Have you ever learned to be more submissive?

[Anonymous]

I’m a DW married for 3 years and I was a self centered only child who struggled in marriage. I’ve definitely learned to compromise and choose my battles. I let things (that truly aren’t important to me) go. I try to think of the end result and how it will impact me and my family. If it’s no significant impact, I let it go. I think that energy is reciprocated from my DH. I do feel like we’re happier as a result.

[Anonymous]

If your SO is caring, loving, respectful, and worth the effort changing your behavior to create peace is exactly what you should do. Don’t change who you are. Simply change the way you react to fights, disagreements, and anything that causes tension between the two of you. I think you know your SO would do anything to make you happy. Sometimes he/she f’s up. Hell, no ones perfect. Don’t forget the things that made you fall in love. Try to remember those things when times get tough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m very strong willed and argumentative by nature. I love to debate issues and show you why I’m so smart! I’m a litigation attorney and female. Basically - what every man hates when he thinks about dating lawyer.

In my first marriage, I had to win every fight. My exH got worn down on the process. He also developed a very mean side when we fought and would fight dirty.

After living through all those insults, I’m now conflict avoidant in personal relationships. In my current marriage, I’m much more subdued and can stop and ask myself whether winning an argument is going to hurt my spouse. I frequently look the other way on things - like his notes on how I load the dishwasher wrong, comments on my driving, and home decor choices. I just smile and keep my mouth shut.

OP here. Thanks for sharing. This is me. I really relate to how you were in first marriage, and I’m hoping I can learn and implement your lessons without getting a divorce.

DP. I was the first poster and you. I was able to change, but resentment built on his end. It was like I treated him with the same gloves, we beat each other down, then I said no more. I changed. I quieted. I smiled. He got pissed and wanted to use the credit he had been saving against me. Both people have to work, not just one. Even if you do change, he has to appreciate and respect it. Everyone has a role. I hope you can save your marriage, and I hope your husband can save your marriage too. It will take mutual trust in the process. It is hard to do, even harder to be with someone that doesn’t want to change.

This is pretty much my exact situation. Thank you for this post. Trying to save my marriage, but not sure that is feasible.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't use the word "submissive." But I have a tendency to be overly opinionated and to butt in/talk over my husband. I have been trying to stop but it's really hard.

[Anonymous]

Not getting your way all the time/needing to win every argument does not equal submissive. It equals adult.

"Strong willed" is the positive spin on stubborn, argumentative.

I don't back down if something is very important to me (deep values safety etc). But other stuff I let slide. I honestly I would not want to be in a relationship where either if us always had to have their way/be right. I teach my kids how to resolve conflict and use empathy, so I need to do it do..I dont consider it submission either. I can always express my feelings and thoughts but I also acknowledge my spouse's viewpoint and opinions. We work it out .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s called negotiating, OP. Mutual respect in a partnership.

+1

To answer your question OP, yes I did but I wouldn’t call it more submissive I would say I learned to compromise and be less of a selfish jerk. I backslide sometimes but I’m trying!