Have you ever learned to be more submissive?

[Anonymous]

Why the hell would I want to do this?

[Anonymous]

There's a large middle ground between strong willed and submisso. The fact you don't see that is interesting.does comrpomo feel like submission to you? Only if everything is seen as zero sum win-lose.

Anyway I pick my battles, things I won't compromise on.. I give up others entirely And work toward mutual.co.promise with others..but it is exhausting and silencing to be with someone who is always aaswrtif themselves , won't back down is always justified/right, sees every as win-lose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why the hell would I want to do this?

I said the exact same thing out loud.

[Anonymous]

I'm not argumentative and I tend to avoid conflict, but I'm also super independent. I just want to do my own thing, you can join me or not kind of attitude. I quickly learned that doesn't work well in a marriage . I had to learn to compromise, and even simple things like letting DH know if I was going to be home late from work (pre-kids) - initially it felt like I was "being controlled" when it's actually just showing respect for the partner. DH would never call me 'submissive' even now, but I'm much better at working together! Sometimes that means I give in a little to what he wants or needs, sometimes it means he gives in for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a large middle ground between strong willed and submisso. The fact you don't see that is interesting.does comrpomo feel like submission to you? Only if everything is seen as zero sum win-lose.

Anyway I pick my battles, things I won't compromise on.. I give up others entirely And work toward mutual.co.promise with others..but it is exhausting and silencing to be with someone who is always aaswrtif themselves , won't back down is always justified/right, sees every as win-lose.

OP here. I agree there is a middle ground. I thought my post spoke to that. I was asking how to be more submissive, not a submissive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m very strong willed and argumentative by nature. I love to debate issues and show you why I’m so smart! I’m a litigation attorney and female. Basically - what every man hates when he thinks about dating lawyer.

In my first marriage, I had to win every fight. My exH got worn down on the process. He also developed a very mean side when we fought and would fight dirty.

After living through all those insults, I’m now conflict avoidant in personal relationships. In my current marriage, I’m much more subdued and can stop and ask myself whether winning an argument is going to hurt my spouse. I frequently look the other way on things - like his notes on how I load the dishwasher wrong, comments on my driving, and home decor choices. I just smile and keep my mouth shut.

OP here. Thanks for sharing. This is me. I really relate to how you were in first marriage, and I’m hoping I can learn and implement your lessons without getting a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a large middle ground between strong willed and submisso. The fact you don't see that is interesting.does comrpomo feel like submission to you? Only if everything is seen as zero sum win-lose.

Anyway I pick my battles, things I won't compromise on.. I give up others entirely And work toward mutual.co.promise with others..but it is exhausting and silencing to be with someone who is always aaswrtif themselves , won't back down is always justified/right, sees every as win-lose.

OP here. I agree there is a middle ground. I thought my post spoke to that. I was asking how to be more submissive, not a submissive.

It sounds like the word you are looking for is cooperative.

[Anonymous]

DW is pretty aggressive. A lot of the time, it is just not worth it and I do not enjoy fights at all. She does not mind it and maybe even enjoys them a little.

So most of the time I give in. It makes for a smoother relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DW is pretty aggressive. A lot of the time, it is just not worth it and I do not enjoy fights at all. She does not mind it and maybe even enjoys them a little.

So most of the time I give in. It makes for a smoother relationship.

How long have you been married? Seems like this is certain to build resentment.

[Anonymous]

Huh? No. Submission implies not expressing my feelings or needs. If I can't do that, what's the point?

[Anonymous]

LOL

[Anonymous]

Is this sex talk?

[Anonymous]

No. Learn to let go of every little thing? yes.

[Anonymous]

Psychologically healthy men don't actually respect a pushover. They want a strong teammate, someone who balances them and has equally good judgment. And calls them out when they are wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DW is pretty aggressive. A lot of the time, it is just not worth it and I do not enjoy fights at all. She does not mind it and maybe even enjoys them a little.

So most of the time I give in. It makes for a smoother relationship.

How long have you been married? Seems like this is certain to build resentment.

Weird how all the women saying the same thing (I look the other way when he criticizes how I load the dishwasher/decorate) are applauded for "submission" and a man saying he chooses not to argue back gets people rushing in to soothe his ego.

That's exactly why "learning to be more submissive" is BS. It's barely repackaged misogyny.