Tips for kids who are "handfuls"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- the milk thing is because she would drink 40oz of milk a day if allowed and not touch food. It's been an ongoing issues with her ped. We have finally been able to get it to a manageable amount if we are strict with the 3x a day rule. Then she knows milk is coming if she waits.


We really have very few rules. She can eat anywhere in the house, as long as she's not lying down. She picks out her clothes and doesn't have to change if she doesn't want to. We use Ellyn Satter method for food and don't comment on what she eats, ever. She gets to choose what she wants for breakfast and lunch and snack time, she's allowed snacks whenever.


Some kids are just...like this. It's not about my control issues. I will say, she is incredibly smart. She knows her abcs, numbers etc by sight, can count to 20, say 4 word sentences. Maybe she's bored?

I will check out the explosive child. I had bad anxiety as a kid, but that was more due to families circumstances, could this be anxiety?

Yes, this is what anxiety looks like in young kids. Read the explosive child and consider taking Dan Shapiro’s class I think it is the Parent Child Journey. You should also consider if your own anxiety may be returning in a different form. The rules/ expectations you’ve mentioned seem a bit rigid and that can stem from your own anxiety due to the previous health issues.

OP- I literally didn't list a single rule except she can't eat lying down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I prefer The Explosive Child instead of 1 2 3 Magic. Have tried both and The Explosive Child works better for my explosive child.

I love the Explosive child but my intense kid didn’t have the language for it as a new two year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- the milk thing is because she would drink 40oz of milk a day if allowed and not touch food. It's been an ongoing issues with her ped. We have finally been able to get it to a manageable amount if we are strict with the 3x a day rule. Then she knows milk is coming if she waits.


We really have very few rules. She can eat anywhere in the house, as long as she's not lying down. She picks out her clothes and doesn't have to change if she doesn't want to. We use Ellyn Satter method for food and don't comment on what she eats, ever. She gets to choose what she wants for breakfast and lunch and snack time, she's allowed snacks whenever.


Some kids are just...like this. It's not about my control issues. I will say, she is incredibly smart. She knows her abcs, numbers etc by sight, can count to 20, say 4 word sentences. Maybe she's bored?

I will check out the explosive child. I had bad anxiety as a kid, but that was more due to families circumstances, could this be anxiety?

You say you do Ellen Satter but you describe the exact opposite of Ellen Satter.

DOR was really important for my intense kid.

I do think what you describe sounds like anxiety, and more structure in general might help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- the milk thing is because she would drink 40oz of milk a day if allowed and not touch food. It's been an ongoing issues with her ped. We have finally been able to get it to a manageable amount if we are strict with the 3x a day rule. Then she knows milk is coming if she waits.


We really have very few rules. She can eat anywhere in the house, as long as she's not lying down. She picks out her clothes and doesn't have to change if she doesn't want to. We use Ellyn Satter method for food and don't comment on what she eats, ever. She gets to choose what she wants for breakfast and lunch and snack time, she's allowed snacks whenever.


Some kids are just...like this. It's not about my control issues. I will say, she is incredibly smart. She knows her abcs, numbers etc by sight, can count to 20, say 4 word sentences. Maybe she's bored?

I will check out the explosive child. I had bad anxiety as a kid, but that was more due to families circumstances, could this be anxiety?

You say you do Ellen Satter but you describe the exact opposite of Ellen Satter.

DOR was really important for my intense kid.

I do think what you describe sounds like anxiety, and more structure in general might help.

Haha love it. So my rules are too rigid but I also need more structure. This isn't directed at you- just DCUM.

Not sure what you mean by the opposite of ellyn satter. We provide the food and she can chose if she eats it. Do you mean the milk thing?

[Anonymous]

I don’t want to hijack OP’s thread, but I have a DS who is similar.

Example: today we were at the park. There was a homeless man who was acting a bit odd so I was restricting DS to one sector of the park. Ds spent almost the whole time we were at the park trying to get over to the sector where he was not allowed. Literally he’d make a run for that direction, I would grab him and say no, he’d throw himself on the ground and scream. Then repeat. It’s just such a bummer because he completely missed out on getting any exercise or having any fun in our whole outing. He just will not give up. This went on for 90 minutes.

Similarly we have a pool outside (we don’t live in DC), and he constantly throws things in it. Each time he throws something in we remove him from the area and put him in time out but then the INSTANT he has access to the pool area again it starts all over.

The idea of just ignoring the tantrum or walking away has never made sense to me. If I do that, DD will continue the destructive behavior or move onto something else more destructive. He also engages in self harm behaviors (hitting head and putting things in his mouth), so I literally cannot take eyes off of him for even a moment.

Ds can also reach up onto the counters and constantly grabs everything and smashes it. He’s just so fast and destructive. Our older child wasn’t like this so I don’t know what to do.

You’re not alone, OP. We’ve had developmental evaluations and also an autism evaluation and they don’t think autism, but he does have some developmental and speech delays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- the milk thing is because she would drink 40oz of milk a day if allowed and not touch food. It's been an ongoing issues with her ped. We have finally been able to get it to a manageable amount if we are strict with the 3x a day rule. Then she knows milk is coming if she waits.


We really have very few rules. She can eat anywhere in the house, as long as she's not lying down. She picks out her clothes and doesn't have to change if she doesn't want to. We use Ellyn Satter method for food and don't comment on what she eats, ever. She gets to choose what she wants for breakfast and lunch and snack time, she's allowed snacks whenever.


Some kids are just...like this. It's not about my control issues. I will say, she is incredibly smart. She knows her abcs, numbers etc by sight, can count to 20, say 4 word sentences. Maybe she's bored?

I will check out the explosive child. I had bad anxiety as a kid, but that was more due to families circumstances, could this be anxiety?

You say you do Ellen Satter but you describe the exact opposite of Ellen Satter.

DOR was really important for my intense kid.

I do think what you describe sounds like anxiety, and more structure in general might help.

Haha love it. So my rules are too rigid but I also need more structure. This isn't directed at you- just DCUM.

Not sure what you mean by the opposite of ellyn satter. We provide the food and she can chose if she eats it. Do you mean the milk thing?

Different people are going to tell you different things.

Kids choosing what they eat at meals or choosing when to have snacks or eating wherever isn’t DOR. With DOR you choose when meals and snacks happen and what is served, the kid chooses from what is served and can have as much as they want.

I am not saying DOR is what you need but I don’t think you can say you are doing it. I also think that if you aren’t doing any of the structure parts of DOR it might speak to a lack of structure in general.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- the milk thing is because she would drink 40oz of milk a day if allowed and not touch food. It's been an ongoing issues with her ped. We have finally been able to get it to a manageable amount if we are strict with the 3x a day rule. Then she knows milk is coming if she waits.


We really have very few rules. She can eat anywhere in the house, as long as she's not lying down. She picks out her clothes and doesn't have to change if she doesn't want to. We use Ellyn Satter method for food and don't comment on what she eats, ever. She gets to choose what she wants for breakfast and lunch and snack time, she's allowed snacks whenever.


Some kids are just...like this. It's not about my control issues. I will say, she is incredibly smart. She knows her abcs, numbers etc by sight, can count to 20, say 4 word sentences. Maybe she's bored?

I will check out the explosive child. I had bad anxiety as a kid, but that was more due to families circumstances, could this be anxiety?

You say you do Ellen Satter but you describe the exact opposite of Ellen Satter.

DOR was really important for my intense kid.

I do think what you describe sounds like anxiety, and more structure in general might help.

Haha love it. So my rules are too rigid but I also need more structure. This isn't directed at you- just DCUM.

Not sure what you mean by the opposite of ellyn satter. We provide the food and she can chose if she eats it. Do you mean the milk thing?

Different people are going to tell you different things.

Kids choosing what they eat at meals or choosing when to have snacks or eating wherever isn’t DOR. With DOR you choose when meals and snacks happen and what is served, the kid chooses from what is served and can have as much as they want.

I am not saying DOR is what you need but I don’t think you can say you are doing it. I also think that if you aren’t doing any of the structure parts of DOR it might speak to a lack of structure in general.

I think you are confused about what I'm saying- I provide the food and chose can chose what to eat as in she can decide if she eats and how much. We eat at 7, 12 and 6. It's not like I ask her hey what would you like for lunch today. She is allowed snacks if she asks for them but doesn't ask that often.

[Anonymous]

My dd had crazy meltdowns at 2. A lot of friends tried to help and give advice, but kids are so different—their advice just didn’t work for my kid. She has anxiety which caused a lot of the rigidity and meltdowns. Here’s what helped:

Promote sleep, don’t let her stay up too late
High protein and fat foods, especially breakfast and snacks
Good routines
Therapy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dd had crazy meltdowns at 2. A lot of friends tried to help and give advice, but kids are so different—their advice just didn’t work for my kid. She has anxiety which caused a lot of the rigidity and meltdowns. Here’s what helped:

Promote sleep, don’t let her stay up too late
High protein and fat foods, especially breakfast and snacks
Good routines
Therapy

Thank you! What age did you start therapy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- the milk thing is because she would drink 40oz of milk a day if allowed and not touch food. It's been an ongoing issues with her ped. We have finally been able to get it to a manageable amount if we are strict with the 3x a day rule. Then she knows milk is coming if she waits.


We really have very few rules. She can eat anywhere in the house, as long as she's not lying down. She picks out her clothes and doesn't have to change if she doesn't want to. We use Ellyn Satter method for food and don't comment on what she eats, ever. She gets to choose what she wants for breakfast and lunch and snack time, she's allowed snacks whenever.


Some kids are just...like this. It's not about my control issues. I will say, she is incredibly smart. She knows her abcs, numbers etc by sight, can count to 20, say 4 word sentences. Maybe she's bored?

I will check out the explosive child. I had bad anxiety as a kid, but that was more due to families circumstances, could this be anxiety?

You say you do Ellen Satter but you describe the exact opposite of Ellen Satter.

DOR was really important for my intense kid.

I do think what you describe sounds like anxiety, and more structure in general might help.

Haha love it. So my rules are too rigid but I also need more structure. This isn't directed at you- just DCUM.

Not sure what you mean by the opposite of ellyn satter. We provide the food and she can chose if she eats it. Do you mean the milk thing?

Different people are going to tell you different things.

Kids choosing what they eat at meals or choosing when to have snacks or eating wherever isn’t DOR. With DOR you choose when meals and snacks happen and what is served, the kid chooses from what is served and can have as much as they want.

I am not saying DOR is what you need but I don’t think you can say you are doing it. I also think that if you aren’t doing any of the structure parts of DOR it might speak to a lack of structure in general.

I think you are confused about what I'm saying- I provide the food and chose can chose what to eat as in she can decide if she eats and how much. We eat at 7, 12 and 6. It's not like I ask her hey what would you like for lunch today. She is allowed snacks if she asks for them but doesn't ask that often.

Where does she can eat wherever she wants fit in? DOR would have you add 3 snacks seated at the table.

[Anonymous]

Parents’ feeding jobs:
• Choose and prepare the food.
• Provide regular meals and snacks.
• Make eating times pleasant.
• Step-by-step, show children by example
how to behave at family mealtime.
• Be considerate of children’s lack of food
experience without catering to likes and
dislikes.
• Not let children have food or beverages
(except for water) between meal and
snack times.
• Let children grow up to get bodies that
are right for them.

Children’s eating jobs:
• Children will eat.
• They will eat the amount they need. • They will learn to eat the food their
parents eat.
• They will grow predictably.
• They will learn to behave well at
mealtime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- the milk thing is because she would drink 40oz of milk a day if allowed and not touch food. It's been an ongoing issues with her ped. We have finally been able to get it to a manageable amount if we are strict with the 3x a day rule. Then she knows milk is coming if she waits.


We really have very few rules. She can eat anywhere in the house, as long as she's not lying down. She picks out her clothes and doesn't have to change if she doesn't want to. We use Ellyn Satter method for food and don't comment on what she eats, ever. She gets to choose what she wants for breakfast and lunch and snack time, she's allowed snacks whenever.


Some kids are just...like this. It's not about my control issues. I will say, she is incredibly smart. She knows her abcs, numbers etc by sight, can count to 20, say 4 word sentences. Maybe she's bored?

I will check out the explosive child. I had bad anxiety as a kid, but that was more due to families circumstances, could this be anxiety?

You say you do Ellen Satter but you describe the exact opposite of Ellen Satter.

DOR was really important for my intense kid.

I do think what you describe sounds like anxiety, and more structure in general might help.

Haha love it. So my rules are too rigid but I also need more structure. This isn't directed at you- just DCUM.

Not sure what you mean by the opposite of ellyn satter. We provide the food and she can chose if she eats it. Do you mean the milk thing?

Different people are going to tell you different things.

Kids choosing what they eat at meals or choosing when to have snacks or eating wherever isn’t DOR. With DOR you choose when meals and snacks happen and what is served, the kid chooses from what is served and can have as much as they want.

I am not saying DOR is what you need but I don’t think you can say you are doing it. I also think that if you aren’t doing any of the structure parts of DOR it might speak to a lack of structure in general.

I think you are confused about what I'm saying- I provide the food and chose can chose what to eat as in she can decide if she eats and how much. We eat at 7, 12 and 6. It's not like I ask her hey what would you like for lunch today. She is allowed snacks if she asks for them but doesn't ask that often.

Where does she can eat wherever she wants fit in? DOR would have you add 3 snacks seated at the table.

We eat breakfast lunch and dinner together as a family, thanks to the pandemic. At the table. She can eat her raisins in the backyard for all I care.

[Anonymous]

Why are we talking so much about how OP Feeds her child? Can we get back to the subject matter at hand?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are we talking so much about how OP Feeds her child? Can we get back to the subject matter at hand?

Typical DCUM to zero in on the non-issue.

Op, my oldest was like this. It turned out to be some food sensitivities. For him it was dyes and refined sugar. Back in the early 90's before it was really recognized.

Can you see a pattern between what/when she eats and the meltdowns?

My ds also has anxiety. Good routines and a calm approach helped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would let go of rules like the milk rule. Ask yourself what the essential rules are in your house and enforce those (the essential ones are probably about safety, not about how often she gets milk). Your daughter might be having trouble with too many rules.

There is nothing wrong with that rule. Kids who get too much milk get constipation and iron deficiency anemia. In any case, I could tell my son "no milk, you get water" at any time and never get such a strange reaction

OP your kid's behavior sounds outside the normal range. I would get help