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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It is pretty common in Asian cultures. We have friends born in both China and Korea who took in and supported their parents, but they don't expect their first generation American children to do the same. That said, at least at the beginning they also got free labor. The parents acted like nannies, cooked and made meals so if you take into account the number of years they did that, they paid for part of their retirement with free work.[/quote]

How old are the parents when they are providing this “free labor”? My own parents have jobs that they enjoy- I don’t see them retiring before they’re about 70 or so, and that seems to be too old an age to expect them to be nannies and cooks.

I feel like it would be kind of unfeeling (and disrespectful) of me to expect my 70-some year old parents to provide household services for me for free. They’ve worked hard all their lives; when they retire, they’ll deserve to relax and enjoy each other’s company. 
[/quote]

Also from Asian immigrant family here--we had kids late so parents were on verge of retirement and helped care for our kids through their 70s until they fell into ill health. They were highly educated, and had done a lot of travel and had professional jobs. But culturally--and also the practice of our families--was that of course family would be the first caregivers. I think in the 5 love languages it's the "service" model of love. When my grandmother fell ill at the end of life she was cared for around the clock by her kids--at least two of them were in the house with her 24 hours a day for almost two months. Yes, there are drawbacks to having family do the care, and yes, the burden disproportionately falls on women in many cases. But not having to worry that your money will run out and you will be alone and among strangers at the end of life..that's worth a lot.  It's a different model, with its pros and its cons. [/quote]

Wow - you inspired me to look up the (5) Love Languages, and my MIL isn't any of them. How sad. [/quote]

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