanity than the child's well-being).

I, erm, made excel spreadsheets of my first child's schedule. I tried for my second child, but #2 had to nap on the fly because #1's pickup and dropoffs were unavoidable. They are teenagers now, the lack of a rigid schedule for the latter hasn't affected his admirable academic performance. He even potty trained way early but I would credit that to a desire to imitate the older child.

Here's what a friend with 3 young kids told me at the time -
There are 3 things you can't control about kids, eating, sleeping and pooping. So just roll with it and you won't feel so stressed out.
Some kids need more sleep, other kids catnap. Kids are people too. Can you imagine somebody expecting you to fall asleep when you aren't sleepy?

(When it comes to the eating part, I do have to say that when you allow the child to pick out their own fruits and vegetables, it tastes all the more delicious than any YOU could pick out.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By 8 weeks, I recall Eat-Wake-Sleep PLUS a fixed “start” to the day, as much as possible (I.e. first feed at 7am, even if waking baby up early from sleep) really helped. The latter seemed to do the most to bring predictability to the days (huge for my mental well being!). Once that was established, we naturally fell into a schedule. Did this with #2, didn’t with #1.

OP here. We have him on a strict wake up every morning. He takes good morning naps but the afternoon can be harder. He has a strict bedtime routine.

A typical day. Everyday is a little different when it comes for he afternoon. He sleeps by himself for the morning naps but I hold him for the afternoon naps. He is combo fed and gets a two bottles of formula a day.

7am - Wake up, eat
8-9:30 - nap, eat
10-45 - 12 - nap, eat
1:15-2 - nap, eat
3:15-4- nap, eat
5:30-6 - nap, eat
7:30 - Eat
8- bedtime. Wakes up around 4 for a feeding. Sometimes will wake up around 1 to eat.

All of you are doing really great! Just a few tweaks you may want to consider or ignore.

When he is awake is it just eating time? If so he might benefit from a little playtime, especially in the afternoons between 1:15 and 4.


As for schedule, it seems he more or less settled into a sort of a schedule, so there's nothing wrong with putting him down for his naps at the same time every day just like you do for bedtime, sort of establish a naptime routine, do the nap routine and let him be, now if he's fussy or crying obviously you've got to hold him.

so
7:00 Feed'
7:45 Play
8:15 Nap
Cargegiver takes a break or does whatever they need to do
10:00 get baby up from nap if not already awake and feed
10:45 play
11:15 nap
Caregiver takes a break or does whatever chores they need
1:00 get baby up from nap if not already awake and feed
1:45 play
2:15 nap
Cargegiver takes a break or does whatever they need to do
4:00 get baby up from nap and feed
4L45 play
Cargegiver takes a break or does whatever they need to do
6:00 feed
7:00 bedtime routine
7:30 feed
8:00 feed

OP here. We play but not a ton. We will do tummy time, play on the playmat, read, play with toys, go for walks, etc.

Of course not! 3 hrs is too long at that stage. There should be a nape in there at around 5 o clock, but not a long one, up by 5:45 or no later than 6. It also sounds like he get plenty of playtimes. I still might think it might be beneficial to put him down for naps at the same time every day following a little routinf, if he sleeps , he sleeps.

OP showed in her routine that he naps 5:30-6. Why are suggesting what she is already doing?

[Anonymous]

I would not have done it when my kid was that age, but if I had to start over or had a second kid, I would just leave the H and baby and some bottles and go out for a day. He is welcome to put him on any schedule and do whatever (presuming he won't harm the baby). I would agree to follow any schedule he establishes. Good luck to him, ahahahaha

[Anonymous]

I would suggest opening up a new tab to amazon and ordering this book:
Good Night, Sleep Tight by Kim West

This book will be FAR more helpful to you & your husband in the coming weeks and months than any anecdotal advice you will read on a message board.

[Anonymous]

There is nothing wrong with having a flexible schedule at that age. Also, your plan isn't working, so perhaps you should listen to your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is nothing wrong with having a flexible schedule at that age. Also, your plan isn't working, so perhaps you should listen to your husband.

Where is her plan not working with the exception of course of her husbands "ideas".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:don't worry. i mean this not snarkily (it sounds like i do but trying to help): your husband and you have no idea yet if you do or not have similar philosophies.

congrats on the baby!

+1
I lol'ed when I saw they were talking about an 8 week old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. This is a fine age to do a schedule. We did with both kids.
Do Eat-Play-Sleep every 3-4 hours on a cycle. You can do a fixed hourly schedule but you don’t have to as long as you roughly time the cycle . Doing the Sleep part on a schedule before they get overtired helps a LOT.
2. Pediatricians are fine but they’re medical professionals and haven’t trained their whole career to be sleep coaches. They know stuff but don’t be a slave to the pediatrician.

If you do 1 will that get you and husband to agree?

This +1000! The key to being on a schedule is being flexible enough to allow changes, hiccups, and the un-account for things. A schedule at this age is more of a guideline. It might actually help baby sleep more consistently and for longer stretches. As baby gets older, you can get a little more stricter with the schedule without inflicting harm. If you aren't swaddling, swaddle. If its your scent that baby wants, safely add a piece of your clothing to where baby sleeps. Make sure baby is adequately fed. A hungry baby won't sleep well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man if you can’t let your kid roll at 8 weeks life is gonna be rough. He’s two months old. Hold him, love him. You cannot spoil him. I promise you will not carry him to college in your arms. Keep track of when he naturally wakes and eats and sleeps so you can get a sense of his patterns and then follow him. He is literally a baby. Treat him like one.

Agree with the above - he's 2mos old.