What happens to my kids if DH and I are hospitalized at the same time?

[Anonymous]

I have been concerned about this too re. COVID. The problem is, if I am hospitalized (single mom) all the people who could normally take my child won’t be able to, because he will likely be exposed and infectious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn't that something you figure out the first day they are born?

Not necessarily - the people who took my kids in for a week are not the same people who would be their guardians if we both died.

And yes, I worry frequently what will happen if DH and I were to both die or get sick. We came from rough childhoods and family is not an option. We are also both very introverted and have moved frequently for our careers and don’t have many close friends. It’s something that bothers me a lot. I’ve tried to rally/cultivate/facilitate a couple different family members to have a relationship with my kids and it hasn’t worked out and they have let me down in ways that make me think I can’t count on them to be there for my children.

My children have never met my mother or MIL, who are both abusive addicts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have several families that I know would take our kids in in case of an emergency, and either of our moms could fly here in a pinch.

This has actually sort of happened (my DH was on his deathbed at one point a few years ago), and our kids stayed with friends until my mom could fly in.

Right, so your circumstances are totally different from mine. Got it. I don’t have what you have, as explained in my OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Isn't that something you figure out the first day they are born?

Nasty unnecessary response. Read the very first sentence of OP's post. Then go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been concerned about this too re. COVID. The problem is, if I am hospitalized (single mom) all the people who could normally take my child won’t be able to, because he will likely be exposed and infectious.

Op here, exactly!! It’s so scary. And my kids are so young and demanding. I’m not sure anyone could handle them, and I don’t have the sort of family that’s ever shown up for me in the past.

[Anonymous]

My friend and I made a pact as soon as COVID began that we'd basically drop everything to take each ithers kids if both parents were hospitalized.

Otherwise yes your nanny (or a nanny friend of hers). Or nanny during the day, puts kids to bed, and the local family you have just stays overnight then nanny back in the morning.

I think you'd be surprised tho OP. I'd take anyone's kids if truly needed, even an acquaintance or friend of a friend.

[Anonymous]

Op join a religious group that you identify with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have several families that I know would take our kids in in case of an emergency, and either of our moms could fly here in a pinch.

This has actually sort of happened (my DH was on his deathbed at one point a few years ago), and our kids stayed with friends until my mom could fly in.

Right, so your circumstances are totally different from mine. Got it. I don’t have what you have, as explained in my OP.

And...I made a suggestion immediately right below that...maybe this is why you don't have any friends that would help you with this.

[Anonymous]

Your church may be able to help you, if you've joined one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Until you make friends, would you ask your nanny if she would take them if necessary? I mean, it probably won't happen, but you might as well think about it.

Eventually, you'll make friends (I mean, when Covid restrictions are over and you can actually MEET people!) and that won't be necessary.

Also, in an emergency, perhaps your relatives could do it? I mean, not as a vacation, but should push come to shove, is it possible they could do it? Not to perfection, there would be more tv and pizza than block building and vegetables, but could they get it done? IT NOT, then ask your nanny.

I’ll ask our nanny. She’d probably want to take them to her house instead of ours but I guess it’s better than the alternative.

The nearby family includes loving grandparents (mine-so my kids great grandparents). They just physically couldn’t do it, but they could maybe help coordinate logistics to get someone else here.

Other family would be two plane rides away. I have a childless brother and sister in law, but they are in their 20s and I’m not sure they would show up for me like this.

DH and I both come from extraordinarily dysfunctional families and our children haven’t met most of our family members, including our mothers. I have a nice dad but he’s an absent minded professor type and just a total hippie. I’m not sure he could keep a toddler alive.

My childless brother showed up for me in an emergency sort of like this. He drove straight here after working a college bowl game one time and another time came up over a holiday weekend when we were both down with food poisoning. It might be worth asking them and stressing it be in a dire emergency. I bet they would help.

[Anonymous]

When you’re desperate even those whom you don’t think could manage your children can be a resource. People step up and you drop your standards. But fortunately it is unlikely that you will ever have to find out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been concerned about this too re. COVID. The problem is, if I am hospitalized (single mom) all the people who could normally take my child won’t be able to, because he will likely be exposed and infectious.

I would take a friend’s child even if the parent had Covid. I would go to the child’s house and leave my husband/kids at home to limit exposure.

[Anonymous]

U have your children go to their great grandparents house and hire a temporary full time live in nanny to stay at heir home. Most foster care situations are infamously neglectful and at worst abusive. They may even spilt the boys up.

[Anonymous]

If you don't have other options then pre-register with a nanny service or ask around now for a few 20 somethings in the neighborhood who would watch the kids for pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:U have your children go to their great grandparents house and hire a temporary full time live in nanny to stay at heir home. Most foster care situations are infamously neglectful and at worst abusive. They may even spilt the boys up.

If I’m hospitalized how would I arrange hiring a full time nanny?

My grandparents are in their 90s, there is no way they could even lift my 1.5 year old or catch him if he ran away from them.