Convince me to have more than 1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. Stick with one. Sure, you have make sure he gets socialization and he'll have to learn to be someone independent. But if you have two, you also have to worry about sibling rivalry. It's a wash.

With one, it's easier to travel and you can do more interesting things. You'll have more energy, both for your kid and for your relationship and career. Studies have shown that mothers peak in happiness with one kid and it declines with each subsequent child. That doesn't mean all moms regret having multiple kids (I'm sure many would have it no other way), but those childhood years are tough and with each additional child you are adding years of being the primary parent. It is much harder on women.

I love our family of three and wouldn't have it any other way. I fretted about having a second when my kid was that age, too, and got lots of pressure from friends and family. I also loved the baby stage and was a bit sad to realize I wouldn't do it again. But I'm so glad I resisted the pressure.

Plus, as we start thinking about both her college costs and our own retirement, I love that we have so many more options both for her and for us. Having a second might not have strained our finances that much when they were small, but wow can you give your kids more opportunities when they are older if you limit how many kids you have. When our kid has an interest or an opportunity, it's rare that we can't make an investment in it. And we can do that without having to have two high pressure or high paying jobs -- we've both always chosen work/life balance over ambition, so we've gotten to enjoy our lives and still have enough for college and retirement. If we'd had a second, we would have had to make different, less appealing choices, in order to give them both the same opportunities.

So no, I won't convince you to have another. If it's what you want, you'll do it anyway. But I am here to tell you that you can live an amazing, happy life with an only child and I would recommend it to anyone who is considering it.

im not OP, but in a similar situation. we have 1. ill be 38 in November. I've had three mom friends lap me in baby making. its enough to make me question only having one. i cant imagine giving birth in COVID times. i can't imagine doing gestation through 2 years old again.

thank you for sharing your story!

[Anonymous]

If there’s any question, don’t do it.

[Anonymous]

Parents of only children are happier than parents of multiple children, in every study

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are so conflicted about having a second and I am feeling the pressure about it. Our DS is 15 months and all over the place. We are exhausted and COVID has obviously thrown a wrench in things. DH took a pay cut and money was tight with one in daycare to begin with. I am 37 so don’t want to wait much longer, but the thought of going through pregnancy, no sleep, struggling financially, and this maniac stage he is in, is making me think maybe 1 is for us. Is this normal? I don’t want to wait much longer but also don’t want to regret Not having a second. How do you decide?!

This is exactly why looking back, I accidentally got pregnant with #2. #1 was a really hard baby, and I do t think I ever would have been ready. Three years later I couldn’t be happier to have them both. They are the best of friends (norm just under two years apart). I will add the caveat that it was very hard on my marriage. One would have been much much easier.

[Anonymous]

This is OP. Thanks for the replies. I could have worded it better, as I don’t need “convincing” but someone to tell me it gets easier. I am someone with anxiety and the thought of pregnancy, covid, the stress of money and our relationship Makes me hesitant. DS has been such a good baby (Knock on wood), but DH and I are so exhausted I just can’t imagine when I’ll be ready again. But if a family or friend ask one more time “when are you having another” I may scream.

[Anonymous]

It does get easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:All your eggs being in one basket is very, very stressful. Everything became so much easier and laid back after I had a second child.

PP here - to add, when my parents were deciding, Dad said that he wanted to have either no kids or at least two. His aunt and uncle had lost their only child and it destroyed them.

That's some really strange logic.

Agree. Is PP essentially saying "an heir and a spare?"????

Not only that but losing a child is devastating, no matter how many children you have.

OP here: I've known multiple people who've lost a child.

It was awful for all of them. But the ones who had more than one did a lot better over the long term. The world ended for my great-uncle and great-aunt when their son died. It continued for my cousins after their youngest was killed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The first kid will really like having a sibling (usually), especially when they are older.

I didn't like having a sibling. My kid likes not having siblings.

[Anonymous]

If you are not over the moon overjoyed at the thought of a second, don't have another. The time, money and stress are a significant burden.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are not over the moon overjoyed at the thought of a second, don't have another. The time, money and stress are a significant burden.

I was not over the moon overjoyed at the idea of having either of my kids, and I'm a good parent and madly in love with them.

I don't like this myth that you have to know without a shadow of a doubt if you want something.

What you really have to know about yourself is that you're resilient and can handle what comes to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It does get easier.

But for many people, not for a long time. For me it got easier when the younger one was 4. So seven really hard years, since they were three years apart.

[Anonymous]

I think it all depends on the personalities of the kids you get.

1 is a lot easier than 2, but there are exponentially more joys with 2.

Having 2 gave me perspective that I didn’t have with 1, and it’s amazing to see how different my kids are despite being raised in the same house.

I was on the fence with having my last one, but took the plunge when I thought I might regret not going for it. The tough (physically exhausting) part goes fast and tbh it was so much easier the 2nd time around since I had some confidence and knew what we were doing.

[Anonymous]

Not trying to convince you of anything. But I didn’t feel ready to even try until my first DC turned 2. Frankly the age 1-2 is really rough (esp if you have a super active boy like I did). I went on to have DCs 2 & 3. All the kids are 2 years 9 months apart!

[Anonymous]

If you need to be convinced, the answer is no. Also, you could go for #2 and have twins (happens!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Thanks for the replies. I could have worded it better, as I don’t need “convincing” but someone to tell me it gets easier. I am someone with anxiety and the thought of pregnancy, covid, the stress of money and our relationship Makes me hesitant. DS has been such a good baby (Knock on wood), but DH and I are so exhausted I just can’t imagine when I’ll be ready again. But if a family or friend ask one more time “when are you having another” I may scream.

What do you say when people ask you that?