Reply to Have you ever learned to be more submissive?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m very strong willed and argumentative by nature. I love to debate issues and show you why I’m so smart!  I’m a litigation attorney and female. Basically - what every man hates when he thinks about dating lawyer.

In my first marriage, I had to win every fight. My exH got worn down on the process. He also developed a very mean side when we fought and would fight dirty.

After living through all those insults, I’m now conflict avoidant in personal relationships. In my current marriage, I’m much more subdued and can stop and ask myself whether winning an argument is going to hurt my spouse. I frequently look the other way on things - like his notes on how I load the dishwasher wrong, comments on my driving, and home decor choices. I just smile and keep my mouth shut. [/quote]

OP here. Thanks for sharing. This is me. I really relate to how you were in first marriage, and I’m hoping I can learn and implement your lessons without getting a divorce.[/quote]

DP. I was the first poster and you. I was able to change, but resentment built on his end. It was like I treated him with the same gloves, we beat each other down, then I said no more. I changed. I quieted. I smiled. He got pissed and wanted to use the credit he had been saving against me. Both people have to work, not just one. Even if you do change, he has to appreciate and respect it. Everyone has a role. I hope you can save your marriage, and I hope your husband can save your marriage too. It will take mutual trust in the process. It is hard to do, even harder to be with someone that doesn’t want to change.[/quote]

This is pretty much my exact situation. Thank you for this post. Trying to save my marriage, but not sure that is feasible.[/quote]

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