Husband and I Disagree On Parenting Philosophies

[Anonymous]

I think you’re doing great. Most people would love for their 8 week old to sleep 8 hours at night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all of the replies. I’m with him most of the day because I’m on maternity leave, but my husband does as much as he can into be evening and on the weekends. I don’t have him on a schedule but he’s on a routine. He eats every 2-3 hours, is up for 60-80 minutes before a nap, and we have bedtime routine. I think most babies become more aware at this age and it can be harder for them to go down for naps in the afternoon. He is very easy to put down in the morning and early afternoon, but later afternoon and evenings can be tough. I think it’s just something we have to go through, but my husband thinks putting him on a strict schedule would help.

80 minutes is too long for an 8 week old.


Shorten the bedtime routine.

Do not run to the pediatrician with this. You are married to your husband. You need to figure out how to settle this without treating him like he's your employee or student.

80 minutes is not too long.

What is wrong with her bedtime routine? The baby sleeps 8 hours, wakes at 4, then back to sleep until 7am. That is very good for an 8 week old. I don’t see any need to change that.

She never said anything about going to the pediatrician.

If you're not OP mind your business.

[Anonymous]

At 8 weeks it is such a tough time, but if you can fit it in - please seek out parenting classes you both attend. There is such a stigma around parenting classes, but we take yoga classes and piano lessons and get CPA help with taxes and so many more. Why is it seen that we should all be natural parents and especially co-parents, navigating that change with our spouses?

Parenting the kids was the easy part for me. Getting on the same page as my spouse was a totally unexpected challenge. We had discussed a ton, knew a lot about our own childhoods, worked through challenges really well together - and parenting amplified differences SO MUCH. It really neutralized situations to be getting advice from professionals versus each of us trying to convince the other on our position, sending each other articles that backed up our way of doing things, etc.

[Anonymous]

I like the resources and classes from The Gottman Institute, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all of the replies. I’m with him most of the day because I’m on maternity leave, but my husband does as much as he can into be evening and on the weekends. I don’t have him on a schedule but he’s on a routine. He eats every 2-3 hours, is up for 60-80 minutes before a nap, and we have bedtime routine. I think most babies become more aware at this age and it can be harder for them to go down for naps in the afternoon. He is very easy to put down in the morning and early afternoon, but later afternoon and evenings can be tough. I think it’s just something we have to go through, but my husband thinks putting him on a strict schedule would help.

80 minutes is too long for an 8 week old.


Shorten the bedtime routine.

Do not run to the pediatrician with this. You are married to your husband. You need to figure out how to settle this without treating him like he's your employee or student.

80 minutes isn’t that long. Most babies that age are awake for 60-90 minutes.

OP here. He is usually down by 80 minutes but the afternoon can be harder to get him down. Not much I can do if he won’t go to sleep at before that.

Our bedtime routine is short. It’s just change diaper, clothes, and feed.

I’m not asking the pediatrician anything. I never once said anything about the pediatrician.

If you're struggling to get him down 80 minutes might be too long. Some babies show sleep cues, rubbing their mouth doesn't mean tey want to eat, it means they are getting sleepy. You also may try jus letting him be, I don't mean not rocking him or responding if he cries, but some babies need to be left alone to sleep, my son was like this and it shocked me to see that me rocking him and going to his bed evey time he made a noise was keeping him awake..

No you didn't say you were going to the pediatrician, i was responfing to pps telling you to go to the pediatrician, telling you the tthis was not the way to go.

[Anonymous]

Your husband might respond well to an E-A-S-Y "schedule." It's not sleep training, but it will help him know what comes next.

At 8 weeks though the baby is still probably in witching hour/cluster feeding mode in the late afternoon/early evening. He should research that. He could read Weisbluth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By 8 weeks, I recall Eat-Wake-Sleep PLUS a fixed “start” to the day, as much as possible (I.e. first feed at 7am, even if waking baby up early from sleep) really helped. The latter seemed to do the most to bring predictability to the days (huge for my mental well being!). Once that was established, we naturally fell into a schedule. Did this with #2, didn’t with #1.

OP here. We have him on a strict wake up every morning. He takes good morning naps but the afternoon can be harder. He has a strict bedtime routine.

A typical day. Everyday is a little different when it comes for he afternoon. He sleeps by himself for the morning naps but I hold him for the afternoon naps. He is combo fed and gets a two bottles of formula a day.

7am - Wake up, eat
8-9:30 - nap, eat
10-45 - 12 - nap, eat
1:15-2 - nap, eat
3:15-4- nap, eat
5:30-6 - nap, eat
7:30 - Eat
8- bedtime. Wakes up around 4 for a feeding. Sometimes will wake up around 1 to eat.

What exactly are your husband's concerns?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Talk to your pediatrician

I agree with this, just do whatever your pediatrician says. Let them be the tiebreaker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband might respond well to an E-A-S-Y "schedule." It's not sleep training, but it will help him know what comes next.

At 8 weeks though the baby is still probably in witching hour/cluster feeding mode in the late afternoon/early evening. He should research that. He could read Weisbluth.

Also maybe get your husband into baby wearing in the evening. If he's willing to walk back and forth or up and down the block with the baby between cluster feeds, that can help with the crying. That's a "schedule" too - between 5 and 8 pm, you baby wear, walk around, and nurse a lot. Every night you try to push bedtime 5-10 minutes earlier.

By 3 months this will be a blurry memory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By 8 weeks, I recall Eat-Wake-Sleep PLUS a fixed “start” to the day, as much as possible (I.e. first feed at 7am, even if waking baby up early from sleep) really helped. The latter seemed to do the most to bring predictability to the days (huge for my mental well being!). Once that was established, we naturally fell into a schedule. Did this with #2, didn’t with #1.

OP here. We have him on a strict wake up every morning. He takes good morning naps but the afternoon can be harder. He has a strict bedtime routine.

A typical day. Everyday is a little different when it comes for he afternoon. He sleeps by himself for the morning naps but I hold him for the afternoon naps. He is combo fed and gets a two bottles of formula a day.

7am - Wake up, eat
8-9:30 - nap, eat
10-45 - 12 - nap, eat
1:15-2 - nap, eat
3:15-4- nap, eat
5:30-6 - nap, eat
7:30 - Eat
8- bedtime. Wakes up around 4 for a feeding. Sometimes will wake up around 1 to eat.

All of you are doing really great! Just a few tweaks you may want to consider or ignore.

When he is awake is it just eating time? If so he might benefit from a little playtime, especially in the afternoons between 1:15 and 4.


As for schedule, it seems he more or less settled into a sort of a schedule, so there's nothing wrong with putting him down for his naps at the same time every day just like you do for bedtime, sort of establish a naptime routine, do the nap routine and let him be, now if he's fussy or crying obviously you've got to hold him.

so
7:00 Feed'
7:45 Play
8:15 Nap
Cargegiver takes a break or does whatever they need to do
10:00 get baby up from nap if not already awake and feed
10:45 play
11:15 nap
Caregiver takes a break or does whatever chores they need
1:00 get baby up from nap if not already awake and feed
1:45 play
2:15 nap
Cargegiver takes a break or does whatever they need to do
4:00 get baby up from nap and feed
4L45 play
Cargegiver takes a break or does whatever they need to do
6:00 feed
7:00 bedtime routine
7:30 feed
8:00 feed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By 8 weeks, I recall Eat-Wake-Sleep PLUS a fixed “start” to the day, as much as possible (I.e. first feed at 7am, even if waking baby up early from sleep) really helped. The latter seemed to do the most to bring predictability to the days (huge for my mental well being!). Once that was established, we naturally fell into a schedule. Did this with #2, didn’t with #1.

OP here. We have him on a strict wake up every morning. He takes good morning naps but the afternoon can be harder. He has a strict bedtime routine.

A typical day. Everyday is a little different when it comes for he afternoon. He sleeps by himself for the morning naps but I hold him for the afternoon naps. He is combo fed and gets a two bottles of formula a day.

7am - Wake up, eat
8-9:30 - nap, eat
10-45 - 12 - nap, eat
1:15-2 - nap, eat
3:15-4- nap, eat
5:30-6 - nap, eat
7:30 - Eat
8- bedtime. Wakes up around 4 for a feeding. Sometimes will wake up around 1 to eat.

What exactly are your husband's concerns?

This is I want to know? Is struggling with getting the baby to nap in the afternnon and needing to hold him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By 8 weeks, I recall Eat-Wake-Sleep PLUS a fixed “start” to the day, as much as possible (I.e. first feed at 7am, even if waking baby up early from sleep) really helped. The latter seemed to do the most to bring predictability to the days (huge for my mental well being!). Once that was established, we naturally fell into a schedule. Did this with #2, didn’t with #1.

OP here. We have him on a strict wake up every morning. He takes good morning naps but the afternoon can be harder. He has a strict bedtime routine.

A typical day. Everyday is a little different when it comes for he afternoon. He sleeps by himself for the morning naps but I hold him for the afternoon naps. He is combo fed and gets a two bottles of formula a day.

7am - Wake up, eat
8-9:30 - nap, eat
10-45 - 12 - nap, eat
1:15-2 - nap, eat
3:15-4- nap, eat
5:30-6 - nap, eat
7:30 - Eat
8- bedtime. Wakes up around 4 for a feeding. Sometimes will wake up around 1 to eat.

All of you are doing really great! Just a few tweaks you may want to consider or ignore.

When he is awake is it just eating time? If so he might benefit from a little playtime, especially in the afternoons between 1:15 and 4.


As for schedule, it seems he more or less settled into a sort of a schedule, so there's nothing wrong with putting him down for his naps at the same time every day just like you do for bedtime, sort of establish a naptime routine, do the nap routine and let him be, now if he's fussy or crying obviously you've got to hold him.

so
7:00 Feed'
7:45 Play
8:15 Nap
Cargegiver takes a break or does whatever they need to do
10:00 get baby up from nap if not already awake and feed
10:45 play
11:15 nap
Caregiver takes a break or does whatever chores they need
1:00 get baby up from nap if not already awake and feed
1:45 play
2:15 nap
Cargegiver takes a break or does whatever they need to do
4:00 get baby up from nap and feed
4L45 play
Cargegiver takes a break or does whatever they need to do
6:00 feed
7:00 bedtime routine
7:30 feed
8:00 feed

8:00 should be bed, no idea why it switched to feed of course unless he is hungry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By 8 weeks, I recall Eat-Wake-Sleep PLUS a fixed “start” to the day, as much as possible (I.e. first feed at 7am, even if waking baby up early from sleep) really helped. The latter seemed to do the most to bring predictability to the days (huge for my mental well being!). Once that was established, we naturally fell into a schedule. Did this with #2, didn’t with #1.

No way in hell would I wake up a sleeping 8 week old at 7a. OP, your husband will be a great partner in helping to set a routine and consistency when baby hits 4 months old. I think you are doing fine, just keep communicating with your husband and give him some books to read on infant sleep. I agree with others, you don't have different parenting styles yet. Come back to us when baby is a toddler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By 8 weeks, I recall Eat-Wake-Sleep PLUS a fixed “start” to the day, as much as possible (I.e. first feed at 7am, even if waking baby up early from sleep) really helped. The latter seemed to do the most to bring predictability to the days (huge for my mental well being!). Once that was established, we naturally fell into a schedule. Did this with #2, didn’t with #1.

No way in hell would I wake up a sleeping 8 week old at 7a. OP, your husband will be a great partner in helping to set a routine and consistency when baby hits 4 months old. I think you are doing fine, just keep communicating with your husband and give him some books to read on infant sleep. I agree with others, you don't have different parenting styles yet. Come back to us when baby is a toddler.

Okay, this is too much. It’s fine to wake the baby if you need to start the day. People have jobs and other obligations. Sure, if it is doable either way I wouldn’t wake the baby. But PP is way overdramatizing and if you need to have a wake time to make your day work, it’s fine!!

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it’s too early to try to move to a schedule. It won’t be perfect but it’ll bring some sanity to your day. Still super responsive but a little more structure for you. Good luck, OP. You’re lucky to have a supportive parenting partner- you guys’ll figure it out.