Would you disown your child if they committed a serious crime?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother once told me that she would disown me if I ever broke the law.

Personally I would never. Obviously I don't think that my kids will ever break the law. If they did (God forbid), of course I would want them held accountable for their actions but could never disown them.

No. I would expect him to face the consequences. I would support him as he did. Not the crime, just the person. If that makes sense.

[Anonymous]

2 Things:

It's important to know what people are meaning when they say "disown". Stop loving? Cutting out of the will? Not visit in prison, etc?

Also, I wholeheartedly believe that there is a part of the mind/brain that can be hijacked and that the person we, as parents, raised and loved, is still inside somewhere and that can be the part that we will always love. No... no one would love the rapist/pedophile, etc., but we would still love the little boy or girl at the same time being devastated that something happened to turn them into a being that could hurt another.

So we have to differentiate what we are talking about when we say disown, as well as knowing that everyone saying they would still love this person most likely means they would still love the person they knew to be their child, not the person who committed heinous acts.

If any of that makes sense....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be devastated. I’d question my parenting and what I did wrong for the rest of my life. I’d hold them accountable and wouldn’t defend their crimes. But no I would not disown them.

This is the best and only answer.

My love for my child is unconditional. I would be so upset with myself if I created and raised a child that did something horrendous.

I would absolutely hold them accountable and not make excuses. I would accept the consequences but be devastated.

[Anonymous]

The movie "We Need to Talk about Kevin" dealt with this. I think it would be realistically hard for any parent to completely disown a kid. But that doesn't have to mean enabling or forgiving. Sometimes parents testify against their kids in court. I don't think that's the same as disowning them.

I can imagine there are crimes that I couldn't forgive or even get past. But my kid will be my kid no matter what they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Serial killer, rapist, 9-11, a Timothy Mcveigh bombing. Yes I would.

Unless you are as messed up as your offspring - Kyle Rittenhouse.

This is very different. The kid protected himself against an angry mob who were all convicted felons, including one who was sentenced to over 10 years for rapping 5 minor boys.

[Anonymous]

My aunt loves her kids but she turned them in. Her two sons committed armed robbery, police came looking for them, and she turned them in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Serial killer, rapist, 9-11, a Timothy Mcveigh bombing. Yes I would.

Unless you are as messed up as your offspring - Kyle Rittenhouse.

This is very different. The kid protected himself against an angry mob who were all convicted felons, including one who was sentenced to over 10 years for rapping 5 minor boys.

+1. I agree. Most who say this go off the media and don’t see the actual facts. I watched videos, heard testimony from the cameraman ( who didn’t know any of them), and looked at other statements. While he shouldn’t have been there as a minor, he didn’t do anything wrong. There was a direct threat to his life, and he handle that threat. He handled himself with great restraint and control. He only shot those who were attacking him, and did not shoot the others who backed off. He showed more restraint at that young age, than people decades older.

[Anonymous]

I guess it would depend on the crime. Serial killer, child rapist, there are some things that can't be forgiven by a human. I would always love the person my child was but no you can't forgive some things.

[Anonymous]

No, but then again my parents disowned me for not working as they don't feel its right I'm as SAHM (but if it wasn't for that it would have been for something else petty).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, but then again my parents disowned me for not working as they don't feel its right I'm as SAHM (but if it wasn't for that it would have been for something else petty).

I’m so sorry to hear that happened. What a ridiculous reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Serial killer, rapist, 9-11, a Timothy Mcveigh bombing. Yes I would.

Also, I would disown a child who worked worked for the Trump administration and would divorce DH of he worked for this evil man.

It’s sad that your children will never know unconditional love and acceptance. I despise trump. Thankfully, my children do as well. I would not disown them if they supported him.

Question: is there a point at which "unconditional love and acceptance" of a child becomes a crime against someone else?

Is it ethical NOT to disown someone who: raped babies, raped a sibling, murdered someone else's child, committed an act of mass terrorism, etc.?

Does NOT disowning someone who raped babies say something (bad) about your own code of ethics/worth as a human being? I think it does.

It is ethical not to disown them, more ethical than disowning them. You disown/hate their behavior but recognize every person has the possibility for redemption. I would love my kid unconditionally even if I hated their behavior/actions.

NP. I'm thinking of the Duggars. One brother molests his siblings and the parents cover it up and for all intents and purposes, choose the brother over the sisters who were abused. I don't know if I could truly disown my child in my heart, but if it came down to choosing the abuser over the abused (meaning your other child, grandchild, etc.), you have to side with the abused. Thinking about it, this really feels like intra-family sexual abuse where you have loyalty and obligation to everyone involved. The victim really needs to see you genuinely choosing them over their abuser, and even if that abuser is your child, you have the obligation to the person that was hurt in the situation.

Drugs, violent crime, maybe even sexual crimes outside the family... I can see the ethical argument that you still side with the victim, but eh, if that victim isn't my family member, I don't know if I would do that. And drug addictions make you do terrible things, but you can come out the other side. I've seen it in my family and detaching with love is not the same thing as emotionally disowning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My aunt loves her kids but she turned them in. Her two sons committed armed robbery, police came looking for them, and she turned them in.

Turning them in is very different from disowning them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My aunt loves her kids but she turned them in. Her two sons committed armed robbery, police came looking for them, and she turned them in.

Turning them in is very different from disowning them.

+1. She did the right thing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My aunt loves her kids but she turned them in. Her two sons committed armed robbery, police came looking for them, and she turned them in.

Turning them in is very different from disowning them.

+1. She did the right thing

Yes, for everyone. Harboring felons can have serious consequences, and avoiding arrest is just prolonging the inevitable. I hope they've turned it around.

[Anonymous]

I know someone whose parents disowned him due to his gambling addiction. He hurt a lot of people with lies, ruined his wife's credit and left her with serious debt, stole money from his parents and from his company. They tried to support him with therapy and rehab but he continued to lie and steal. I know this is different from a more serious crime, but they were getting hurt and realized they were enabling him and not doing him or themselves any favors. Sad situation all around.