Tips for kids who are "handfuls"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dd had crazy meltdowns at 2. A lot of friends tried to help and give advice, but kids are so different—their advice just didn’t work for my kid. She has anxiety which caused a lot of the rigidity and meltdowns. Here’s what helped:

Promote sleep, don’t let her stay up too late
High protein and fat foods, especially breakfast and snacks
Good routines
Therapy

Thank you! What age did you start therapy?

Not until 9, but we should have started earlier looking back. 5 or 6 would have been better.

[Anonymous]

Just to put something out there, did you know that milk can be addictive and cause anxiety/behaviour issues? The fact that your son loves milk so much and that he drinks quite a lot of it makes me want to suggest looking into this. Or maybe he's just like that. My son was super explosive at that age (not to the point of running into a wall, but hitting and rolling on the floor). He's is still very intolerant to frustration but never gets physical anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would let go of rules like the milk rule. Ask yourself what the essential rules are in your house and enforce those (the essential ones are probably about safety, not about how often she gets milk). Your daughter might be having trouble with too many rules.

There is nothing wrong with that rule. Kids who get too much milk get constipation and iron deficiency anemia. In any case, I could tell my son "no milk, you get water" at any time and never get such a strange reaction

OP your kid's behavior sounds outside the normal range. I would get help

What kind of help? From where?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would let go of rules like the milk rule. Ask yourself what the essential rules are in your house and enforce those (the essential ones are probably about safety, not about how often she gets milk). Your daughter might be having trouble with too many rules.

There is nothing wrong with that rule. Kids who get too much milk get constipation and iron deficiency anemia. In any case, I could tell my son "no milk, you get water" at any time and never get such a strange reaction

OP your kid's behavior sounds outside the normal range. I would get help

What kind of help? From where?

^^^This wasn't OP btw

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t want to hijack OP’s thread, but I have a DS who is similar.

Example: today we were at the park. There was a homeless man who was acting a bit odd so I was restricting DS to one sector of the park. Ds spent almost the whole time we were at the park trying to get over to the sector where he was not allowed. Literally he’d make a run for that direction, I would grab him and say no, he’d throw himself on the ground and scream. Then repeat. It’s just such a bummer because he completely missed out on getting any exercise or having any fun in our whole outing. He just will not give up. This went on for 90 minutes.

Similarly we have a pool outside (we don’t live in DC), and he constantly throws things in it. Each time he throws something in we remove him from the area and put him in time out but then the INSTANT he has access to the pool area again it starts all over.

The idea of just ignoring the tantrum or walking away has never made sense to me. If I do that, DD will continue the destructive behavior or move onto something else more destructive. He also engages in self harm behaviors (hitting head and putting things in his mouth), so I literally cannot take eyes off of him for even a moment.

Ds can also reach up onto the counters and constantly grabs everything and smashes it. He’s just so fast and destructive. Our older child wasn’t like this so I don’t know what to do.

You’re not alone, OP. We’ve had developmental evaluations and also an autism evaluation and they don’t think autism, but he does have some developmental and speech delays.

PP-I bolded a few things that stood out to me. In the park example, perhaps after it became clear that DS would not stay away from the area you wanted him to, you should have took him and left. Why set him up for failure for 90 minutes?

With the pool-you could remove everything that you are not ok with being tossed in. He really should not have access to the pool area anyways (for water safety) so maybe you should only have pool toys or nothing at all in the area, that he could toss. Or don't let him near the pool.

You've got to outthink him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t want to hijack OP’s thread, but I have a DS who is similar.

Example: today we were at the park. There was a homeless man who was acting a bit odd so I was restricting DS to one sector of the park. Ds spent almost the whole time we were at the park trying to get over to the sector where he was not allowed. Literally he’d make a run for that direction, I would grab him and say no, he’d throw himself on the ground and scream. Then repeat. It’s just such a bummer because he completely missed out on getting any exercise or having any fun in our whole outing. He just will not give up. This went on for 90 minutes.

Similarly we have a pool outside (we don’t live in DC), and he constantly throws things in it. Each time he throws something in we remove him from the area and put him in time out but then the INSTANT he has access to the pool area again it starts all over.

The idea of just ignoring the tantrum or walking away has never made sense to me. If I do that, DD will continue the destructive behavior or move onto something else more destructive. He also engages in self harm behaviors (hitting head and putting things in his mouth), so I literally cannot take eyes off of him for even a moment.

Ds can also reach up onto the counters and constantly grabs everything and smashes it. He’s just so fast and destructive. Our older child wasn’t like this so I don’t know what to do.

You’re not alone, OP. We’ve had developmental evaluations and also an autism evaluation and they don’t think autism, but he does have some developmental and speech delays.

PP-I bolded a few things that stood out to me. In the park example, perhaps after it became clear that DS would not stay away from the area you wanted him to, you should have took him and left. Why set him up for failure for 90 minutes?

With the pool-you could remove everything that you are not ok with being tossed in. He really should not have access to the pool area anyways (for water safety) so maybe you should only have pool toys or nothing at all in the area, that he could toss. Or don't let him near the pool.

You've got to outthink him.

I’m the PP. Part of why we stayed at the park so long is my other child was enjoying our time there, and I didn’t want him to be punished because his younger brother was misbehaving.

The pool is in our backyard, and immediately adjacent to the play area with the trampoline, swings and their playground. The things DS throws in the pool are mostly rocks and sticks and leaves. The only option would be to not let him into the backyard at all-which would mean no swing or swing set, and would also mean my other DS wouldn’t get the chance to play back there.

Thankfully both kids are excellent swimmers but regardless they are never allowed near the pool unsupervised.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you could put up a cheap temporary fence-not for water safety, but just to keep him away from the pool when outside. Like 'cattle mesh'-you could do that for a hundred bucks probably and just take it down when he's older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Maybe you could put up a cheap temporary fence-not for water safety, but just to keep him away from the pool when outside. Like 'cattle mesh'-you could do that for a hundred bucks probably and just take it down when he's older.

I appreciate the suggestion. I think what me and the OP are trying to do is illustrate how difficult our kids are through these examples. I could install mesh fence or a get a different pool fence. But that doesn’t solve the overall problem-which is that my 2 yo is a total handful. Other things he does:
-throws things in the toilet
-takes toys and bangs them into the windows, hard enough that I’m afraid they’ll shatter
-dumps food on the floor (also throws food). My other child had stopped this by this age
-climbs into the dishwasher any chance he gets

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Maybe you could put up a cheap temporary fence-not for water safety, but just to keep him away from the pool when outside. Like 'cattle mesh'-you could do that for a hundred bucks probably and just take it down when he's older.

I appreciate the suggestion. I think what me and the OP are trying to do is illustrate how difficult our kids are through these examples. I could install mesh fence or a get a different pool fence. But that doesn’t solve the overall problem-which is that my 2 yo is a total handful. Other things he does:
-throws things in the toilet
-takes toys and bangs them into the windows, hard enough that I’m afraid they’ll shatter
-dumps food on the floor (also throws food). My other child had stopped this by this age
-climbs into the dishwasher any chance he gets

OP here- it's funny because one of the best ways I can illustrate my dd's personality is that she is basically un-containable. My friends would talk about how they would put their babies in a large playpen or cordoned off area so they could cook or whatever. It boggled my mind because my DD would just HOWL if she was contained and spend the whole time trying to break the structure down. We were never even able to use a high chair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Maybe you could put up a cheap temporary fence-not for water safety, but just to keep him away from the pool when outside. Like 'cattle mesh'-you could do that for a hundred bucks probably and just take it down when he's older.

I appreciate the suggestion. I think what me and the OP are trying to do is illustrate how difficult our kids are through these examples. I could install mesh fence or a get a different pool fence. But that doesn’t solve the overall problem-which is that my 2 yo is a total handful. Other things he does:
-throws things in the toilet
-takes toys and bangs them into the windows, hard enough that I’m afraid they’ll shatter
-dumps food on the floor (also throws food). My other child had stopped this by this age
-climbs into the dishwasher any chance he gets

I get it- I really do. I'm making these suggestions from experience, lol. I had a 2 yo who would throw things in the toilet, and in the kitchen trash can-especially things like the remotes and car keys. I had to outthink that kid!

-I had a toilet lid lock.
-the trash can lived behind a baby gate when we were not in the kitchen.
-I hung the keys up high!
-I put command brand velcro on the remote back and high on the wall and kept them there. Yes it looked funny. I also didn't use a coffee table in my living room for years because that was his launching pad haha.

My kid didn't climb in the dishwasher but I think they make latches to keep it closed. Dumping food is normal for 2 year olds. Just don't put much on his plate at once, minimize it. I get that the toy on window banging is scary but I've never actually heard of a kid busting out windows with normal kid toys. If it's one or two particular toys, put those away.

This does pass! The toilet lock, gates and velcro are long gone, and I have a coffee table. You just have to stay one step ahead of your busy one!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t follow parenting advice for neurotypical kids

This. I have a stubborn explosive ES child. Timeouts and 123 Magic are the absolute wrong approach for my kid. Our pediatrician agrees.

I like the ah-ha parenting website (peaceful parenting). I have a copy of Explosive Child but haven't made time to read it, I should.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t want to hijack OP’s thread, but I have a DS who is similar.

Example: today we were at the park. There was a homeless man who was acting a bit odd so I was restricting DS to one sector of the park. Ds spent almost the whole time we were at the park trying to get over to the sector where he was not allowed. Literally he’d make a run for that direction, I would grab him and say no, he’d throw himself on the ground and scream. Then repeat. It’s just such a bummer because he completely missed out on getting any exercise or having any fun in our whole outing. He just will not give up. This went on for 90 minutes.

Similarly we have a pool outside (we don’t live in DC), and he constantly throws things in it. Each time he throws something in we remove him from the area and put him in time out but then the INSTANT he has access to the pool area again it starts all over.

The idea of just ignoring the tantrum or walking away has never made sense to me. If I do that, DD will continue the destructive behavior or move onto something else more destructive. He also engages in self harm behaviors (hitting head and putting things in his mouth), so I literally cannot take eyes off of him for even a moment.

Ds can also reach up onto the counters and constantly grabs everything and smashes it. He’s just so fast and destructive. Our older child wasn’t like this so I don’t know what to do.

You’re not alone, OP. We’ve had developmental evaluations and also an autism evaluation and they don’t think autism, but he does have some developmental and speech delays.

My middle DD was like that. The only thing that worked was basically tell her a max of two times. So for your park example, if I had to chase him down once after having told him no, I would have said we would leave if he did it again. And then we would leave. It's really inconvenient and I would always need to think of something else fun for her siblings to do so they wouldn't resent her, but it's worth it for the change in behavior. If you have a spouse, that helps with the siblings because then one of you can stay and the other goes home.