Wife is just unimaginative with food and prefers to eat crap...at my wits’ end

[Anonymous]

I would gently speak to her about your desire to have the kids learn to make and eat healthy foods. Please, approach it from a WE position. I'd like US to work with the kids, I'd like US to start trying some healthy recipes. Be willing to work with her and be her partner. At the end of the day they are still your kids and if she won't participate I'd do my best to take on more of the cooking for the sake of my kid's health.

[Anonymous]

About the gender issue, once I watched a show (I forget what it was exactly but savannah Guthrie was the interviewer) where some therapist helped working moms and stay at home dads figure things out, and one of the big pieces of advice to the moms was to stop criticizing how their husbands did things. Women were driving themselves nuts by freaking out over the fact that their husbands served the kids hot dogs, and they just needed to let it go.

So no it’s not a gender issue at all.

We can all do better with all parenting things but partners need to support and love each other, not criticize.

[Anonymous]

I hate cooking and most of the stuff I make isn’t great either. But I have learned a new tactic to eat veggies. Every afternoon, I set out a big plate of mini carrots, grape tomatoes, cucumbers, pepper etc. Now we’re all eating more veggies, even the super picky kid (carrots only but whatever). I like hummus to go with it.

I also love fast food but I tie it to extra activity for oldest and limit it to no more than 1x per week at most. I spend a lot having Sweetgteens delivered too. Worth it because left to my own devices, I just gravitate towards the junk.

[Anonymous]

And don’t so the food subscription box. Those aren’t actually terribly easy and they’re still time-consuming. Plus I don’t think little kids would be thrilled with the options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DW retired from the military and is now staying at home with our two kids -1 and 4yo. I work the night shift at my job so I’m not home for dinner. Instead of cooking at home, she will take the trouble of driving to McDonalds or BK and get fast food instead. If she does cook, it’s Mac and cheese or spaghetti with pasta sauce. No variation and it’s not healthy for our kids. She isn’t healthy either, being in her early 40s and suffering from sleep apnea due to obesity. She says “I don’t know what to cook” so I bought her a cookbook weeks ago but she is visiting the drive-thru as I post this. She grew up on a farm in the Midwest and yet doesn’t like vegetables. She refuses to learn how to use the instantpot and takes the trouble of ordering fries, burgers, and nuggets when she could be cooking real food at home. I’m shaking my head. If you’ve faced this at home, how did you manage?

YOU cook healthy food.

You start by buying vegetables at the grocery store, then you cook some healthy dinners at home. It sucks, and it’s not what you want to hear but that’s the only solution. Your wife sees nothing wrong with eating junk food everyday, you’re not going to convince her the way she’s handled food her whole life is wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What were you eating before she retired? If she just separated from the military, she had PT and H/W requirements to serve. Has she always eaten crap? Have you guys eaten crap together? This isn't new.

Now to be helpful. Mark Bittman's books on How to Cook Everything, they are great for setting up a 'system' for eating. Certain basics with interchangeable ingredients/variables.

OP again. She was in the Air Force and did eat on base for most of the time. She had a weight problem when we married but it’s gotten worse since kids. I cooked more often before she retired so all these problems were not as apparent. She seems to be perfectly fine just existing on chicken nuggets and doughnuts on a daily basis.

So if you want this to change you need to change it.

Buy a crockpot, twice a week, you make the meal so that it is ready at thier dinner time. Twice a week you make a meal that can be heated up. Let them do take out once a week, but give her ideas of healthier options.

Go to a place like Trader Joe’s and pick out some frozen meals your family might like. They are not super healthy, but better than McDonalds. And it is a step towards cooking. On weekends walk her through some super easy meals. Or create a list of easy meal that need little cooking (bread, cheese, cut up cold chicken, fruits and vegetables).

Cut up fruit and vegetables for her to put out for the kids. Make sure she knows this is for the kids. Do not focus on her or she might push back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with PPs that you need to take over cooking. If she doesn’t like healthy foods, can’t think of ideas, and isn’t interested in learning, you’re not going to make her change.

Also it’s waaaay easier to go to a drive thu than it is to completely change your habits and learn how to cook healthy foods that toddlers would be interested in. Of course she is choosing the fast food route.

This. You need to cook if you are concerned about your kids’ diet. She’s not your chef.

On what planet should the stay at home spouse not cook meals for the kids that she's taking care of. Don't be ridiculous.

In the world where the stay at home spouse does not cook and the working spouse is not happy with the options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my spouse suddenly developed obesity and sleep apnea especially after a huge life change like going from a service member to a SAHP of two little kids, I would honestly be forcing him/her to see a medical professional.

OP again. She's collecting disability for her sleep apnea so she doesn't feel a need to address this. She makes excuses about not going to the gym because of the kids so I just don't push her anymore.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she should go back to work and you ahould stay home? Otherwise, try getting family meals from Costco? Chicken salad, bags of salad, frozen dinners, pasta night, rotisserie chicken, etc.

[Anonymous]

OP, what do you do for a living? Has she expressed a desire to work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what do you do for a living? Has she expressed a desire to work?

OP again. My wife decided it was time to retire after a lengthy deployment. She has no desire to work. I am okay with that but she needs to cook real food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my spouse suddenly developed obesity and sleep apnea especially after a huge life change like going from a service member to a SAHP of two little kids, I would honestly be forcing him/her to see a medical professional.

OP again. She's collecting disability for her sleep apnea so she doesn't feel a need to address this. She makes excuses about not going to the gym because of the kids so I just don't push her anymore.

News Flash, that is a normal disability claim when you get military retirement as it gives you more money. Everyone knows that. She probably gained a lot of weight giving birth to YOUR two kids and couldn't get it off. Stop being a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what do you do for a living? Has she expressed a desire to work?

OP again. My wife decided it was time to retire after a lengthy deployment. She has no desire to work. I am okay with that but she needs to cook real food.

YOU need to cook if you don't like how she does things. She did her 20. That is more than enough as enlisted. You try serving 20 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my spouse suddenly developed obesity and sleep apnea especially after a huge life change like going from a service member to a SAHP of two little kids, I would honestly be forcing him/her to see a medical professional.

OP again. She's collecting disability for her sleep apnea so she doesn't feel a need to address this. She makes excuses about not going to the gym because of the kids so I just don't push her anymore.

Is this some sort of military disability?

[Anonymous]

You work night which means you pretty much are home all day.

Learn how to use a crockpot and make dinner.

Make food during the day they can heat up.

Seriously, what else are you going alllllll daaaaaay loooong?