Parents expecting kids to be their retirement?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Less than a hundred years ago and before, it was what people did.

Some people/cultures still do this. They put all of their money into their kid, paying for school, weddings, down payments on houses, with the expectation to move in and be cared for by their adult child. It's just a different way of going about things. Spouses should be made aware of the expected obligation and set up before marriage. My good friend was fine with it, and happily has made room for her MIL to be part of her immediate family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Won’t she get a pension if she works at a prison?

She left the prison to work in Admissions, at a college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did she pay for your DH's college?

No, he was the first to go to college and helped his younger siblings after.

Oldest didn’t go until DH went.

[Anonymous]

Just to add because we’re both pretty upset about it. She works at a degree mill, she talked a couple of her kids into going to her University and now they’re in TONS of debt.

I’m not even sure they’ll have money to contribute. (Why oldest doesn’t want to contribute, pretty much)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just to add because we’re both pretty upset about it. She works at a degree mill, she talked a couple of her kids into going to her University and now they’re in TONS of debt.

I’m not even sure they’ll have money to contribute. (Why oldest doesn’t want to contribute, pretty much)

That really sucks!
These schools are like poison.

[Anonymous]

OP, when you write "she" the very first time, are we supposed to know who that "she" is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse and I are saving so that we can pay for a possibly long retirement, since you can’t know how long you’ll need to be supporting yourself after working days.

I can’t imagine expecting our kids to support us- they’ll need to be saving to fund their future retirements. My spouse and I both come from families where our parents were highly responsible and saved enough to pay for nice, but not luxurious, retirements.

We’ve been saving since we’ve graduated, so we’ll be set as long as we continue on this path. We adopted a 17 yr old, so our kid expenses are low, and savings are high which is why I think he’s asking the other siblings to contribute but they make no where near what he makes. So expecting them, and him quite frankly is a bit unfair.

Is your MIL not saving at all? How old is she?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is pretty common in Asian cultures. We have friends born in both China and Korea who took in and supported their parents, but they don't expect their first generation American children to do the same. That said, at least at the beginning they also got free labor. The parents acted like nannies, cooked and made meals so if you take into account the number of years they did that, they paid for part of their retirement with free work.

How old are the parents when they are providing this “free labor”? My own parents have jobs that they enjoy- I don’t see them retiring before they’re about 70 or so, and that seems to be too old an age to expect them to be nannies and cooks.

I feel like it would be kind of unfeeling (and disrespectful) of me to expect my 70-some year old parents to provide household services for me for free. They’ve worked hard all their lives; when they retire, they’ll deserve to relax and enjoy each other’s company.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse and I are saving so that we can pay for a possibly long retirement, since you can’t know how long you’ll need to be supporting yourself after working days.

I can’t imagine expecting our kids to support us- they’ll need to be saving to fund their future retirements. My spouse and I both come from families where our parents were highly responsible and saved enough to pay for nice, but not luxurious, retirements.

We’ve been saving since we’ve graduated, so we’ll be set as long as we continue on this path. We adopted a 17 yr old, so our kid expenses are low, and savings are high which is why I think he’s asking the other siblings to contribute but they make no where near what he makes. So expecting them, and him quite frankly is a bit unfair.

Is your MIL not saving at all? How old is she?

Not one cent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Won’t she get a pension if she works at a prison?

She left the prison to work in Admissions, at a college.

How long did she work at the prison?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Won’t she get a pension if she works at a prison?

She left the prison to work in Admissions, at a college.

How long did she work at the prison?

~10-15 ys, but she was fired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a conversation you need to have with your husband, not DH. Personally, I had decent, hardworking lower middle class parents and if I had the funds I’d be happy to help with their retirements (If I didn’t have the money, then I’d prioritize my kids’ college and my own retirement). But if you don’t want to contribute, talk to your DH.

Yes I have other priorities. Helping siblings exiting the system, ~ 4 years after high school. And pretty much anything else they NEED, to help them stay on the right track.(as you can imagine those years are fragile). But it hasn’t been elder care kind of $$$$. Eats into time, and stress more than anything.

And honestly I really see her through rosy glasses, she was a hard working single mom ;at the time that could have been considered working poor. She kept her family together when my mom couldn’t. But also, she could be making better financial decisions, she’s living wayy beyond her means while not saving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Less than a hundred years ago and before, it was what people did.

Yes, and there was no such thing as health insurance; people died from lack of money for healthcare; and people deemed senior citizens at that time died in their sixties.

Your point?

[Anonymous]

My mother didn't work until I was in high school and divorced my father when she was in her 50's. She is educated but for many reasons, she couldn't jump start a career and never made much money. She got alimony and a sizeable life insurance pay out when my father died but since she retired, I've had to help. I pay for her car, outings and I give her an allowance to help supplement her social security and small retirement. She's independent and owns her house but I expect as she ages, she'll have to come live with us. I do this because she has worked hard and has been dealt some hard blows. I want her to be happy and comfortable.

[Anonymous]

In the USA adult children are LEGALLY responsible for the care of their elderly parents.