Uneven Inheritance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Listening to rich people discuss how they’ll carve up mom & dads assets has always disgusted me. I’ve always considered one great advantage of being working class or poor is knowing you’ll never be subject to such mercenary conjecture nor need worry that your children will destroy each other over your assets after you’ve gone.

Eh-when my former grandmother in law died intestate, her son became a total jackass to his sister. After selling her house, the estate was worth less than $20k. He stole savings bonds he found in the house (they had been his Dad’s who had the same name and were so old they didn’t have SSN associated) he just cashed them and didn’t tell her about them. Then had a fit because she asked to have two rings to give her 2 daughters (the only grand-daughters). These rings were worth $500 together but he thought he should get one because “fair’s fair.”

People if all financial situations can be terrible.

[Anonymous]

As a minority with immigrant parents, Otis always fascinating to me to read these threads complaining about inheritances.

I have zero expectation of receiving anything from either my parents or inlaws and I expect to take care of my parents financially as they age and are no longer working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Listening to rich people discuss how they’ll carve up mom & dads assets has always disgusted me. I’ve always considered one great advantage of being working class or poor is knowing you’ll never be subject to such mercenary conjecture nor need worry that your children will destroy each other over your assets after you’ve gone.

Exactly. This is such a foreign concept to me. I’m just hoping my parents leave enough for funeral expenses.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s common for parents to give more to the sibling that can’t take care of themselves, even if the siblings who have their lives together care for their parents. It’s a way to ease their guilt of having screwed their kid up. My mom bought my unemployed, alcoholic brother a house and takes care of all his bills, while I’ve never seen a penny from her. It’s just guilt.

Draw some boundaries around the caretaking. If you resent it, it’s not worth doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you are not the biological granddaughter of the grandfather even though you have known them for many years.

Your parents are splitting the inheritance equally. The grandparents are the ones who have given to their own biological family. Right or wrong that is their decision.

I wouldn't say anything, inheritance is not your money, it is someone else's money and they decide what to do with it.

100% this. Plus, don't count on the money. They could need it for healthcare or could every day expenses if they live until they are 100+. I know you are upset about the "inequality" but you can't control what they do with it and if you say anything you will look bratty.

+2 It's not your money. Live like you won't get any, because you may not. Don't take care of your parents in anticipation of inheritance, do it because you want to and are able. If you're not able, ask them to spend their money on that. They should be spending their money on improving their quality of life.

And for the record, your parents are doing what I would do in the situation. They are splitting their money even between their kids.

+3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want my parents to put into perspective that I’m the one that’s currently taking care of them and doing their errands and doctors appts always have family dinners, order their groceries , things of this nature

And knowing how careless my brother is he won’t be looking after them or putting their needs first as they age


Plus that since he’s set to receive a house and lump sum.
By them evening out the distribution of their assets it’ll feel some what fair to me

Grow up

[Anonymous]

I think OP is counting her half-brother's inheritance from his grandfather as part of the whole "inheritance" pie for both of them? Even though that has nothing to do with OP's parents' estate?

OP, this is a really unhealthy relationship to have with "inheritance." It's not your money. It might never be your money. Learn to be happy with your own assets.

[Anonymous]

Just because something is equal doesn't mean it's fair. They are splitting their own funds 50/50. Imagine how your brother would feel if your parents only left half?

[Anonymous]

Well, consider yourself lucky.

My INCEL brother has been sucking off my parent's teets his entire life. He has never held a job or lived independently. He's also a nasty little prick.

He'll inherit everything. He also had his entire advanced education paid for while I got 0 contribution to mine. I'd like to say I've gotten over the injustices but I really haven't. I'm bitter and angry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, consider yourself lucky.

My INCEL brother has been sucking off my parent's teets his entire life. He has never held a job or lived independently. He's also a nasty little prick.

He'll inherit everything. He also had his entire advanced education paid for while I got 0 contribution to mine. I'd like to say I've gotten over the injustices but I really haven't. I'm bitter and angry.

My that's an afternoon special just waiting to happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, consider yourself lucky.

My INCEL brother has been sucking off my parent's teets his entire life. He has never held a job or lived independently. He's also a nasty little prick.

He'll inherit everything. He also had his entire advanced education paid for while I got 0 contribution to mine. I'd like to say I've gotten over the injustices but I really haven't. I'm bitter and angry.

Haven’t you turned out better than him though? I’d consider that revenge enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want my parents to put into perspective that I’m the one that’s currently taking care of them and doing their errands and doctors appts always have family dinners, order their groceries , things of this nature

And knowing how careless my brother is he won’t be looking after them or putting their needs first as they age


Plus that since he’s set to receive a house and lump sum.
By them evening out the distribution of their assets it’ll feel some what fair to me

Np But to get your inheritance don't you have to be dead? So, the parents are dead you get the inheritance so there is no one to "care for?" What am I missing??

OP, like many women, will spend year caring for her parents in their old age and then when they die she will receive the same as her brother who has done jack.

Yup. This has been my situation. And yes, it affected my career. My parents still divide their assets equally among us but they have sizable assets so they helps me feel like the fact I am not getting directly compensated is kind of ok. I would probably feel differently if I was barely hanging on financially and my parents had less to divide.

Op, your reasoning is not quite appropriate. Your half sibling inherited assets from his grandparent who is not your grandparent. Your parents are splitting their estate equally. They should not have to give you more to make up for his grandparents’ inheritance.

Now, if you are doing more work for them than your brother and that is affecting your earning ability, I do sort of see your point. It’s hard to know how to rectify that without knowing more about you and your parents finances. For example, if you are broke partly because you spend a lot of time caring for them and it has affected your career, and your parents have lots of money, perhaps they could compensate you an hourly rate or something. Or gift you money each year to make up for it. But if you are still able to work full time, that’s a harder argument to make. It’s a slippery slope to figure out how to compensate family caregivers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a minority with immigrant parents, Otis always fascinating to me to read these threads complaining about inheritances.

I have zero expectation of receiving anything from either my parents or inlaws and I expect to take care of my parents financially as they age and are no longer working.

I am American and never received a dime in inheritance but also helped both parents financially and cared for them. My siblings and I had no inheritance to fight about, but we became estranged over unequal contributions to their care in old age. So there is always hard feelings in the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want my parents to put into perspective that I’m the one that’s currently taking care of them and doing their errands and doctors appts always have family dinners, order their groceries , things of this nature

And knowing how careless my brother is he won’t be looking after them or putting their needs first as they age


Plus that since he’s set to receive a house and lump sum.
By them evening out the distribution of their assets it’ll feel some what fair to me

Np But to get your inheritance don't you have to be dead? So, the parents are dead you get the inheritance so there is no one to "care for?" What am I missing??

OP, like many women, will spend year caring for her parents in their old age and then when they die she will receive the same as her brother who has done jack.

Yup. This has been my situation. And yes, it affected my career. My parents still divide their assets equally among us but they have sizable assets so they helps me feel like the fact I am not getting directly compensated is kind of ok. I would probably feel differently if I was barely hanging on financially and my parents had less to divide.

Op, your reasoning is not quite appropriate. Your half sibling inherited assets from his grandparent who is not your grandparent. Your parents are splitting their estate equally. They should not have to give you more to make up for his grandparents’ inheritance.

Now, if you are doing more work for them than your brother and that is affecting your earning ability, I do sort of see your point. It’s hard to know how to rectify that without knowing more about you and your parents finances. For example, if you are broke partly because you spend a lot of time caring for them and it has affected your career, and your parents have lots of money, perhaps they could compensate you an hourly rate or something. Or gift you money each year to make up for it. But if you are still able to work full time, that’s a harder argument to make. It’s a slippery slope to figure out how to compensate family caregivers.

I can't take it anymore. PP, and all you other pretentious nincompoops before this, the verb is "give."

[Anonymous]

An inheritance is not a payment for caregiving or eldercare. If one requires payment to provide eldercare, that’s an arrangement that should be put in place and executed while the parents are alive.