Inheritance/gift to child and spouse or just child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Professionals in the field will tell you child only.

So people with entirely co-mingled finances would be expected to set up a solo account? I get why that's smart for asset protection but IRL it seems cold AF, like the person sees the writing on the wall.

This is what my husband did. I hate him and his parents and it truly ruined my adult life with him and didn't make for a happy household for our children. Three more years and I'm out, and I will find some way to sue him for something, since we have had to spend every dime that I have earned while he sits on his trust funding not spending a dime of it without a care in the world (he doesn't have a job). You rich people are horrible and should be left to die alone. My husband and his parents will have only each other and I hope they are miserable in their old age. When my kids are adults, they will know exactly who these people are and I promise you will never give them the time of day.

If the trust fund is big enough- quit. He can either pay the bills or not

It's many millions of dollars. But he won't pay the bills. Then what do the kids and I do? I make just enough to cover our bills and I can't afford a new house in this area, so would have to move elsewhere. My only hope is that I can leave in a few years and he will see fit to atleast not make my buy out his half of the house. To OP: is this what you want? A spouse who hates you? Especially because you're the one inisting he not be included? You sound awful. You and all your kinds are awful.

I am not sure why OP is awful and what this has to do with your situation. you married a gigantic POS and somehow think that your life would be better if, still married to the POS, your ILs had donated money to you also. if it is many million of dollars, it makes sense to me that they donated to the son only, you could have left him the day after with their money. your husband does not work and does not pay any bills while having tons of money. as others have said, you can divorce him, find an attorney and see what your options are. if he has money, he cannot refuse to pay for the kids and you could have the right to live in the house until the kids are old enough to leave. your life sounds really miserable and if you wait, it may be worse, he can use you until the kids are older and then dump you for a younger woman, and yes, making you pay for his share of the house if he can. he already show you who he is so don't expect anything different. the fact your ILs did not donate to you is irrelevant, you did not marry them, you married your DH and he is the one who should treat you as a wife and life partner, not a free nanny and cleaning lady who pays his bills

[Anonymous]

I thought the point was to double the amount of the gift?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Professionals in the field will tell you child only.

So people with entirely co-mingled finances would be expected to set up a solo account? I get why that's smart for asset protection but IRL it seems cold AF, like the person sees the writing on the wall.

This is what my husband did. I hate him and his parents and it truly ruined my adult life with him and didn't make for a happy household for our children. Three more years and I'm out, and I will find some way to sue him for something, since we have had to spend every dime that I have earned while he sits on his trust funding not spending a dime of it without a care in the world (he doesn't have a job). You rich people are horrible and should be left to die alone. My husband and his parents will have only each other and I hope they are miserable in their old age. When my kids are adults, they will know exactly who these people are and I promise you will never give them the time of day.

If the trust fund is big enough- quit. He can either pay the bills or not

It's many millions of dollars. But he won't pay the bills. Then what do the kids and I do? I make just enough to cover our bills and I can't afford a new house in this area, so would have to move elsewhere. My only hope is that I can leave in a few years and he will see fit to atleast not make my buy out his half of the house. To OP: is this what you want? A spouse who hates you? Especially because you're the one inisting he not be included? You sound awful. You and all your kinds are awful.

OK, this makes no sense. Is the house paid for? You'd probably get 1/2 the proceeds if it were sold and you can use that to rent or buy a new house. And, so what if you have to move? If he has millions and will not pay the bills, you rent an apartment, even 2 bedroom, move out with the kid sand file for divorce. Why keep supporting him if he's not an equal partner and holding on to money? What will happen with college or anything else? Move on. You deserve better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Professionals in the field will tell you child only.

So people with entirely co-mingled finances would be expected to set up a solo account? I get why that's smart for asset protection but IRL it seems cold AF, like the person sees the writing on the wall.

This is what my husband did. I hate him and his parents and it truly ruined my adult life with him and didn't make for a happy household for our children. Three more years and I'm out, and I will find some way to sue him for something, since we have had to spend every dime that I have earned while he sits on his trust funding not spending a dime of it without a care in the world (he doesn't have a job). You rich people are horrible and should be left to die alone. My husband and his parents will have only each other and I hope they are miserable in their old age. When my kids are adults, they will know exactly who these people are and I promise you will never give them the time of day.

+1

My father died when I was young (16) and my mother died when I was 28. My inheritance paid for my DH's grad school and allowed me (ie us) to not pay child care for the 3 years I was home with our twins. It didn't make sense to work as day care would eat the earnings I made and then some.

Well, DH became ex DH at 48 when his alcoholism became out of control and he started to hit. I'll never see a dime of his very large inheritance and that's not fair.

All these stories just confirm for me that even in the best of marriages men use money to control or punish their wives/ex-wives.

My husband had no money. His ex cheated and she took the kids way back when 50/50 was rare. She always used the kids and money to control him. There was no amount of money (above the child support and alimony) that was ever enough. And, then she'd use money as an excuse to keep the kids from visiting or talking to him. And, he'd go to court and the judges would just tell her to allow visits with no consequences. You can have a story for everything.

This poster should not get inheritance. Its not her family. Just like if he got inheritance he should not get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Professionals in the field will tell you child only.

So people with entirely co-mingled finances would be expected to set up a solo account? I get why that's smart for asset protection but IRL it seems cold AF, like the person sees the writing on the wall.

This is what my husband did. I hate him and his parents and it truly ruined my adult life with him and didn't make for a happy household for our children. Three more years and I'm out, and I will find some way to sue him for something, since we have had to spend every dime that I have earned while he sits on his trust funding not spending a dime of it without a care in the world (he doesn't have a job). You rich people are horrible and should be left to die alone. My husband and his parents will have only each other and I hope they are miserable in their old age. When my kids are adults, they will know exactly who these people are and I promise you will never give them the time of day.

+1

My father died when I was young (16) and my mother died when I was 28. My inheritance paid for my DH's grad school and allowed me (ie us) to not pay child care for the 3 years I was home with our twins. It didn't make sense to work as day care would eat the earnings I made and then some.

Well, DH became ex DH at 48 when his alcoholism became out of control and he started to hit. I'll never see a dime of his very large inheritance and that's not fair.

All these stories just confirm for me that even in the best of marriages men use money to control or punish their wives/ex-wives.

My husband had no money. His ex cheated and she took the kids way back when 50/50 was rare. She always used the kids and money to control him. There was no amount of money (above the child support and alimony) that was ever enough. And, then she'd use money as an excuse to keep the kids from visiting or talking to him. And, he'd go to court and the judges would just tell her to allow visits with no consequences. You can have a story for everything.

This poster should not get inheritance. Its not her family. Just like if he got inheritance he should not get it.

So you really think it's okay for me to be working, paying all the bills, while husband doesn't work, sponges off my income, while his money just sits there making hundreds of thousands every year? He doesn't have to worry about retirement and the only way I won't be destitute in retirement is if I stay with him. How is this okay? I really didn't have a choice though. We bought our house together, paid it off, then he quit working the following year. I could never afford to live even remotely comfortably if I had to go buy another house. A house at half the value of our little shack would not be livable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Professionals in the field will tell you child only.

So people with entirely co-mingled finances would be expected to set up a solo account? I get why that's smart for asset protection but IRL it seems cold AF, like the person sees the writing on the wall.

This is what my husband did. I hate him and his parents and it truly ruined my adult life with him and didn't make for a happy household for our children. Three more years and I'm out, and I will find some way to sue him for something, since we have had to spend every dime that I have earned while he sits on his trust funding not spending a dime of it without a care in the world (he doesn't have a job). You rich people are horrible and should be left to die alone. My husband and his parents will have only each other and I hope they are miserable in their old age. When my kids are adults, they will know exactly who these people are and I promise you will never give them the time of day.

If the trust fund is big enough- quit. He can either pay the bills or not

It's many millions of dollars. But he won't pay the bills. Then what do the kids and I do? I make just enough to cover our bills and I can't afford a new house in this area, so would have to move elsewhere. My only hope is that I can leave in a few years and he will see fit to atleast not make my buy out his half of the house. To OP: is this what you want? A spouse who hates you? Especially because you're the one inisting he not be included? You sound awful. You and all your kinds are awful.

I am not sure why OP is awful and what this has to do with your situation. you married a gigantic POS and somehow think that your life would be better if, still married to the POS, your ILs had donated money to you also. if it is many million of dollars, it makes sense to me that they donated to the son only, you could have left him the day after with their money. your husband does not work and does not pay any bills while having tons of money. as others have said, you can divorce him, find an attorney and see what your options are. if he has money, he cannot refuse to pay for the kids and you could have the right to live in the house until the kids are old enough to leave. your life sounds really miserable and if you wait, it may be worse, he can use you until the kids are older and then dump you for a younger woman, and yes, making you pay for his share of the house if he can. he already show you who he is so don't expect anything different. the fact your ILs did not donate to you is irrelevant, you did not marry them, you married your DH and he is the one who should treat you as a wife and life partner, not a free nanny and cleaning lady who pays his bills

I don't expect my ILs to give me money. But they do act like they have done me a huge favor by giving their son millions of dollars. They don't seem to realize that he won't spend a dime of it on his family. They know he doesn't have a job, they see that piece of crap house we live in, but my mother in law once actually told me I should appreciate her more because she "funded our enterprise." I looked at her and said, "what are you talking about?" She's a horrible woman who raised a narcissist POS. That's why I hate them, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Professionals in the field will tell you child only.

So people with entirely co-mingled finances would be expected to set up a solo account? I get why that's smart for asset protection but IRL it seems cold AF, like the person sees the writing on the wall.

This is what my husband did. I hate him and his parents and it truly ruined my adult life with him and didn't make for a happy household for our children. Three more years and I'm out, and I will find some way to sue him for something, since we have had to spend every dime that I have earned while he sits on his trust funding not spending a dime of it without a care in the world (he doesn't have a job). You rich people are horrible and should be left to die alone. My husband and his parents will have only each other and I hope they are miserable in their old age. When my kids are adults, they will know exactly who these people are and I promise you will never give them the time of day.

If the trust fund is big enough- quit. He can either pay the bills or not

It's many millions of dollars. But he won't pay the bills. Then what do the kids and I do? I make just enough to cover our bills and I can't afford a new house in this area, so would have to move elsewhere. My only hope is that I can leave in a few years and he will see fit to atleast not make my buy out his half of the house. To OP: is this what you want? A spouse who hates you? Especially because you're the one inisting he not be included? You sound awful. You and all your kinds are awful.

I am not sure why OP is awful and what this has to do with your situation. you married a gigantic POS and somehow think that your life would be better if, still married to the POS, your ILs had donated money to you also. if it is many million of dollars, it makes sense to me that they donated to the son only, you could have left him the day after with their money. your husband does not work and does not pay any bills while having tons of money. as others have said, you can divorce him, find an attorney and see what your options are. if he has money, he cannot refuse to pay for the kids and you could have the right to live in the house until the kids are old enough to leave. your life sounds really miserable and if you wait, it may be worse, he can use you until the kids are older and then dump you for a younger woman, and yes, making you pay for his share of the house if he can. he already show you who he is so don't expect anything different. the fact your ILs did not donate to you is irrelevant, you did not marry them, you married your DH and he is the one who should treat you as a wife and life partner, not a free nanny and cleaning lady who pays his bills

I don't expect my ILs to give me money. But they do act like they have done me a huge favor by giving their son millions of dollars. They don't seem to realize that he won't spend a dime of it on his family. They know he doesn't have a job, they see that piece of crap house we live in, but my mother in law once actually told me I should appreciate her more because she "funded our enterprise." I looked at her and said, "what are you talking about?" She's a horrible woman who raised a narcissist POS. That's why I hate them, too.

Its time for a divorce. He's not going to change. You are not entitled to that money. Stop responding when she makes comments and remind her you are paying all the bills and struggling to get by while he sits on the money and does't use it for your family. Pack up, rent a small apartment and take the kids. Find happiness. He isn't going to change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Professionals in the field will tell you child only.

So people with entirely co-mingled finances would be expected to set up a solo account? I get why that's smart for asset protection but IRL it seems cold AF, like the person sees the writing on the wall.

This is what my husband did. I hate him and his parents and it truly ruined my adult life with him and didn't make for a happy household for our children. Three more years and I'm out, and I will find some way to sue him for something, since we have had to spend every dime that I have earned while he sits on his trust funding not spending a dime of it without a care in the world (he doesn't have a job). You rich people are horrible and should be left to die alone. My husband and his parents will have only each other and I hope they are miserable in their old age. When my kids are adults, they will know exactly who these people are and I promise you will never give them the time of day.

+1

My father died when I was young (16) and my mother died when I was 28. My inheritance paid for my DH's grad school and allowed me (ie us) to not pay child care for the 3 years I was home with our twins. It didn't make sense to work as day care would eat the earnings I made and then some.

Well, DH became ex DH at 48 when his alcoholism became out of control and he started to hit. I'll never see a dime of his very large inheritance and that's not fair.

All these stories just confirm for me that even in the best of marriages men use money to control or punish their wives/ex-wives.

My husband had no money. His ex cheated and she took the kids way back when 50/50 was rare. She always used the kids and money to control him. There was no amount of money (above the child support and alimony) that was ever enough. And, then she'd use money as an excuse to keep the kids from visiting or talking to him. And, he'd go to court and the judges would just tell her to allow visits with no consequences. You can have a story for everything.

This poster should not get inheritance. Its not her family. Just like if he got inheritance he should not get it.

So you really think it's okay for me to be working, paying all the bills, while husband doesn't work, sponges off my income, while his money just sits there making hundreds of thousands every year? He doesn't have to worry about retirement and the only way I won't be destitute in retirement is if I stay with him. How is this okay? I really didn't have a choice though. We bought our house together, paid it off, then he quit working the following year. I could never afford to live even remotely comfortably if I had to go buy another house. A house at half the value of our little shack would not be livable.

I think you married an ass and you should divorce. You aren't entitled to inheritance and this doesn't sound like inheritance if they are still living and its a gift. Get the bills in his name and stop paying them. Cancel all the joint credit cards and only have your own. Pay yours, not his expenses. Move out, take the kids, file for divorce.

We live in what you'd consider a shack. You are choosing to stay for the house as you don't want to move. You'd probably have more money if you didn't have to pay his expenses. You choose your destiny. You'd get half the value of the house. You are allowing him to not work/not pay for things. Your lifestyle and comfort is more important and that's ok but stop complaining about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be weird/concerning to me if my spouse inherited money and it didn’t go into a joint venture or account of some sort. After being married for a decade plus, if the will was written in a way that it was just for the child, I’d be offended. I’d also be mad at my spouse if they took it and put it into a solo account. We’re supposed to be partners and building a life together. To take a windfall as solely their own says a lot about where the relationship stands.

It’s very usual for a child who inherits money or property not to commingle it with marital assets.

I have a fantastic marriage. When I received inheritances from my grandparents, I alone chose what to spend them on. I opened Vanguard funds with them and with another I bought stocks in a company my grandma loved. DH had no input in that decision. I think he would have chosen to pay off our mortgage, which financially I don't agree with.

No snark, I swear. But do you do this for all income? Like if spouse gets a bonus and you want to pay mortgage and he wants to buy stock, do you get any say?

Not PP, but I did the same thing with money my mother left me.

An inheritance is not “income.“ It is family money, an inheritance.

In our family, I am the only one who gets bonuses because DH is a teacher. Of course my bonuses go into the common pot and we decide together what to do with that money, because it is earned income. The money that my mother saved for decades and left me, on the other hand, is not earned income. She left it to me in her will. It belongs to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My FIL's best friend is a horrible person that specifically wrote out all three of his children's spouses out of the will. And he claims to have done it without ill will. He just wants to be sure his wealth goes only to his children.

My FIL was so enamored with this idea actually pulled me aside to tell me that I'll never see a penny of his, no hard feelings. We are what I would say good friends too.

I was like WTF?

Guess I'm free to not help him with anything from here on out.

Maybe early dementia? He's 74.

What's wrong with that? You get inheritance via your spouse. That's a pretty normal thing to do. I wouldn't leave a DIL money, I'd leave it all to my son and grandkids. I wouldn't expect anything from my inlaws either.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Professionals in the field will tell you child only.

So people with entirely co-mingled finances would be expected to set up a solo account? I get why that's smart for asset protection but IRL it seems cold AF, like the person sees the writing on the wall.

+1. Ice cold.

When my mother died 10 years ago, yes, that is exactly what I did. My husband understood, and will likely do the same thing when his mother eventually dies.

We have been married for 25 years I’m doing just fine, thank you very much.

[Anonymous]

^^^ * and doing just fine

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Professionals in the field will tell you child only.

So people with entirely co-mingled finances would be expected to set up a solo account? I get why that's smart for asset protection but IRL it seems cold AF, like the person sees the writing on the wall.

This is what my husband did. I hate him and his parents and it truly ruined my adult life with him and didn't make for a happy household for our children. Three more years and I'm out, and I will find some way to sue him for something, since we have had to spend every dime that I have earned while he sits on his trust funding not spending a dime of it without a care in the world (he doesn't have a job). You rich people are horrible and should be left to die alone. My husband and his parents will have only each other and I hope they are miserable in their old age. When my kids are adults, they will know exactly who these people are and I promise you will never give them the time of day.

That is not what this thread is about. It is about gifts and inheritances, not trust funds. And certainly not unemployed husbands with trust funds who do not contribute to the household income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Professionals in the field will tell you child only.

So people with entirely co-mingled finances would be expected to set up a solo account? I get why that's smart for asset protection but IRL it seems cold AF, like the person sees the writing on the wall.

This is what my husband did. I hate him and his parents and it truly ruined my adult life with him and didn't make for a happy household for our children. Three more years and I'm out, and I will find some way to sue him for something, since we have had to spend every dime that I have earned while he sits on his trust funding not spending a dime of it without a care in the world (he doesn't have a job). You rich people are horrible and should be left to die alone. My husband and his parents will have only each other and I hope they are miserable in their old age. When my kids are adults, they will know exactly who these people are and I promise you will never give them the time of day.

+1

My father died when I was young (16) and my mother died when I was 28. My inheritance paid for my DH's grad school and allowed me (ie us) to not pay child care for the 3 years I was home with our twins. It didn't make sense to work as day care would eat the earnings I made and then some.

Well, DH became ex DH at 48 when his alcoholism became out of control and he started to hit. I'll never see a dime of his very large inheritance and that's not fair.

Look, it’s rough, but what you are describing is the financial deal you get in a marriage in which you do what you did. If you want modifications to it you need a prenup or a postnup or a better divorce settlement. Or you should not have been so starry-eyed on the front end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Professionals in the field will tell you child only.

So people with entirely co-mingled finances would be expected to set up a solo account? I get why that's smart for asset protection but IRL it seems cold AF, like the person sees the writing on the wall.

This is what my husband did. I hate him and his parents and it truly ruined my adult life with him and didn't make for a happy household for our children. Three more years and I'm out, and I will find some way to sue him for something, since we have had to spend every dime that I have earned while he sits on his trust funding not spending a dime of it without a care in the world (he doesn't have a job). You rich people are horrible and should be left to die alone. My husband and his parents will have only each other and I hope they are miserable in their old age. When my kids are adults, they will know exactly who these people are and I promise you will never give them the time of day.

If the trust fund is big enough- quit. He can either pay the bills or not

It's many millions of dollars. But he won't pay the bills. Then what do the kids and I do? I make just enough to cover our bills and I can't afford a new house in this area, so would have to move elsewhere. My only hope is that I can leave in a few years and he will see fit to atleast not make my buy out his half of the house. To OP: is this what you want? A spouse who hates you? Especially because you're the one inisting he not be included? You sound awful. You and all your kinds are awful.

This is OP - lady, your marital problems sounds far and away much more serious than if my parents give me a one time or yearly gift of $15k.