I'm a 23 year old virgin and...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not to be gross, but do you masturbate?

I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 25 and like you I thought I might be asexual. I masturbated so I had the physical arousal part but didn’t really think about sex with another person that much and certainly never yearned for it. I would go on dates and kind of had fun making out with those men but never wanted it to go further. Then I got into my first relationship and started to understand wanting sex and really desiring it with my partner. I guess that would mean I’m “demisexual” because it seems I don’t have a sexual desire without a strong emotional connection. Within the bounds of a relationship I’m actually really high libido.

SO your man can look like humpty dumpty but as long as the emotional connection is there you have a high libido?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to be gross, but do you masturbate?

I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 25 and like you I thought I might be asexual. I masturbated so I had the physical arousal part but didn’t really think about sex with another person that much and certainly never yearned for it. I would go on dates and kind of had fun making out with those men but never wanted it to go further. Then I got into my first relationship and started to understand wanting sex and really desiring it with my partner. I guess that would mean I’m “demisexual” because it seems I don’t have a sexual desire without a strong emotional connection. Within the bounds of a relationship I’m actually really high libido.

SO your man can look like humpty dumpty but as long as the emotional connection is there you have a high libido?

Depends how big his d*** is

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you come from a religious background?

Nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you haven't dated I don't think you're asexual. You just haven't found someone you're attracted to and I believe you will and that could be a man or woman. I'm older than you and a virgin too. It just takes the right person to turn you on. Find what turns you on and go from there.

I was going to say this. The right person may change how you feel about sex.

[Anonymous]

I also think the right person might make you enjoy and desire sex more.

But don’t think there’s anything wrong with you. It’s okay to have a low sex drive. Just make sure you date compatible people.

I had a friend who thought he was asexual in college, mostly because he wasn’t out of control horny like our other college friends. He met someone online, and they have a totally normal life - both are low sex drive, but that doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy sex together (and they now have kids to prove it!)

Sex isn’t everything. Honestly having a low sex drive sounds convenient.

[Anonymous]

You can’t be in a monogamous relation with a “normal” drive guy. So keep looking for an asexual man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guy here. I believe you OP. Your self description may be accurate,
but I want to mention the possibility that you may be wrong about yourself.

I dated a couple of women who had essentially no experience with orgasms before they met me, which in both cases was years after college. One of them had literally never had an orgasm and another had experienced what I gather were pretty small ones, and only when she was alone. Both had been sexual with men and vaguely enjoyed the companionship and some happy feelings about pleasing the men, but that was pretty much all they enjoyed. You could say I had a softer touch and was more attuned to their needs than their prior boyfriends had been and even they themselves had been. They ended up becoming almost insatiable. They couldn't believe what they had been missing.

I have no idea how often that kind of lack of self awareness happens.

Please call me

[Anonymous]

Are you on any kind of hormonal medication, like birth control to regulate periods or acne? That stuff can totally kill libido and desire. You may want to get a hormonal work up to see that your levels are.

[Anonymous]

You are only 23. You don't have to "decide" what you are today.

You should try it before you say it's not for you.

I make my kids try a vegetable 10 times before they can say they don't like it... I suggest you try it at least 10 times with a few different people before you decide.

Sexuality is not binary and it's not constant.

You might not fit in a perfect little box and you might change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guy here. I believe you OP. Your self description may be accurate,
but I want to mention the possibility that you may be wrong about yourself.

I dated a couple of women who had essentially no experience with orgasms before they met me, which in both cases was years after college. One of them had literally never had an orgasm and another had experienced what I gather were pretty small ones, and only when she was alone. Both had been sexual with men and vaguely enjoyed the companionship and some happy feelings about pleasing the men, but that was pretty much all they enjoyed. You could say I had a softer touch and was more attuned to their needs than their prior boyfriends had been and even they themselves had been. They ended up becoming almost insatiable. They couldn't believe what they had been missing.

I have no idea how often that kind of lack of self awareness happens.

Please call me

Or at least share your secrets. -Guy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guy here. I believe you OP. Your self description may be accurate,
but I want to mention the possibility that you may be wrong about yourself.

I dated a couple of women who had essentially no experience with orgasms before they met me, which in both cases was years after college. One of them had literally never had an orgasm and another had experienced what I gather were pretty small ones, and only when she was alone. Both had been sexual with men and vaguely enjoyed the companionship and some happy feelings about pleasing the men, but that was pretty much all they enjoyed. You could say I had a softer touch and was more attuned to their needs than their prior boyfriends had been and even they themselves had been. They ended up becoming almost insatiable. They couldn't believe what they had been missing.

I have no idea how often that kind of lack of self awareness happens.

Please call me

Or at least share your secrets. -Guy

IMO, as a woman, it requires the guy to be really patient and willing to explore and learn the woman's body and what turns her on. Not all women are the same, and not all women like xyz during sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to get married so bad. I want someone to build a family with and have that happily ever after. I don't see myself alone. Here's the thing...

I think I'm asexual. I've never had ANY interest in sex. I don't think I have any hormonal issues. I loooove cutesy romantic stuff - holding hands, gifts, etc. - but sex? No. Couldn't care less.

So...how do I date? Can I get married? I hate saying this but the other asexual people I know are a bit ...odd. Like personality/interest wise I can't see us being compatible.

What do you think?

I think you haven't found someone you like that much. I wasn't interested in sex really until I met my dh. I guess today I would be considered "asexual" but really I wasn't ready.

[Anonymous]

Hav you ever been turned on? I think you need to experience it first before you say you aren't into it. You might be surprised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you haven't dated I don't think you're asexual. You just haven't found someone you're attracted to and I believe you will and that could be a man or woman. I'm older than you and a virgin too. It just takes the right person to turn you on. Find what turns you on and go from there.

I was going to say this. The right person may change how you feel about sex.

I think this is possible. I lost my virginity at 24. I wasn't asexual, just picky - didn't manage to meet and actually date someone I was even attracted to enough to be interested until then.

I honestly think a lot of the messaging women get about giving men a chance, getting to know them to see if our attraction grows, not being shallow and judging by looks, etc., doesn't help. Several of my friends who were much less comfortable than me with being single wound up dating multiple guys they were not physically attracted to because they thought it was "bad" to reject people for that reason. What a freaking waste if everyone's time!

That said, some people DO know, and if OP thinks she may be asexual it might be worth exploring that community a bit. A lot of people with non-standard sexualities hear a lot of "you just haven't met the right person yet." Not always true.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you are in the wrong place. This is a bunch of mostly middle aged and older women, with a few men of similar ages mixed in. Most with kids.