I'm a 23 year old virgin and...

[Anonymous]

Do you enjoy kissing or making out? It’s not that uncommon that you are not into sex, especially if you are still a virgin. For me, intercourse for me was mostly a chore before my 30s, but I liked making out and loved my husband and also didn’t mind giving him BJs, I was happily married since I was my 25. We had sex about 2 times a week when we were dating and in the early years of marriage, I never initiated sex, my husband is my best friend, I talked to him about how I felt and what I wanted, he has always been supportive and wonderful. I started really enjoy intercourse 2 years after my first pregnancy, I now can’t keep my hands off hubby.... He is really loving it...

[Anonymous]

Got to love the people rushing in here tripping over themselves to tell a total stranger on the internet, from one post, that "you're not asexual. You just haven't met the right guy yet!" Or "the only asexuals I know are weird" (Cool story. There are millions of asexuals in the world. Sounds like you don't know very many).

It reminds me of the people who insist endlessly to women who don't want children that "you'll change your mind," because no intelligent adult can ever know or not know what they want in life unless it conforms to societal norms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Got to love the people rushing in here tripping over themselves to tell a total stranger on the internet, from one post, that "you're not asexual. You just haven't met the right guy yet!" Or "the only asexuals I know are weird" (Cool story. There are millions of asexuals in the world. Sounds like you don't know very many).

It reminds me of the people who insist endlessly to women who don't want children that "you'll change your mind," because no intelligent adult can ever know or not know what they want in life unless it conforms to societal norms.

+100000

DCUM is an echo chamber. It's a wide world, branch out sometime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I was you! I’m now married with a kid and we have sex 1-2x per year. We are happy and in love and great partners, just not hugely into sex. It can happen!

Just don’t box yourself in. Date, see how you feel, and break it off if desires don’t align. The right person is out there for you.

NP.
PP, I know this forum is anonymous, so I'm going to ask and you don't have to answer if you don't want to. Are you and your husband on the older side and conventionally unattractive? "Not hugely into sex"?

Nope. Both conventionally attractive, early 30s. We kiss, we cuddle, we hold hands, but sex is a rarity that neither of us seems to crave.

You just have to find someone at the same level as you and it’s fine.

This is really interesting and gives me hope for OP. I didn't know men could be asexual. Don't men just build up.and need release? So many questions as to how a man could never want sex, even solo!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you are in the wrong place. This is a bunch of mostly middle aged and older women, with a few men of similar ages mixed in. Most with kids.

Not according to the demographics.

It is 75% women ages 25-44.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Got to love the people rushing in here tripping over themselves to tell a total stranger on the internet, from one post, that "you're not asexual. You just haven't met the right guy yet!" Or "the only asexuals I know are weird" (Cool story. There are millions of asexuals in the world. Sounds like you don't know very many).

It reminds me of the people who insist endlessly to women who don't want children that "you'll change your mind," because no intelligent adult can ever know or not know what they want in life unless it conforms to societal norms.

+100000

DCUM is an echo chamber. It's a wide world, branch out sometime.

She didn’t say she is asexual she said she doesn’t know.

Why are you so set on putting her in a box boomer?

[Anonymous]

If you don't mind your husband possibly straying, you could marry a closeted gay man who maybe for religious reasons can't come out but also wants a loving home and family. There is a whole lot of that in the South!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not to be gross, but do you masturbate?

I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 25 and like you I thought I might be asexual. I masturbated so I had the physical arousal part but didn’t really think about sex with another person that much and certainly never yearned for it. I would go on dates and kind of had fun making out with those men but never wanted it to go further. Then I got into my first relationship and started to understand wanting sex and really desiring it with my partner. I guess that would mean I’m “demisexual” because it seems I don’t have a sexual desire without a strong emotional connection. Within the bounds of a relationship I’m actually really high libido.

If you have not experienced the pleasure that can come from sex, then it is premature to label yourself as asexual.

You need a patient, unselfish partner that will help you discover this side of yourself, your preferences, etc

Don’t panic or give up. Be open and engaged with others. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I was you! I’m now married with a kid and we have sex 1-2x per year. We are happy and in love and great partners, just not hugely into sex. It can happen!

Just don’t box yourself in. Date, see how you feel, and break it off if desires don’t align. The right person is out there for you.

NP.
PP, I know this forum is anonymous, so I'm going to ask and you don't have to answer if you don't want to. Are you and your husband on the older side and conventionally unattractive? "Not hugely into sex"?

Nope. Both conventionally attractive, early 30s. We kiss, we cuddle, we hold hands, but sex is a rarity that neither of us seems to crave.

You just have to find someone at the same level as you and it’s fine.

This is really interesting and gives me hope for OP. I didn't know men could be asexual. Don't men just build up.and need release? So many questions as to how a man could never want sex, even solo!

Sex is not a physical need, despite what men have been telling women for centuries

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Got to love the people rushing in here tripping over themselves to tell a total stranger on the internet, from one post, that "you're not asexual. You just haven't met the right guy yet!" Or "the only asexuals I know are weird" (Cool story. There are millions of asexuals in the world. Sounds like you don't know very many).

It reminds me of the people who insist endlessly to women who don't want children that "you'll change your mind," because no intelligent adult can ever know or not know what they want in life unless it conforms to societal norms.

+100000

DCUM is an echo chamber. It's a wide world, branch out sometime.

NP. I feel like OP could be asexual, but I don't think they can really know that unless they have been in a romantic relationship, had sex, and have a relationship that involved sex in some capacity. Until you know what it is, it is hard to know if you like it or crave it. Especially if you don't do sexual things with any regularity. With women its a 'use it or lose it' situation and so I think OP should at least try before writing it off completely.

Otherwise she could end up with an asexual person, realize something is missing, and be unhappy in a different way.

Had OP had a few relationships and had sex and was consistently uninterested, I would say something completely different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don't mind your husband possibly straying, you could marry a closeted gay man who maybe for religious reasons can't come out but also wants a loving home and family. There is a whole lot of that in the South!

Oh noooo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I was you! I’m now married with a kid and we have sex 1-2x per year. We are happy and in love and great partners, just not hugely into sex. It can happen!

Just don’t box yourself in. Date, see how you feel, and break it off if desires don’t align. The right person is out there for you.

NP.
PP, I know this forum is anonymous, so I'm going to ask and you don't have to answer if you don't want to. Are you and your husband on the older side and conventionally unattractive? "Not hugely into sex"?

Nope. Both conventionally attractive, early 30s. We kiss, we cuddle, we hold hands, but sex is a rarity that neither of us seems to crave.

You just have to find someone at the same level as you and it’s fine.

This is really interesting and gives me hope for OP. I didn't know men could be asexual. Don't men just build up.and need release? So many questions as to how a man could never want sex, even solo!

99.999% of men need sex on the regular. But that leaves 0.001% who don't

[Anonymous]

OP- be kind to yourself and try to get to know yourself one day at a time. There are other asexual people that you may connect with, don’t lose hope or feel that you need to compromise when it comes to your sexual identity.
If you are interested in exploring your sexuality further, I would strongly suggest masturbation over having sex with someone before you’ve even come to terms with what you want.
Posters saying you just need to put up with sex you don’t want to be happy or that you just want marriage for attention or instagram likes are being ridiculous and cruel. Your desire to have a loving long term relationship and marriage is valid. Your disinterest in sex is ok.
Respect your boundaries and do not settle for someone who does not respect them. Being asexual will limit your dating pool but the worst thing you could do, for your own happiness, is abandon who you are and what you need for someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Got to love the people rushing in here tripping over themselves to tell a total stranger on the internet, from one post, that "you're not asexual. You just haven't met the right guy yet!" Or "the only asexuals I know are weird" (Cool story. There are millions of asexuals in the world. Sounds like you don't know very many).

It reminds me of the people who insist endlessly to women who don't want children that "you'll change your mind," because no intelligent adult can ever know or not know what they want in life unless it conforms to societal norms.

If OP has literally never even had an orgasm, it’s pretty premature to declare herself asexual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Got to love the people rushing in here tripping over themselves to tell a total stranger on the internet, from one post, that "you're not asexual. You just haven't met the right guy yet!" Or "the only asexuals I know are weird" (Cool story. There are millions of asexuals in the world. Sounds like you don't know very many).

It reminds me of the people who insist endlessly to women who don't want children that "you'll change your mind," because no intelligent adult can ever know or not know what they want in life unless it conforms to societal norms.

+100000

DCUM is an echo chamber. It's a wide world, branch out sometime.

She didn’t say she is asexual she said she doesn’t know.

Why are you so set on putting her in a box boomer?

It's more likely the pps you are responding to are late Millenials or Gen Z, they're the ones obsessed with labeling everything and painting themselves into a box and then changing thei label every 2 months when they realize they were wrong. Those of us who are a bit older think mid 30s and above, and who have actually experienced the world realize the importance of getting to know who you are rather than identifying with a label, which is what most here are encouraging OP to do.