I'm a 23 year old virgin and...

[Anonymous]

I want to get married so bad. I want someone to build a family with and have that happily ever after. I don't see myself alone. Here's the thing...

I think I'm asexual. I've never had ANY interest in sex. I don't think I have any hormonal issues. I loooove cutesy romantic stuff - holding hands, gifts, etc. - but sex? No. Couldn't care less.

So...how do I date? Can I get married? I hate saying this but the other asexual people I know are a bit ...odd. Like personality/interest wise I can't see us being compatible.

What do you think?

[Anonymous]

You can totally do this. You need someone with a low sex drive. But you wouldn't necessarily know if you have low hormonal sex drive without getting some blood work. So I'd tackle that.

Are you open to having sex to get pregnant, and maybe on the husband's birthday?

[Anonymous]

Keep trying with fellow asexuals. Everyone struggles to find the right mate for them (and thinks their options are odd) until they don’t.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you are asexual but not aromantic. There are people like you out there! Get on Reddit, find Facebook groups, find your people.

[Anonymous]

I think you are young and focused on an issue that is far less important than it is presented to be. Also, you are romanticizing relationships. People want partners. Someone to hold their hand, but still take out the garbage in a rainstorm. Focus on building friendships and the rest will seem much more accessible and more desirable. I know a few people who are asexual, but I would describe them as traumatized and offbeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you are asexual but not aromantic. There are people like you out there! Get on Reddit, find Facebook groups, find your people.

This.

[Anonymous]

Not to be gross, but do you masturbate?

I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 25 and like you I thought I might be asexual. I masturbated so I had the physical arousal part but didn’t really think about sex with another person that much and certainly never yearned for it. I would go on dates and kind of had fun making out with those men but never wanted it to go further. Then I got into my first relationship and started to understand wanting sex and really desiring it with my partner. I guess that would mean I’m “demisexual” because it seems I don’t have a sexual desire without a strong emotional connection. Within the bounds of a relationship I’m actually really high libido.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not to be gross, but do you masturbate?

I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 25 and like you I thought I might be asexual. I masturbated so I had the physical arousal part but didn’t really think about sex with another person that much and certainly never yearned for it. I would go on dates and kind of had fun making out with those men but never wanted it to go further. Then I got into my first relationship and started to understand wanting sex and really desiring it with my partner. I guess that would mean I’m “demisexual” because it seems I don’t have a sexual desire without a strong emotional connection. Within the bounds of a relationship I’m actually really high libido.

Nope, never!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not to be gross, but do you masturbate?

I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 25 and like you I thought I might be asexual. I masturbated so I had the physical arousal part but didn’t really think about sex with another person that much and certainly never yearned for it. I would go on dates and kind of had fun making out with those men but never wanted it to go further. Then I got into my first relationship and started to understand wanting sex and really desiring it with my partner. I guess that would mean I’m “demisexual” because it seems I don’t have a sexual desire without a strong emotional connection. Within the bounds of a relationship I’m actually really high libido.

I think that a lot of women are probably like this. I had an early boyfriend who really knew how to rev up my desire. I never would have known that I had desire if he hadn't been so focused and skilled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to be gross, but do you masturbate?

I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 25 and like you I thought I might be asexual. I masturbated so I had the physical arousal part but didn’t really think about sex with another person that much and certainly never yearned for it. I would go on dates and kind of had fun making out with those men but never wanted it to go further. Then I got into my first relationship and started to understand wanting sex and really desiring it with my partner. I guess that would mean I’m “demisexual” because it seems I don’t have a sexual desire without a strong emotional connection. Within the bounds of a relationship I’m actually really high libido.

Nope, never!

Have you tried?

[Anonymous]

Guy here. I believe you OP. Your self description may be accurate,
but I want to mention the possibility that you may be wrong about yourself.

I dated a couple of women who had essentially no experience with orgasms before they met me, which in both cases was years after college. One of them had literally never had an orgasm and another had experienced what I gather were pretty small ones, and only when she was alone. Both had been sexual with men and vaguely enjoyed the companionship and some happy feelings about pleasing the men, but that was pretty much all they enjoyed. You could say I had a softer touch and was more attuned to their needs than their prior boyfriends had been and even they themselves had been. They ended up becoming almost insatiable. They couldn't believe what they had been missing.

I have no idea how often that kind of lack of self awareness happens.

[Anonymous]

Do you come from a religious background?

[Anonymous]

If you haven't dated I don't think you're asexual. You just haven't found someone you're attracted to and I believe you will and that could be a man or woman. I'm older than you and a virgin too. It just takes the right person to turn you on. Find what turns you on and go from there.

[Anonymous]

Do not misrepresent who you are and what you want. There are men and most likely other women out there who are like you. You should target them.

Just do not marry or date someone with a who will want to have a sex life. It will be hard on your partner and the children. Read through this board no sex post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to be gross, but do you masturbate?

I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 25 and like you I thought I might be asexual. I masturbated so I had the physical arousal part but didn’t really think about sex with another person that much and certainly never yearned for it. I would go on dates and kind of had fun making out with those men but never wanted it to go further. Then I got into my first relationship and started to understand wanting sex and really desiring it with my partner. I guess that would mean I’m “demisexual” because it seems I don’t have a sexual desire without a strong emotional connection. Within the bounds of a relationship I’m actually really high libido.

Nope, never!

Have you tried?

I’m remembering scenes from The Dictator here.