Move family or separate the family for a year?

[Anonymous]

You only have 2 kids and you have no job. Why do you need a "support system"?

[Anonymous]

Gonna bet OP is a southern Virginia girl. or Richmond.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You only have 2 kids and you have no job. Why do you need a "support system"?

Your internalized misogyny is showing. Women are entitled to a support system no matter how many children they have or whether or not they have a job.

[Anonymous]

What kind of support system do you have here?

I have 3 kids now but used to have 2 with a similar gap. DH would help with bedtime. He would put baby down while I read books to my 2yo at night. He could play with kids while I made dinner or pick up dinner on the way home from work. DH is a surgeon so not the best hours either. Weekends would be family time.

What support system could be greater than your spouse?

[Anonymous]

We faced a similar decision twice in two years. We were living near family, and dh had a 9-month assignment out of state, immediately followed by one year in Boston (yes, a fellowship at Harvard). Kids and I stayed put for the nine months, then we all moved to Boston together. I just couldn’t face moving twice within one year. It was fine, but definitely not easy. I felt like I was running on adrenaline the whole time I solo-parented. Boston is awesome and we loved our time there. In your shoes I would move as a family for the one year.

Some people in dh’s program came on their own, but they typically had older kids, usually high school, where uprooting them for a year would have been very difficult. With young kids, the move would be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kind of support system do you have here?

I have 3 kids now but used to have 2 with a similar gap. DH would help with bedtime. He would put baby down while I read books to my 2yo at night. He could play with kids while I made dinner or pick up dinner on the way home from work. DH is a surgeon so not the best hours either. Weekends would be family time.

What support system could be greater than your spouse?

People who are around during the day?

Come on. Pretending that mothers don’t need a support system if they stay home is very misogynistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of support system do you have here?

I have 3 kids now but used to have 2 with a similar gap. DH would help with bedtime. He would put baby down while I read books to my 2yo at night. He could play with kids while I made dinner or pick up dinner on the way home from work. DH is a surgeon so not the best hours either. Weekends would be family time.

What support system could be greater than your spouse?

People who are around during the day?

Come on. Pretending that mothers don’t need a support system if they stay home is very misogynistic.

+1 women are allowed to want people to lean on! My god!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You only have 2 kids and you have no job. Why do you need a "support system"?

Your internalized misogyny is showing. Women are entitled to a support system no matter how many children they have or whether or not they have a job.

Ha! Your spoilage is showing. And your privilege.

Lazy moms!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You only have 2 kids and you have no job. Why do you need a "support system"?

Your internalized misogyny is showing. Women are entitled to a support system no matter how many children they have or whether or not they have a job.

Ha! Your spoilage is showing. And your privilege.

Lazy moms!

OP isn't talking about not having her butler and ladies maid. She just doesn't want to be stuck inside with two little kids in a crappy climate (both in terms of weather and people) with no friends. I think OP should go but it's not privilege to have a support system. Women with fewer resources, like me, tend to depend on each other more than wealthy women.

[Anonymous]

Your DH must be hurt that you’d even consider not going with him. I know mine would be in the same situation. Only scenarios I can think of that the kids and I wouldn’t go with if I was a SAHM and kids weren’t in school would be if the area DH is going to is unsafe (like a war zone or something), or if I or one of the kids needed specialized medical care that we couldn’t get wherever Dh’s new job was, if you and DH are on brink of divorce and can’t stand to be together anyway, or *maybe* if someone in our extended family was sick/dying and we didn’t want to miss out on that time w them by moving. Otherwise, there’s not a question if you and kids go with or not.

[Anonymous]

I love my solitary time so the kids and I would stay and spend long weekends up there.
No way i would uproot for a year. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You only have 2 kids and you have no job. Why do you need a "support system"?

Your internalized misogyny is showing. Women are entitled to a support system no matter how many children they have or whether or not they have a job.

Ha! Your spoilage is showing. And your privilege.

Lazy moms!

OP isn't talking about not having her butler and ladies maid. She just doesn't want to be stuck inside with two little kids in a crappy climate (both in terms of weather and people) with no friends. I think OP should go but it's not privilege to have a support system. Women with fewer resources, like me, tend to depend on each other more than wealthy women.

I would love for DH to have that opportunity. He could focus 100% on work while he was there and actually have great visits with you when you come.
No way I would move for 1 year to a smaller place with 2 kids during a pandemic. I needs space and DH would be driven crazy sharing a condo with me and 2 kids going stir crazy,.

[Anonymous]

I would move up north with him. (Unless "up north" is like an ice road trucking route or something like that?) I would NOT create a functional divide in the family this extreme, where he focuses exclusively on his career, and you focus exclusively on childcare. If you do take the route of separating for the year, make SURE you get enough childcare to make up for his lack of contribution to the household labor.

[Anonymous]

I was 4 when my dad left for job reasons. According to my mom, I had a very hard time, missed him greatly. Kids have no sense of time or space at the ages of your kids. A year is forever. My mom describes that as we were driving half way across the country I would pop up every 5 minutes asking if we are there yet. I would definitely go for the sake of your kids because separation from a parent is painful and difficult for your kids possibly traumatic. A 2 or 4 year old is not going to understand a job opportunity for a year just “Why did daddy leave me.” Yes I know military kids and other kids go through this all the time and most do ok. However I still think if you can spare your kids this pain you should.

Boston is a Great city with lots of great things to do with kids. It’s not like you are moving to rural North Dakota or something..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You only have 2 kids and you have no job. Why do you need a "support system"?

Your internalized misogyny is showing. Women are entitled to a support system no matter how many children they have or whether or not they have a job.

Ha! Your spoilage is showing. And your privilege.

Lazy moms!

Yeah, so spoiled by having adult interaction with family and friends. Something tells me that's not something you have a lot of in your life.