Chrissy Teigen surprise natural conception. Sigh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dislike her and this only intensifies it.

I am sorry for your pain but jealousy like this is ugly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just had a social distanced coffee w an old friend that doesn’t use facebook. she has a 6 year old from ivf and showed up 6 months pregnant last week. A covid “oopsie” at 43.5. I barely made it thru. She even told me to “just have a date night” and it will happen. I was livid inside.

YIKES. That was mighty thoughtless. Also sorry lady but "date night" is not a term I associate with genuine sexiness at all.

I bet this OP hasn't told her friend about her infertility struggles. How are friends supposed to know if we're not open and honest about our struggles?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s also interesting because she had her breast implants removed before she found out she was pregnant.

You mean the implants caused infertility?

No, PP means she underwent an elective surgery while pregnant without realizing she was pregnant. That's kind of scary to think about.

She was pregnant but had a negative pregnancy test right before the surgery. She said she was terrified when she found out she was pregnant after that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dislike her and this only intensifies it.

I am sorry for your pain but jealousy like this is ugly.

I agree with you! I don’t like feeling this way. I’m certainly not commenting on any of her social media or sharing these feelings anywhere other than an anonymous forum. I hate what infertility has done to me. I spend a decent amount of time smiling and being happy for people I know IRL who announce pregnancies, baby photos etc. I do not ever say anything self-centered or unkind to them. I’m sincerely happy for them. But yeah, it hurts to be infertile, and I already find CT insufferable and this makes her even more irritating to me and yup I’m going to say that anonymously here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just had a social distanced coffee w an old friend that doesn’t use facebook. she has a 6 year old from ivf and showed up 6 months pregnant last week. A covid “oopsie” at 43.5. I barely made it thru. She even told me to “just have a date night” and it will happen. I was livid inside.

YIKES. That was mighty thoughtless. Also sorry lady but "date night" is not a term I associate with genuine sexiness at all.

I bet this OP hasn't told her friend about her infertility struggles. How are friends supposed to know if we're not open and honest about our struggles?

Hi PP here. She 100% knows, we’ve talked about it candidly since she had to do several rounds for her 6 year old son and knows the hell I went thru to get my DD and the last 3 years of loss after loss for a sibling. Also she has 3 embryos still on ice. I assumed in the split second I saw her she must have done a successful FET but then she was all like - nope! Natural surprise. So yeah - I was blindsided twice in 20 seconds.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I've typed out a few replies but haven't hit submit yet. It's really disappointing to see this thread turn on itself. Usually the Infertility sub is kinder than the rest of DCUM. I'm sorry to the PP that got blindsided by her friend - people really forget and say dumb things after they've had success.

To others, toxic positivity is harmful. It's okay to have negative emotions in hard situations. I think many of us ARE in therapy and no therapist worth their salt will tell you to pretend like you're not feeling jealousy and you should feel guilty for feeling natural, reasonable emotions. We've had consults at multiple clinics and are done with treatment. Our options are donor or adoption, which we currently can't afford since we spent our savings on IVF cycles. We're grieving the family we are letting go of and working hard to accept what that means for our future. That is HARD stuff and if you never reached the end of the line with infertility treatment, respectfully you truly just don't know. Nobody goes into infertility treatment thinking that it won't work. Infertility is so hard, but the loss and pain of stopping treatment is a different kind of grief.

I hope this response is helpful to others. And I hope it puts some of the lashing out comments into perspective. I don't know what road every PP is walking, but I suspect it's not too far from mine. Grief is hard. It's not fair and I don't know why it had to happen to us. They say grief gets better with time, I hope for all of us that's true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just had a social distanced coffee w an old friend that doesn’t use facebook. she has a 6 year old from ivf and showed up 6 months pregnant last week. A covid “oopsie” at 43.5. I barely made it thru. She even told me to “just have a date night” and it will happen. I was livid inside.

YIKES. That was mighty thoughtless. Also sorry lady but "date night" is not a term I associate with genuine sexiness at all.

I bet this OP hasn't told her friend about her infertility struggles. How are friends supposed to know if we're not open and honest about our struggles?

Hi PP here. She 100% knows, we’ve talked about it candidly since she had to do several rounds for her 6 year old son and knows the hell I went thru to get my DD and the last 3 years of loss after loss for a sibling. Also she has 3 embryos still on ice. I assumed in the split second I saw her she must have done a successful FET but then she was all like - nope! Natural surprise. So yeah - I was blindsided twice in 20 seconds.

How did you want her to tell you? Serious question. Would it have been better if she just dropped it in an email? Should she just have lied about how the conception happened? I guess I'd like to be sensitive to struggling friends (it took me nearly 3 years & assistance to have my oldest, so I've been there), but I just don't understand how just showing up pregnant (not like she has a choice on that other than just avoiding you) and telling you the truth when you asked is insensitive...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand that this is crushing.

I do think that there is some evidence that if a woman can get pregnant with assistance if can sometimes kick-start natural things, and this isn't guaranteed but also not uncommon.

+1 this happened to my cousin. IVF for first two pregnancies, surprise oops third pregnancy.

I know 3 women this happened to.

The point that brings pain is that you don't know the women this did NOT happen for. You only hear when it happens. Which means to you, it seems common. When in reality for everyone woman this happens to, there is a woman feeling lonely and longing because she never had her "miracle" pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

/\/\ Not that PP, but I would want a text beforehand, or yes an email. "Hey just heads up that I'm pregnant. Just didn't want you to be surprised!" And I think it's fine to say "it was actually a natural conception, totally took us by surprise!", but never in a million years should "just have a date night" cross her lips.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand that this is crushing.

I do think that there is some evidence that if a woman can get pregnant with assistance if can sometimes kick-start natural things, and this isn't guaranteed but also not uncommon.

+1 this happened to my cousin. IVF for first two pregnancies, surprise oops third pregnancy.

I know 3 women this happened to.

The point that brings pain is that you don't know the women this did NOT happen for. You only hear when it happens. Which means to you, it seems common. When in reality for everyone woman this happens to, there is a woman feeling lonely and longing because she never had her "miracle" pregnancy.

I get that, but I (+1 PP) was just reacting to the idea upthread that CT was lying for attention or embellishing the story for PR. It can and does happen. It's shitty that it doesn't happen for everyone who wants it, but I don't think she's lying about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand that this is crushing.

I do think that there is some evidence that if a woman can get pregnant with assistance if can sometimes kick-start natural things, and this isn't guaranteed but also not uncommon.

+1 this happened to my cousin. IVF for first two pregnancies, surprise oops third pregnancy.

I know 3 women this happened to.

The point that brings pain is that you don't know the women this did NOT happen for. You only hear when it happens. Which means to you, it seems common. When in reality for everyone woman this happens to, there is a woman feeling lonely and longing because she never had her "miracle" pregnancy.

I get that, but I (+1 PP) was just reacting to the idea upthread that CT was lying for attention or embellishing the story for PR. It can and does happen. It's shitty that it doesn't happen for everyone who wants it, but I don't think she's lying about this.

Nobody said she was lying or embellishing before the original PP posted (that was the third reply on the entire thread). The discussion about lying was about her potentially lying about when she had surgery, not when or how she got pregnant.

And yes depending on the cause of infertility, a successful pregnancy can sometimes help future fertility. But not always or even commonly, and everyone already knows the story of the surprise miracle. The PP who said you only hear when it happens is right. It's just an unpleasant reminder for those of us that don't get our miracles. Even my eternally optimistic DH is sick of the surprise miracle stories at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand that this is crushing.

I do think that there is some evidence that if a woman can get pregnant with assistance if can sometimes kick-start natural things, and this isn't guaranteed but also not uncommon.

+1 this happened to my cousin. IVF for first two pregnancies, surprise oops third pregnancy.

I know 3 women this happened to.

The point that brings pain is that you don't know the women this did NOT happen for. You only hear when it happens. Which means to you, it seems common. When in reality for everyone woman this happens to, there is a woman feeling lonely and longing because she never had her "miracle" pregnancy.

I get that, but I (+1 PP) was just reacting to the idea upthread that CT was lying for attention or embellishing the story for PR. It can and does happen. It's shitty that it doesn't happen for everyone who wants it, but I don't think she's lying about this.

Nobody said she was lying or embellishing before the original PP posted (that was the third reply on the entire thread). The discussion about lying was about her potentially lying about when she had surgery, not when or how she got pregnant.

And yes depending on the cause of infertility, a successful pregnancy can sometimes help future fertility. But not always or even commonly, and everyone already knows the story of the surprise miracle. The PP who said you only hear when it happens is right. It's just an unpleasant reminder for those of us that don't get our miracles. Even my eternally optimistic DH is sick of the surprise miracle stories at this point.

You're right, I've been back to this thread too many times and it's a jumble in my mind. But somebody later on did say that her PR team crafted the story, and I did not get the impression that comment was surgery-related.

[Anonymous]

Chrissy Teigen revealed she’s on bed rest with severe placental bleeding (subchorionic hematoma, perhaps?). That sucks because she’s well before the point of viability for a premature delivery.

Bottom line is even when other people seem to have it easy on the infertility journey they often don’t. And no matter where you are on that journey - and many of us on it for YEARS - it’s painful, wrenching, and incredibly isolating. Turning on women infertile women for finally getting pregnant is cruel.

And to the PPs complaining about finding out about those friend’s pregnancies (other than the one whose friend recommended a “date night”; that friend sucks) ask yourself what you’d want the alternative to be.

A few years ago after I’d confided in a friend that my fifth or sixth round of IVF failed, she let me know that another friend of ours was almost 6 months pregnant and hadn’t told me and was avoiding me because she didn’t want me to be upset. We lived in different states at the time. Same pregnant friend was having a baby shower I wasn’t invited to because she didn’t want me to “feel bad.” It was devastating but no doubt she could sense how resentful I’d been of other women’s pregnancies.

I mention that because that’s the other side of the coin; friends who literally conceal pregnancies and have secret baby showers so they don’t hurt you.

[Anonymous]

Well, she lost the baby. Very sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, she lost the baby. Very sad.

Indeed. Heartbreaking.