Parents expecting kids to be their retirement?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is pretty common in Asian cultures. We have friends born in both China and Korea who took in and supported their parents, but they don't expect their first generation American children to do the same. That said, at least at the beginning they also got free labor. The parents acted like nannies, cooked and made meals so if you take into account the number of years they did that, they paid for part of their retirement with free work.

+1

Can you imagine what that free help would have cost, if they had to pay for it? I don't think people who have free help often realize how lucky they really are, and how many tens or hundreds of thousands they are saving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is pretty common in Asian cultures. We have friends born in both China and Korea who took in and supported their parents, but they don't expect their first generation American children to do the same. That said, at least at the beginning they also got free labor. The parents acted like nannies, cooked and made meals so if you take into account the number of years they did that, they paid for part of their retirement with free work.

How old are the parents when they are providing this “free labor”? My own parents have jobs that they enjoy- I don’t see them retiring before they’re about 70 or so, and that seems to be too old an age to expect them to be nannies and cooks.

I feel like it would be kind of unfeeling (and disrespectful) of me to expect my 70-some year old parents to provide household services for me for free. They’ve worked hard all their lives; when they retire, they’ll deserve to relax and enjoy each other’s company.

Also from Asian immigrant family here--we had kids late so parents were on verge of retirement and helped care for our kids through their 70s until they fell into ill health. They were highly educated, and had done a lot of travel and had professional jobs. But culturally--and also the practice of our families--was that of course family would be the first caregivers. I think in the 5 love languages it's the "service" model of love. When my grandmother fell ill at the end of life she was cared for around the clock by her kids--at least two of them were in the house with her 24 hours a day for almost two months. Yes, there are drawbacks to having family do the care, and yes, the burden disproportionately falls on women in many cases. But not having to worry that your money will run out and you will be alone and among strangers at the end of life..that's worth a lot. It's a different model, with its pros and its cons.

Wow - you inspired me to look up the (5) Love Languages, and my MIL isn't any of them. How sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is pretty common in Asian cultures. We have friends born in both China and Korea who took in and supported their parents, but they don't expect their first generation American children to do the same. That said, at least at the beginning they also got free labor. The parents acted like nannies, cooked and made meals so if you take into account the number of years they did that, they paid for part of their retirement with free work.

+1

Can you imagine what that free help would have cost, if they had to pay for it? I don't think people who have free help often realize how lucky they really are, and how many tens or hundreds of thousands they are saving.

This. Im russian and our family is the same. While my parents are lucky to have been able to build good careers and savings after immigrating, if need be i will have them live with us either in our house or buy a bigger house for all. Same with my inlaws. My mom has helped us so much with the kids and making meals and before that paying for my college and wedding etc. Pre-covid they took the preschooler for weekend the weekend and sent her home with hot lunch meal for the week and maybe a favorite dish of mine just for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Indian MIL has referred to my DH as her ‘cash cow’ I guess the answer would be yes.

First time I ever heard of that term.

I am a foreigner and I jokingly call my kid my meal ticket. That said, my plan is to get subsidized housing and free state medical care, as well as food stamps. The kid will hopefully treat me to nice things but I am not planning on him supporting me.

Are you trying to save for retirement or are you just planning to get the government to support you? What country is this in?

I’m happy that we have government programs to help those who have no resources, but I’m not sure it’s a good idea to just plan for and expect government support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Indian MIL has referred to my DH as her ‘cash cow’ I guess the answer would be yes.

First time I ever heard of that term.

I am a foreigner and I jokingly call my kid my meal ticket. That said, my plan is to get subsidized housing and free state medical care, as well as food stamps. The kid will hopefully treat me to nice things but I am not planning on him supporting me.

Are you trying to save for retirement or are you just planning to get the government to support you? What country is this in?

I’m happy that we have government programs to help those who have no resources, but I’m not sure it’s a good idea to just plan for and expect government support.

I won’t be able to save much anyway.