What happens to my kids if DH and I are hospitalized at the same time?

[Anonymous]

Talk to neighbors and have a plan in place.

If I was your neighbor I would take your kids in. I have done it looking after kids when neighbors were pregnant and had to go to the hospital in the middle of the night.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you need to be clear/transparent with your father and brother. i.e. we are trying to plan for the worst case scenario and I need to know if you'd be there for us or if you'd let our children go to foster care. Then write it down, give your nanny their contact information and give them hers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have several families that I know would take our kids in in case of an emergency, and either of our moms could fly here in a pinch.

This has actually sort of happened (my DH was on his deathbed at one point a few years ago), and our kids stayed with friends until my mom could fly in.

Right, so your circumstances are totally different from mine. Got it. I don’t have what you have, as explained in my OP.

And...I made a suggestion immediately right below that...maybe this is why you don't have any friends that would help you with this.

Op here. As explained in my OP, I moved to a new city just a few weeks before lock down, meeting people has been hard.

I just get tired of people who have the privilege of helpful family being unable to recognize that not everyone has that. My friends try to tell me how they have “no help” with their kids when they do in fact have parents who help. It just gets tiresome. Obviously if I had a helpful mom, I could come up with a plan here until she arrives. I don’t have that.

I dunno, OP, the way I see it with COVID even those of us living in the same place for many years with family close by still face very similar problems you would have with double hospitalizations. My parents are in their 70s so would not, not, NOT come take care of my DD if she was exposed to us with COVID. I have close family 90 minutes away, they are parents to a special needs adult who is high-risk, and they are nearing 60, no way I would want them coming. I have plenty of friends who are capable of managing a toddler for a week or two, but would they want to be exposed intentionally? Could I even ask them? What if they got sick and died from doing this big favor? I cannot even fathom. And a nanny is still a human with a family and his/her own health to worry about -- I don't think our nanny would be interested at all, no matter how much cash we could cough up, she has a small child at home and is very worried about the virus herself. Why would she come expose herself and isolate from her family for God knows how long?

I'm not trying to escalate the fear here, because they chances of this is very very small if you are able to stay home and distance. This all sucks and is super scary FOR EVERYONE which is why everyone should stay home as much as they can and wear a mask only when you must be out for essential needs. If one of you or DH has to work outside the home in a high-risk environment, then maybe you should take steps now to separate and prevent both of you getting it. It sucks, it's scary, but remember on some level we are all in the same boat. You aren't alone in this vulnerability or fear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have several families that I know would take our kids in in case of an emergency, and either of our moms could fly here in a pinch.

This has actually sort of happened (my DH was on his deathbed at one point a few years ago), and our kids stayed with friends until my mom could fly in.

Right, so your circumstances are totally different from mine. Got it. I don’t have what you have, as explained in my OP.

And...I made a suggestion immediately right below that...maybe this is why you don't have any friends that would help you with this.

Op here. As explained in my OP, I moved to a new city just a few weeks before lock down, meeting people has been hard.

I just get tired of people who have the privilege of helpful family being unable to recognize that not everyone has that. My friends try to tell me how they have “no help” with their kids when they do in fact have parents who help. It just gets tiresome. Obviously if I had a helpful mom, I could come up with a plan here until she arrives. I don’t have that.

I dunno, OP, the way I see it with COVID even those of us living in the same place for many years with family close by still face very similar problems you would have with double hospitalizations. My parents are in their 70s so would not, not, NOT come take care of my DD if she was exposed to us with COVID. I have close family 90 minutes away, they are parents to a special needs adult who is high-risk, and they are nearing 60, no way I would want them coming. I have plenty of friends who are capable of managing a toddler for a week or two, but would they want to be exposed intentionally? Could I even ask them? What if they got sick and died from doing this big favor? I cannot even fathom. And a nanny is still a human with a family and his/her own health to worry about -- I don't think our nanny would be interested at all, no matter how much cash we could cough up, she has a small child at home and is very worried about the virus herself. Why would she come expose herself and isolate from her family for God knows how long?

I'm not trying to escalate the fear here, because they chances of this is very very small if you are able to stay home and distance. This all sucks and is super scary FOR EVERYONE which is why everyone should stay home as much as they can and wear a mask only when you must be out for essential needs. If one of you or DH has to work outside the home in a high-risk environment, then maybe you should take steps now to separate and prevent both of you getting it. It sucks, it's scary, but remember on some level we are all in the same boat. You aren't alone in this vulnerability or fear.

This.

Our backup emergency care for our 4yo and infant involves my local parents, who are relatively healthy and active but in their early 70s with additional risk factors. FIL lives in FL and is also in his 70s with other risk factors. BIL and his family are in CA. I don't see where we have any friends who would be willing to put their families at risk by taking in 2 small children with covid exposure, and the kids are in daycare, so nanny isn't an option, either.
It is a scary prospect, which is why I am doing as much as I can to avoid getting sick.

[Anonymous]

Same here. Why would friends trying to protect their own family take care of possibly covid kids. Grandparents are old. My previous nanny actually quit on me because she thought we could give her covid. I was planning to beg my church in case something happened, and then a set of our close friends got covid and recovered and are now willing to be our backup plan. But everyone is in the same boat OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend and I made a pact as soon as COVID began that we'd basically drop everything to take each ithers kids if both parents were hospitalized.

Otherwise yes your nanny (or a nanny friend of hers). Or nanny during the day, puts kids to bed, and the local family you have just stays overnight then nanny back in the morning.

I think you'd be surprised tho OP. I'd take anyone's kids if truly needed, even an acquaintance or friend of a friend.

+1.

Me too.

[Anonymous]

Don’t even waste a moment worrying, OP, it’s not going to happen that you both get it and get so sick you’re hospitalized! Extremely unlikely for 30-40 year olds!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem is that it’s an infectious disease.

I would not be willing to risk my life to care for a friend’s kids.

I would take a friend’s kids right now if needed. For someone with my profile, the chances of a terrible outcome are very low. Low enough that I would not allow a child of a friend to go to foster care if I could help.

[Anonymous]

The nanny. At that point, money would be lesser concern

But I think it’s a little dystopian to assume two healthy young ish adults would both be hospitalized at any point. Covid generally isn’t this bad.

[Anonymous]

I don't know you but if these were my relatives or friends I would fly in to help.

[Anonymous]

I love that you mention that the nanny would be too expensive.

So, foster care it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The nanny. At that point, money would be lesser concern

But I think it’s a little dystopian to assume two healthy young ish adults would both be hospitalized at any point. Covid generally isn’t this bad.

+1000

My fears are around car accidents

[Anonymous]

this happened to me -recently. I had appendicitis and was screaming in pain. a call to 911 and i had to leave my child with my DINK neighbors. The girl called her sister so their nephew could come and keep company. When i say desperate breeds innovation-i didn't have the wherewithall to ask anything about covid testing/exposure or any of that other nonsense. I was literally feeling like i was about to die and with no family around..no real friends who opted to stay local-i took the only care I could get. OP you will indeed figure it out. reach out to anyone you trust ever so slightly if you can. there are more kind people than not. nurse let me use her charger so i could facetime my baby. i was devastated that I did not have the ideal village-but there was one all along.

[Anonymous]

I really feel bad for people without a village. Honestly this is why I'm grateful to be in a religious community. People I barely know but have seen at services like 2x have offered to watch my kid when i had to go to the hospital. I hope never to need it but I don't know another context where you can so easily make relationships.

[Anonymous]

Jeez, you need to relax. What are the odds that you will both be hospitalized at the same time. You have a nanny, she can step in briefly and other family can fly in within a few days. Join a church and make some friends. Say hello to your neighbors. There are a ton of good people who would help out with little children. Heck, if I lived near you and didn’t know you and heard your little ones were without care I’d step in until other family or friends could take over.