Parents expecting kids to be their retirement?

[Anonymous]

This is foreign to me, I was adopted by a older couple who passed while I was in college.

She mentioned her retirement plan was to marry rich, or live with one of her kids as retirement. Having witnessed caregiving duties in high school I wouldn’t want to do this personally.

MIL is a lovely women who was a single mother, who climbed the “ranks”to a pretty comfortable salary rather recently (now 50).
(Correctional Officer -> Director of Admissions ~3ys)

DH has asked her multiple times to start saving, and the oldest has refused to help with retirement. Since she’s refused, he’s thinking about splitting contributions (from siblings) for her. Which is middle of the road, I guess?

How have you “helped” with a parents retirement of 0$?
Or has anyone’s mother successfully married wealthy at >50?

[Anonymous]

I helped my mom by treating her to dinners, outings, and vacations. Otherwise, she was independent. I was thrilled to do it. Lost her 3 years ago. My dad died young.

[Anonymous]

My spouse and I are saving so that we can pay for a possibly long retirement, since you can’t know how long you’ll need to be supporting yourself after working days.

I can’t imagine expecting our kids to support us- they’ll need to be saving to fund their future retirements. My spouse and I both come from families where our parents were highly responsible and saved enough to pay for nice, but not luxurious, retirements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse and I are saving so that we can pay for a possibly long retirement, since you can’t know how long you’ll need to be supporting yourself after working days.

I can’t imagine expecting our kids to support us- they’ll need to be saving to fund their future retirements. My spouse and I both come from families where our parents were highly responsible and saved enough to pay for nice, but not luxurious, retirements.

We’ve been saving since we’ve graduated, so we’ll be set as long as we continue on this path. We adopted a 17 yr old, so our kid expenses are low, and savings are high which is why I think he’s asking the other siblings to contribute but they make no where near what he makes. So expecting them, and him quite frankly is a bit unfair.

[Anonymous]

My nightmare would be to be a burden to my kids... financial or otherwise.I’m scrimping and saving so

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nightmare would be to be a burden to my kids... financial or otherwise.I’m scrimping and saving so

Accidentally hit submit! Meant to say so that never happens.

[Anonymous]

Your MIL needs to be told repeatedly that she needs to provide for herself in her retirement, and her children should have access to her accounts and help her plan.

My in-laws are a very closely bonded family who trust each other, and my husband and his siblings managed their parents' money for decades, to ensure that they (now just MIL) could live on their retirement money. My MIL needs social and emotional support and practical help, but she can live on her own money, all thanks to this team effort.

[Anonymous]

Did she pay for your DH's college?

[Anonymous]

Less than a hundred years ago and before, it was what people did.

[Anonymous]

It is pretty common in Asian cultures. We have friends born in both China and Korea who took in and supported their parents, but they don't expect their first generation American children to do the same. That said, at least at the beginning they also got free labor. The parents acted like nannies, cooked and made meals so if you take into account the number of years they did that, they paid for part of their retirement with free work.

[Anonymous]

This is a conversation you need to have with your husband, not DH. Personally, I had decent, hardworking lower middle class parents and if I had the funds I’d be happy to help with their retirements (If I didn’t have the money, then I’d prioritize my kids’ college and my own retirement). But if you don’t want to contribute, talk to your DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a conversation you need to have with your husband, not DH. Personally, I had decent, hardworking lower middle class parents and if I had the funds I’d be happy to help with their retirements (If I didn’t have the money, then I’d prioritize my kids’ college and my own retirement). But if you don’t want to contribute, talk to your DH.

Sorry, I meant to say to have the conversation with your husband, not dcum.

[Anonymous]

Won’t she get a pension if she works at a prison?

[Anonymous]

My Indian MIL has referred to my DH as her ‘cash cow’ I guess the answer would be yes.

First time I ever heard of that term.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse and I are saving so that we can pay for a possibly long retirement, since you can’t know how long you’ll need to be supporting yourself after working days.

I can’t imagine expecting our kids to support us- they’ll need to be saving to fund their future retirements. My spouse and I both come from families where our parents were highly responsible and saved enough to pay for nice, but not luxurious, retirements.

+1 Although neither of my parents, now divorced, saved well for retirement. My mom was lucky and inherited a good bit of money, and my dad scrapes by. We're not supporting our parents in retirement, and we sure as hell don't expect our kids to support us, barring some kind of catastrophe. Essentially, we're not passing the buck of our parents not saving enough onto our children.