Move family or separate the family for a year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kind of support system do you have here?

I have 3 kids now but used to have 2 with a similar gap. DH would help with bedtime. He would put baby down while I read books to my 2yo at night. He could play with kids while I made dinner or pick up dinner on the way home from work. DH is a surgeon so not the best hours either. Weekends would be family time.

What support system could be greater than your spouse?

I posted earlier in this thread that I stayed. I had a close group of SAHM friends, parents 100 miles away who came up for the weekend once or twice a month, a nanny (I was working) who was a family member and available in an emergency, and a family dinner prepared by my aunt every Sunday.

My SAHM friends came over during the summer whenever their husbands were working late or out of town, and we would throw something in the crockpot for dinner, then head to the pool for the day. After school started, a friend of mine came over with takeout for dinner every Thursday when her husband worked an evening shift, and the kids would play together while we ate. We had playgroups on Friday afternoons. We all canned, so we would do that together at different times of the year.

It was all together an easier and more social life than I have had since we moved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By up North I was picturing the wilds of Alaska or something and I’d be on the fence. But if you mean another city? Go.

Honestly, I can also say that if your husband is giving you so little support that other people outweigh him as far as “support network” you need to work on that. I’ve BTDT and it took a lot to fix.

Lol at “up north”. Yes do go. Boston is a nice city and I am sure you can make new friends through your kids nursery school.

[Anonymous]

So your options are to be with your friends or your DH? During COVID? How much in person support are you getting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With kids in school, it might be a tougher choice for me, with young kids and if you don't have to worry about work, I would definitely prioritize being together. From personal experience, separation can be really hard on marriages.

This. I find it interesting that you don’t consider your dh as “your support system”.

[Anonymous]

You also don’t want your husband to get used to a year of peace and quiet. No matter how “sad” he was when you said you were staying here, he would quickly get used to the peace and quiet. As someone who had to travel a bit for work and to help aging parents, those breaks were still short. I think I would have gotten out of the kids “swing of things” too easily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With kids in school, it might be a tougher choice for me, with young kids and if you don't have to worry about work, I would definitely prioritize being together. From personal experience, separation can be really hard on marriages.

This. I find it interesting that you don’t consider your dh as “your support system”.

NP- my husband works 70-80 hours a week. He is wonderful but without other support I'd be in trouble. You don't know her situation.

[Anonymous]

Its one year. I would go as a family. Make it an adventure and get out of your comfort zone. Your oldest will be in preschool and that's a bit of a load off. The kids will be fine. From your wording, this seems more about you and not the kids. I've moved 5 times in the last 8 years with no help. My oldest was 2 for our first move. We've learned to adapt. I think that its harder on DH because he's a social person and wasn't into using social media to keep connections going. Even he's getting into Facebook and texting to socialize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SAHM, no question go. A year is a long time. Kids need their dad and so do you.

This. Don’t prioritize your “support system” over your marriage and kids’ paternal relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all for the feedback. My heart was telling me to stay here, and when I mentioned it to DH, I could tell he was really sad about it. It would be up in Boston.
I sometimes feel like I need to take everything on, and in my head, I was thinking I can solo parent for the year. But after thinking about, it will be too much of a strain on me, the kids, and my DH.
thank you DCUM for setting me straight, being nice, and everyone agreed! Haha.

Boston is soooo fun! We were there for a year when my oldest was about a year and it's such a great city. Lots of good playgrounds and parks and the Boston Children's Museum is really fantastic. We were there weekly. I would go in a heartbeat. And also you don't want to separate your family, do everything to avoid that.

Regarding the social element, I met so many people through playgrounds. There are alot of people temporarily transplated there and I don't think you'll have problems finding new aquaintances. Enjoy!