Have you ever learned to be more submissive?

[Anonymous]

Anyone here super strong willed, but been inspired to become a little more submissive in order to create peace in a relationship? Were you able to make this change permanently?

[Anonymous]

You mean like surrendered wife techniques?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You mean like surrendered wife techniques?

I'm not familiar with the techniques, but my question applies to men or women. I'm just generally asking if anyone has experience with turning down their strong willed nature a notch successfully, for the benefit of a loving partner.

[Anonymous]

It’s called negotiating, OP. Mutual respect in a partnership.

[Anonymous]

I had the opposite problem, and I've had to learn to speak up in a timely manner, firmly and courteously, instead of stewing silently and then blowing up. I was a complete doormat before!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You mean like surrendered wife techniques?

lol

OP, maybe you meant "compromise". Yes, you have to learn to compromise in a relationship to make it work.


As an aside, my DH bought me some red scarves to tie him down with to submit to my demands LOL

[Anonymous]

Yes. I learned to say a lot of pushy or even mean things silently instead of out loud. I did that for years and now I rarely even think these things. Also I learned to pick my battles, I chose a few specific things to push back on and let the rest go. I am DW and my husband is pretty gentle so I felt I owed it to him to pull back my bulldozer tendencies.

[Anonymous]

I would never say submissive but I have compromised and I do let things go that years ago I'd have made a stink about.

Funnily enough my pre-teen daughter will often vocalise what I may have said years ago but can't be bothered to now.

For example, my DH works really long hours and pre-Covid was often traveling about 50% of the time every month. He decided to take up meditation which meant weekend meetings and then 20 mins every morning and evening to himself.

I said if it helped him, go right ahead. My DD said "Oh great, so you spend even LESS time with the family!"

Out of the mouths of babes.

[Anonymous]

Cooperation and teamwork? Yeah, I learned those things a long time ago. Elementary school probably.

[Anonymous]

I am very successful. I let my husband take the lead on a lot of things because it is easier and takes it off my plate. He is amazing in bed, so I have not problem being submissive in that sense as well. The freedom it provides is worth it.

[Anonymous]

I’m very strong willed and argumentative by nature. I love to debate issues and show you why I’m so smart! I’m a litigation attorney and female. Basically - what every man hates when he thinks about dating lawyer.

In my first marriage, I had to win every fight. My exH got worn down on the process. He also developed a very mean side when we fought and would fight dirty.

After living through all those insults, I’m now conflict avoidant in personal relationships. In my current marriage, I’m much more subdued and can stop and ask myself whether winning an argument is going to hurt my spouse. I frequently look the other way on things - like his notes on how I load the dishwasher wrong, comments on my driving, and home decor choices. I just smile and keep my mouth shut.

[Anonymous]

It’s called compromise. All happy marriages require it.

[Anonymous]

THere's an expression - do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m very strong willed and argumentative by nature. I love to debate issues and show you why I’m so smart! I’m a litigation attorney and female. Basically - what every man hates when he thinks about dating lawyer.

In my first marriage, I had to win every fight. My exH got worn down on the process. He also developed a very mean side when we fought and would fight dirty.

After living through all those insults, I’m now conflict avoidant in personal relationships. In my current marriage, I’m much more subdued and can stop and ask myself whether winning an argument is going to hurt my spouse. I frequently look the other way on things - like his notes on how I load the dishwasher wrong, comments on my driving, and home decor choices. I just smile and keep my mouth shut.

Omg same. I’m literally battle weary and never want to argue again.

[Anonymous]

I did the surrendered and empowered wife stuff, and to be honest it did help. But I was also a naggy, shrew of a wife. I don’t know how I became that way, but the books did help. I basically was just bossing my DH around all the time, and nothing good came of it. I let a lot of stuff go now, but frankly it’s things I never should have been worked up about. I would rather my DH feel happy and not emasculated by me rather than dictate nonsense.